Trying to give my best friend advice, but I have no experience with it

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

While I definitley beleive in a healthy lifestyle and the importance of making good decisions, when she married this guy she committed to love him as a person, not just his good figure. I would be so hurt if I found out my SO was telling his single friends to make sure the person they date will never let themselves go out of his dissatisfaction with my physical appearance. As his wife it’s fair that she is concerned about his health and that is the way she should go about talking ot him. But if you want to know what to say say to her – remind her of the old and tired, but true cliche: it’s what’s on the inside that counts and stop being so shallow!

Post # 3
Member
47389 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The role of a friend may not include giving advice. Listening, hearing and being present is all that is often required.

Post # 5
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

When a friend asks you those questions you can always turn them around with “well, what are you considering” or “what do you think you should do” so you don’t answer and keep the focus on them.

Post # 6
Member
4210 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I mean, I’d tell her to quit being a shallow asshole, but I get the vibe that isn’t the kind of advice you’re looking for….

Post # 7
Member
47389 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@catchme:  Turn the question back on them. Most of us cannot give advice on things we have never experienced and should avoid giving advice to close friends and family.

Post # 8
Hostess
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
@catchme:  Your friend isn’t going to like this, but my D.H. was super fit when we first started dating and after a few years, stopped working out.  He never really had to eat healthy, but as we hit our late 20s, it started catching up to him and he put on about 40 pounds.  I have always been into fitness and nutrition, so it was challenging for me as well.  I tried everything – asking him to work out with me, go on runs together, meal prepped for us both, tried to cook healthily together, etc.  He would eat what I prepped and then crush junk food afterward.  I love my D.H. for much more than his physical appearance (though I have always found him handsome!) but I was very concerned about the unhealthy habits he had, especially as we are planning to TTC soon. 

He had to decide for himself that he wanted to change those habits. Ultimately, this quarantine was the motivation he needed to start getting healthy.  The past few months, he’s been eating much healthier, running outside, and strength training.  Nothing I said got him there, it was 100% him.  I think your friend can certainly discuss her concern about his health, as putting on 50 pounds quickly is generally not ideal, but she should not expect him to make changes unless and until he is ready to do so on his own.  It may be that his conditioning before wasn’t sustainable and he wants to relax a bit more and enjoy food that he missed out on while he was in the military.  

Post # 10
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

I can see this happening. I do think people change over time… Ive fluctuated in weight in the 10 years I’ve been with my husband but I alwasy come back to my base weight and will never be obese. She just needs to talk to him and they can get back on track together. But people wont be the same the whole relationship, figures come and go and then come back again. 

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