Post # 1
I was so excited to get married and now this feels like a nightmare. My parents are divorced and its so impossible to please them both, they both want different things. My mom is mad that my dad and his wife got to invite three couples whereas I let my mom invite one person, I said she could have a couple more. My dad wants to ride to the church with only me alone even though I booked a bus to take my bridesmaids mother and i to the church, his wife said its tradition that the bride and her father go alone, my mom is upset because I said I would go with her. Don’t even get me started on the day after party, my mom and I were planning a pig roast, but now since my dad is going to pay half him and his wife are taking over and my mom is upset once again. I don’t know what to do, it is suppose to be a happy day, and I cried myself to sleep last night because this is making me not want to get married.
Post # 3
Have you tried telling them how you feel? I’m sorry for the emotional upheavel. I’ve seen it a lot on the bee. Sometimes parents use a wedding to settle scores or people who were once very reasonable have their reasons fly out the window. Look, there are lots of traditional things that have lost their meaning through the years. Your dad does not need to ride in the limo with you. He can come along if he wants but I think it’s a better idea to ride the bus with the bridal party. At least he gets to walk you down the aisle. Everything else, just try and make sure they each have 50/50 within reason. Don’t let your dad and his wife take over the pig roast and if they start putting you in the middle, tell them you might be tempted to cancel it OR they can plan it together and leave you out. Do you have siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents that can intervene? You shouldn’t be crying to sleep. Sorry.
Post # 4
@bRooklynRocks: I don’t really have any one to intervene, but I think maybe today I will send my dad an email about riding in the bus, I just feel like his wife adds fuel to the fire, she always says oh i did this for my daughters wedding or her wedding, well I am not her daughter so I don’t see why I can’t do my own things.
Post # 5
@alleycat1984: Yes I would let your dad know you have already told your mother you will ride to the church with her.
As for the pig party, just because he is paying half does not mean he can take over.
Make a list of everything that you want for your wedding and then tell both parents what their role will be. Make is clear and put your foot down.
Also, learn the method of “mmmhmm” everytime your stepmother opens her mouth.
For your invites, be prepared to either have your and your Fiance name on it or just your biological parents only.
Also, have seating arraingments ready for mom and stepmom
Post # 6
In your post I read a lot of what your mom wants, and what your dad wants, but what about what you and your Fiance want? I think you need to sit down with your Fiance and come up with a plan that makes you two happy, that balances out family issues and present them as a united front and say “this is our wedding and this is what we want” I know you have money coming in from everywhere and when people pay people want say, but you need to calmly explain that this is suppose to be a special time for you and they are making you feel stressed and ripped in two.
I have divorced parents as well, so I know where you are coming from. Fortunately they are both pretty laid back and usually go along with whatever their kids want. But there are times I still get stressed trying to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy since my parents really don’t talk or get along, but they are civil when around one another.
Post # 7
@alleycat1984: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My parents divorced when I was in college, and it’s always been nasty (particularly on my mom’s part). I spent years worrying about my wedding someday and how they would act. And now the time is here, and I’m so stressed. Sometimes it seems that they have no idea how their behavior affects us. I wish I had advice for you or could tell you how to make it better. I’ve spent plenty of nights crying myself to sleep, trying to think of ways to make them both happy. If you ever need to vent, please feel free to PM me. I know it’s not easy. 🙁