Trying to get advice on dating and marriage from women's point of views

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Maybe tell some of your friends from sports that you’re looking for someone to date.  They may have sisters, friends, cousins, whatever who are also trying to find someone special.  Obviously if you know them from sled hockey or w/e, their friends will be familiar with people in wheelchairs.

Post # 77
947 posts
Busy bee

Desperation is the most obvious trait when dating someone.  It can’t be hidden.  You need to work on YOU.  Therapy isn’t an admission of weakness, it’s a path to a better version of yourself.  

I dated a man who was pretty much a perfect physical specimen.  Nice to look at clothed, naked, and in any other state.  However, his outlook on life was utter shit.  He was desperate for a relationship, and it showed in every interaction we had.  He wanted me to BECOME his life, not enhance it.  I ran.  Fast.  

So, the moral of that story is that you being disabled matters very little in terms of your dating prospects.  People will find you physically attractive, or they won’t.  

Your personality and your outlook on life despite your disability is what will draw people to you more than anything else.  If you’re not 100% happy without a partner, you need to be before you look for one.  Anything else will be setting yourself up for failure.  

Post # 78
220 posts
Helper bee

Earlier in this thread you said that finding a girlfriend was the one thing you wanted to do on your own, and now you’re saying that dealing with your mental health is the one thing you want to deal with on your own. Well, I’m sorry, I am going to be harsh now, because tough shit. Quite frankly hardly anyone on the entire planet has ever found their partner on their own or managed their self esteem and mental health issues on their own – whether disabled or not!

It honestly sounds like the advice you actually want to hear is “oh no, I’m so sorry you’re having these troubles. You sound amazing. Let’s go on a date, or try this website and all your worries will be gone.” And quite frankly, that is never going to happen.

I get it, dealing with doctors day in and day out fucking sucks. Doctors appointments, physical therapy appointments and exercises, blood tests and napping practically every afternoon are part and parcel of my life and it’s only going to get worse as i get  older. It gets old really fast, but you shouldn’t not show up to them for your uti’s and sores etc because it’s inconvenient, and equally, you shouldn’t ignore your mental health either because it still impacts your life in bloody huge ways.

I was desperate for a boyfriend or a girlfriend at one point. Someone who could support me and make me feel better and I got no where. Finally I decided to get myself the much needed mental health help I needed. My confidence grew and I tried to just concentrate on myself and what I needed in that moment rather than my long term desires. Suddenly people started to be more interested and I ended up starting to date my fiancé whilst still in therapy. Our relationship would not have worked prior to that, and in fact, it didn’t, as we had dated previously. 

You say you don’t want to be a burden on your future wife and child, but you can be a mental burden as well as a physical one so get yourseldthe damn help you need for their sake if not your own.

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