(Closed) Trying to Please Divorced Parents

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Have you tried telling them how you feel? I’m sorry for the emotional upheavel. I’ve seen it a lot on the bee. Sometimes parents use a wedding to settle scores or people who were once very reasonable have their reasons fly out the window. Look, there are lots of traditional things that have lost their meaning through the years. Your dad does not need to ride in the limo with you. He can come along if he wants but I think it’s a better idea to ride the bus with the bridal party. At least he gets to walk you down the aisle. Everything else, just try and make sure they each have 50/50 within reason. Don’t let your dad and his wife take over the pig roast and if they start putting you in the middle, tell them you might be tempted to cancel it OR they can plan it together and leave you out. Do you have siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents that can intervene? You shouldn’t be crying to sleep. Sorry.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@alleycat1984:  Yes I would let your dad know you have already told your mother you will ride to the church with her.

As for the pig party, just because he is paying half does not mean he can take over.

Make a list of everything that you want for your wedding and then tell both parents what their role will be. Make is clear and put your foot down.

Also, learn the method of “mmmhmm” everytime your stepmother opens her mouth.

For your invites, be prepared to either have your and your Fiance name on it or just your biological parents only.

Also, have seating arraingments ready for mom and stepmom

Post # 6
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In your post I read a lot of what your mom wants, and what your dad wants, but what about what you and your Fiance want? I think you need to sit down with your Fiance and come up with a plan that makes you two happy, that balances out family issues and present them as a united front and say “this is our wedding and this is what we want” I know you have money coming in from everywhere and when people pay people want say, but you need to calmly explain that this is suppose to be a special time for you and they are making you feel stressed and ripped in two. 

I have divorced parents as well, so I know where you are coming from.  Fortunately they are both pretty laid back and usually go along with whatever their kids want.  But there are times I still get stressed trying to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy since my parents really don’t talk or get along, but they are civil when around one another. 

Post # 7
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@alleycat1984:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  My parents divorced when I was in college, and it’s always been nasty (particularly on my mom’s part).  I spent years worrying about my wedding someday and how they would act.  And now the time is here, and I’m so stressed.  Sometimes it seems that they have no idea how their behavior affects us.  I wish I had advice for you or could tell you how to make it better.  I’ve spent plenty of nights crying myself to sleep, trying to think of ways to make them both happy.  If you ever need to vent, please feel free to PM me.  I know it’s not easy. 🙁 

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