(Closed) Trying to not let this bother me but….

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My mom is the same way.  And I’m engaged.  It’s not that she doesn’t like my fiance, I think she just doesn’t want me to get hurt and it’s her way of “protecting me.”  For example, she mentioned something about divorce to me about a month ago, and I said “well we aren’t going to get divorced.”  And she just shrugged and said “you never know…”  I mean, it would be great if she showed a little faith in our relationship.  She also told me up until I got engaged not to get my hopes up, and that my fiance probably didn’t want to marry me.  So I definitely get what you are going through.  

It sucks because you are so excited and you want her to be excited with you, but I’ve learned that when it comes to relationships, I just have to ignore her.  She’s done this with my past boyfriends too, so I’m pretty used to it.  I would get really mad at her, and that always led to yelling/fighting which didn’t solve anything.  So now when she says stuff like that I just nod and don’t say anything.  I told her once that I don’t feel comfortable talking with her about relationships because she is never supportive, and since then I’ve really tried to limit how much I tell her about our relationship.  Again, I know it’s super hard because every girl wants to have that kind of relationship with their mom, but instead I just tell my close friends who ARE excited and happy for us.  Just know that your mom may really have your best interests at heart but has no idea how to show that.  I still value mine’s opinion, but not when it comes to relationships.  I’ve found that I’m much more at peace and happy with my relationship with fiance since I stopped talking to her about it.

 You have to be confident in your relationship, because the truth is only the two of you know how strong it really is.

Post # 4
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

@Shirinjoon: your mom simply has your happiness in mind, and doesn’t want to see you get hurt. perhaps she’s seen you get hurt before and doesn’t want to see it happen again because she loves you so much? this is just how mothers are. just keep in mind that she is coming from a loving place, and didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. my mom has seen me get hurt a lot and date a lot of different people over the years, and for a long time told me she didn’t want to meet any other boyfriends until my wedding day! she said she couldn’t handle another break up! (silly huh?)

Post # 6
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t let it get you down. Your mom is being a total Debby Downer about this. I would say the fact that your SO has talked to you about getting the families together is very encouraging!

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My mom is very much looking forward to me getting engaged and eagerly leaps on any hints we could be moving in that direction.  The grass always looks greener…

In addition as the other posters suggested, to remembering she’s trying to protect you the best way she knows how, you might also just try sitting her down for a conversation and explaining how you feel.

Post # 8
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My parents didn’t meet my in-laws until after  we were engaged- same with my sister’s in-laws. What your mom said would bother me a little too, but my mom is the same way. It’s best to shurg it off 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Shirinjoon: I agree with the other posters who mentioned that she’s most likely just being protective. A lot of bees have said their parents did 180s when they were officially engaged, then they were just the most supportive people ever. Even my own mom will say something like ‘just remember that’ if Mr.ND does something silly like partying too hard one night or something. It irks me, but I know she means well.

I think they do it just so that in the very teeny, tiny chance that you are having doubts or troubles, they’ve put that line out that you can come to them. It’s sort of a backwards way of being there for you, if you think about it that way.

Post # 10
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Shirinjoon: Good.  It’s hard, but you will be stronger in the end.  And I’m sure she will be thrilled WHEN you do get engaged.  🙂

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