(Closed) Trying to get church to set a date

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I had issues getting the church to call me back, so finally I had my mom call and push to get a date. It only took one phone call from her, versus my repeated calls. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yes! We are also trying to book a church, but have been told that we can’t do anything till 6-8 months before our wedding date… Which means we’re kind of stuck on most other things, ugh. You’d think they’d like to able to pencil things in earlier rather than later, but I guess not!

Post # 5
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Lol – we were required to lock in a date a min. of 12 months in advance!

There should be no reason to delay setting a date, and there is nothing in church law that would support that. 

Post # 8
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@ToBeMrs2011: I guess, technically, all wedding dates are tentative.  The priest could perform a premarital investigation and find out that you were already married in the past and did not receive a decree of nullity, or he could interview you and figure out something that would make the marriage invalid (for example, one of you isn’t committed to a life-long marriage) and delay the wedding.  Or maybe something prevents you from getting a civil license.  That’s why she’s delaying and “penciling you in”. 

Practically, though, she needs to grow up.  Those above cases are rare exceptions, not the rule so she shouldn’t view you as unworthy to be married until proven worthy.  With families now spread across the country, and the limited number of reception venues that book quickly, she needs to realize that it’s not the 1940’s anymore and people need certainty in order to plan. 

Post # 9
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Unfortunately we had tons of issues with the church, including getting any church to commit to a date.  We finally got a church to commit, but the process has still been stressful. We’re getting married in El Paso, but did the premarital classes in Dallas.  El Paso wouldn’t confirm if everything was good to go and the priest even told my mom that the coordination between churches/dioceses is the reason that they don’t like marrying couples from outside the city. That statement really disappointed me. Anyway, glad to hear it all worked out! πŸ™‚ All part of the process of getting married in the Catholic church.

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@lily80: where in el paso are you getting married? we’re getting married in el paso too (from out of town as well – we live in phoenix), and the church gave us such a hard time in the beginning also. it was really frustrating. “/

the wedding coordinator lady at the church we’re getting married at told us she couldn’t confirm our date until six months before the desired wedding date. i thought that was a complete and total shocker! really lady, you want me to sit around on my butt and do nothing until SIX MONTHS(!) before the wedding!? it was soo strange. she ended up budging and putting us in their schedule far before the six month mark, but only after i bugged the crap out of her, lol.

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@future.mrs.v – we’re getting married at St. Pius, what about you? It’s amazing how difficult the churches can be! The church in Dallas first said that we couldn’t even meet with the priest until we were parishioners for six months! So frustrating (we got around that after bugging the church secretary too).  Congrats on your engagement – so happy to find another EP bride on the Bee! πŸ˜€

Post # 12
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@lily80: omg, some friends of ours tried and tried and tried to get st. pius for their wedding and couldn’t. they ended up going to some random church that neither one of them had ever been to because st. pius wouldn’t work with them. i think the most frustrating part for the bride was after putting all that behind her and moving forward with this new church, she finally got a call back from st. pius like 3-4 months before their wedding date saying “ok, we can do your wedding”. by that time, it was too late. she was sooo mad! poor thing.

anyway, we’re getting married at st. matthew – it’s on the far west side of town. what’s crazy is the church here in phoenix that prepared us was wayyy easier to work with. we had only been parishioners for about a month before asking about marriage prep and they didn’t give us any trouble at all. it was soo nice. and we got to work directly with the priest – no secretary/coordinator/etc. the experience at the church here in phoenix was sooo much better. we were seiously considering getting married here because we absolutely love our church. but all of our family is in el paso (we were both born and raised there), so it was just easier for the two of us to go there than for all of them to come here, lol. anyway… it is super exciting to see another EP bride on the ‘bee! totally random, but i had asked for el paso to be added as one of the locations so we could have our own boards to talk about vendors, venues, etc. my idea didn’t get enough votes though. πŸ™ anyway…

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@future.mrs.v: I was really saddened by the church. I understand the need for policies/procedures/rules, etc. but it was almost like they were working against us and not trying to facilitate. Oh well, hopefully they don’t have any more surprises before the big day!

St. Mathew is beautiful! A friend of mine got married there last year! Where are you guys doing the reception?

Post # 14
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@lily80: actually, our friends got married in august 2008, and everything turned out to be gorgeous! of course a few things weren’t so perfect here and there – my fiance was their best man and he had to deal with their rental car having a blown tire ~20 minutes before the ceremony started! he was such a trooper though; handled the whole thing and still made it to the top of the alter before the ceremony began all without letting the bride and groom know. they didn’t know what had happened until later that day during the reception. i was quite impressed, lol.

st. matthew is the church i grew up in (my mom has been teaching catechism there for 11 years! =O). they were quite difficult to work with in the beginning, but after we finished all of our prep and had the papers sent from the phoenix diocese over to the el paso diocese, the coordinator totally softened up. it was wierd; almost like she was trying to weed us out and we survived, lol. anyway, we’re having our reception at the new doubletree hotel that just opened up about a year and a half ago downtown. it was the old international hotel. their top floor (17th floor) is a ballroom and lounge that is wrapped in floor-to-ceiling windows. it’s absolutely breathtaking to stand up there and look out and see the city of el paso in one direction and juarez in the other. ahhh, i love it!!

where are ya’ll having your reception?

Post # 15
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@future.mrs.v – that is super impressive about your fiance! So glad everything worked out! πŸ™‚  I’m getting married at DT too! So funny! πŸ˜€  I will have to let you know how it turns out!  Has the hotel been cooperative with you? They’ve been a little flaky with us and I did not like the idea of having to agree to pay for unused hotel rooms. :/

Post # 16
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@lily80: oh wow! how crazy cool is that!? πŸ˜€ you’ll definitely have to share pics, thoughts, etc. after your wedding day. as for the hotel, they’ve been great to work with. who is your contact? we’ve been working with ernie castaneda and he has been great! he’s incredibly nice, very helpful, and responds quickly to emails/phone calls. both my fiance and i have been very pleased with him (and the fiance is difficult to impress, lol). for our room block, we are working with somebody else (melissa correa). she was a bit flakey in the beginning – wouldn’t return phone calls or emails, was real short over the phone, hard to get ahold of, etc. i finally got frustrated and started copying ernie on all of my emails to melissa as well as asking him for help in the area where melissa was supposed to be helping us. i guess ernie figured out i was starting to get upset and a few days later, melissa did a complete 180 and has been great to work with since. she just needed a little nudge in the right direction, lol. we have found all of the staff there to be sooo nice. they made us feel super welcome when we went in for our menu tasting – it was awesome. we had several staff (waiters/hosts) come refill our glasses and take our plates throughout the tasting session. it gave us both the warm fuzzies to know that our guests are going to be well tended to the evening of our wedding. πŸ™‚ oh yeah, and the whole having to pay for unused rooms thing was a little crappy. so we just asked them to hold the bare minimum (10 rooms, i think) and then told our family/friends to hurry up and book rooms because there weren’t very many, lol. luckily, we had the minimum filled and then some, so we don’t have to worry about paying for unused ones, thank goodness! do ya’ll still have rooms that haven’t been filled? ooh, did ya’ll upgrade your room to the suite for yourselves?

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