- 5 years ago
I had to go anonymous just in case certain persons were to find me by my all too identifiable normal username.
I’ve recently loved from NY to the Taranaki region of NZ. The seasons are opposite so instead of a wedding in April, May, or June I’m looking at November, December, or January. I thought we had decided on November 22nd, 2014 but after some discussion on the weather and some logistics we might be going with a December wedding. The issues with that are that the first weekend would be the birthday of a woman who I have a somewhat complicated friendship with, the second weekend would be the 13th (I have a thing about 13 but am not otherwise superstitious), the third weekend is 5 days from Christmas, and the last would be in between the holidays. In January, we run the risk of snow delays or cancellations from NY to NZ although the wedding would have better weather and I don’t want to wait until 2015, TBH.
If you had asked me a couple of months ago, I would have been fine having the wedding on the first weekend in December but since then, this old friend has come back into my life. We started our friendship about 9 years ago and have had 2 major fights in the last 2 years that resulted in us not speaking for at least 3 months. The first was during finals week of my junior year at college because I couldn’t answer her phone calls all the time and she was going through a change of her medications. Eventually we repaired the friendship but the entire month of December she kept getting meaner and meaner to me which culminated a couple of days before Christmas when she finally ticked me off enough that I sent a snarky text and left it to her to text back when she could actually talk. We didn’t speak for three months. She sent me a text and I kept my responses pretty one word or one phrase. I was civil but not overly friendly because she never offered an apology for the constant criticizing from before and just said that she would “eventually apologize”. Fast forward to me moving and the day before I left the country I sent her a long text that told her that I was sorry how our friendship ended and that I still did care about her and wished her nothing but the best for her future. She didn’t respond until last month. We’ve spoken a few times but I still have my guard up because she told me her medications were being shifted again and that’s why she was so mean. I can understand that to a point but I don’t believe that medications should be blamed every single time something happens. I do know that they can be a factor but they can’t be the only thing.
In my opinion, she has traits of BPD and narcissism that can definitely affect her behavior and thought processes. This is where the complication comes in. If we do mend our friendship, I don’t want her to be upset with me for having a wedding on her birthday, something that wouldn’t bother me if the situation was reversed. If we did and she attended the wedding I would definitely have a cake made for her, make a toast to her, and get people to sing “Happy Birthday” to her. Just the fact of her flying from NY to NZ would be a huge deal but especially so for her birthday. Even if I did that, she might hate me because I took attention or importance away from her on her birthday. To me, a wedding is one day in a lifetime while a birthday is one day every year. I’m so confused and have no idea what to do. HELP!