I remember your last thread. It came across as though the primary reason you wanted to find a partner was to make you feel better about yourself. You were placing all of your self-worth in the idea of some able-bodied woman coming along and falling for you, and fantasising that her love would make your feel better about yourself. If I remember correctly, you were asking about a specific woman before. You also stated that no woman would ever look past your disability, and that you had tried so hard to appear friendly and datable but that it hadn’t worked.
Several bees told you that trying to act in a way that isn’t natural to you would come across as fake, but you insisted that none of the women could tell you weren’t being yourself, and that the only reason they wouldn’t date you was because of your wheelchair. Several of the situations you had previously described when asking out women did make you come across as desparate and even creepy. When bees had pointed this out, you deleted your thread.
I said it last time, and I’ll say it again. No woman will be able to make you feel whole, and to place that burden on someone else is so unfair.
It is always advisable to be comfortable and at peace with yourself before entering a relationship. Everyone has some sort of baggage, but we can’t just dump it on our partners and expect them to carry the weight. Someone who is in it for the long haul might help to ease the burden for periods of time when it gets hard, but they can’t carry your baggage for you.
You can’t expect a woman to come along and find you attractive when you aren’t even being yourself, you expect her to fix you, and you are so picky about her. What if the love of your life isn’t your current idea of perfect, and so you won’t give her a second look?
I have dated a person who happened to be disabled before, and their disabiity never once factored into my decision to do so. I dated them because I found them funny, interesting, attractive and enjoyable to be around. They didn’t see their disablility as some huge barrier between them and the rest of the world. I’m not saying they never found it difficult or frustrating, but they dealt with the challenges that it brought and learned from those experiences. It turned out that we weren’t completely compatible in the relationship department, but we remain good friends to this day. They are now married with kids, and have a job that they love. They never once let their disability stop them from getting what they wanted in life, and they never blamed it when they had setbacks. That is not to say that they didn’t acknowledge the ways in which society discriminates against people with disabilities, in fact, they very vocally opposed it, they just didn’t let other peoples’ expectations and prejudices dictate how they live their life.
I also have a patient who told me that they do not see their wheelchair as limiting, but freeing. They said that without their chair, they would likely be bedbound and far more relient on others to help them. Their chair allows them to be independent, go where they want to go and do what they want to do.
By no means do I know what it is like to be disabled, and your experience is yours alone. However, mindset is a very powerful tool. Unless you are clinically depressed, or experiencing another mental health issue, they you can largely shape your experience of the world by the attitude you choose to adopt. You can choose to be pessimistic and assume that all the world sees is your chair, and complain that you will never find a partner because nobody can look past your disability. Or, you could work on accepting yourself and stop fixating on whether people are bothered about your chair. Honestly, if the only reason that someone didn’t want to date you was because you were in a wheelchair, would you even consider dating them if you were not paralysed? Why would you want to date someone so narrow-minded?