(Closed) TRYING TO HAVE A BABY, BUT NO RING

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Stop trying to get pregnant by a man that won’t marry you, when getting married is important to you.  This will not end well.

Post # 3
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

Why on earth would you WANT to have a baby with a man that doesn’t want to marry you!??! 

Also, maybe this is “old fashioned” of me, but I believe marriage should come before kids…I understand “accidents” happen, but I don’t understand why people do this on purpose.

Post # 4
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

This just doesn’t sound like it will end up well for you. sorry. 

Post # 5
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

He’s point-blank told you he’s not ready to commit by getting married. I would not commit 18+ years to this guy by having a kid with him. 

Post # 6
Member
7775 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Why are you trying to have a baby with a man who doesn’t want to marry you when this is clearly important to you? Stop. This makes no sense at all.

Post # 7
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

If he’s not ready to marry you, he’s not ready to have a kid with you. 

Knock it off. 

Post # 8
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

msuselis:  So he’s ready and willing to be legally entangled with you through a child, but not ready or willing to be legally entangled with you through a marriage license?

You uprooted your life for him, your relationship moved very quickly, he’s 13 years your senior?

He’s an “amazing man” who refuses to discuss an important milestone in your life, but is doing everything possible to make the one he wants happen?

And your relationship is “hard to define”?

Girl…

Post # 10
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You could have a child without marriage, if that’s what you want. However, it sounds like you don’t want that, so I would stop letting your needs take the backseat and tell him you aren’t comfotable with this plan.

 

I agree with PPs that him not being “ready” for marriage, but wanting a child with you is a huge red flag.

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Stop the baby making, and stop trying to buy a house with him. These are things that married people do. If he accuses you of giving him an ultimatum, just say “It’s not an ultimatum, I just don’t want to put the cart before the horse.”

Post # 12
Member
12093 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Sounds like just another one of those guys who wants everything on their own terms. No one can ask them anything or tell them what to do or when. It alwayts boggles my mind when people think that having a child and a home together is less of a commitment than getting married. 

I’d call his bluff and move out until he’s decided what he wants from the relationship. 

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Do you want to be married or are you OK with not getting married?  

Post # 15
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

msuselis:  My Fiance is 8 years older than me and wants kids I think more than I do. We just had our 4 dating anniversarry. Im 31 and he is 39. We are getting married next summer and will TTC right away. I toyed with the idea of starting a family before getting married or even engaged but decided that I wanted my children to be conceived and born to married parents and I told him:I love you and m sorry but I have decided that this is important to me as I’m not ready to have a baby with you until I have BOTH rings on my finger. I need to see a full comitment before we bring a child into this world, it’s not something we can undo…. and I think if I am worthy to be the mother of your children then I should be worthy to be yout wife” something along those lines. A few month after I put my foot down… he proposed…. surprise surprise. 

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