(Closed) Trying to shake this feeling re showers/bachelorette

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think it’s bad to want a bachelorette (shower in the other hand ehhhhhh, since the point is for people to buy you gifts. So I understand wanting to have people to celebrate in a more low key/accessible fashion than the bachelorette, but when gift entitlement comes in, it’s kinda rude). 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking your friends to celebrate with you- depends how you go about it. If you said “hey, Claudia, my bachelorette is this weekend- lets grab dinner with the girls then go dancing (or to the movies, or skating, or whatever event you like) I’d be like “cool, sounds fun!”. If you said “hey, Claudia, my bachelorette is this weekend- can you fly to Vegas with us/chip in for a limo/take a day off work/come to my lingerie shower/split my dinner drink and hotel bill with the other girls?” I would be much more reluctant. 

Post # 3
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Unless you were set on a destination bachelorette, I think your wedding is still kind of far away for anyone to be planning yet…if it gets to be July and you haven’t heard anything you could always just invite your bridal party out for a fun night of dinner and drinks before the wedding. It doesn’t have to be called a “bachelorette party” to still have a great time. 

Post # 4
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s a very human emotion to want to feel special and cared for. I don’t think you should feel bad about that at all. It’s when expectations come into play that things become sticky. Could you talk to your mom and your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell them that you would love to have a party with the important women in your life? It doesn’t need to be gift-centric, it can just be a good time with friends and family. If you don’t let them know, they won’t know how important it is to you.

Post # 6
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am in a very similar situation!  I have no advice though, since I am also trying to figure out how to drop hints to my Maid/Matron of Honor and mum. 

Post # 8
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I hear you on wanting all the extras that sometimes comes during the lead up of a wedding. Heck, free cake tasting is a fun perk! Engagemenr parties, showers and bach parties just seem a bit odd like its one big back pat for landing a husband. I mean where were all the celebrations when the couple was in a commited relationship as bf/gf?

If all you want to do is have a spa day with your friends then coordinate one. Tell everyone when and where and how much it costs. You will be the friend in common and likely get plenty of attention. 

Post # 9
Member
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  From memory you are from Australia right? Bridal showers are an American wedding custom. And whilst bridal showers have been creeping into Australia over the past decade (thanks internet) the tradition here is a kitchen tea which is a non gift giving event. It is basically like a shower (games, food, laughter) minus the gifts. Maybe that would be more your style? They can also be thrown by anyone unlike a shower because there is no obligation for gifts.

But any wedding related party is a gift and not a right so unless someone straight up offers to host you shouldn’t mention it. Does it suck not to get something you want, sure but as they say that’s life.

Post # 10
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

awww hon I feel you, my only “best” friend lives in thailand. Totally don’t have that “group” of best friends forever….I do happened to luck out and my closest friend here in CO loves to plan parties (or just about anything wedding related) so she is doing my  bachelorette party girls weekend. Also, do you have any of your parent’s lady family friends that could throw you a shower? That’s what my mom’s friends are doing, it is kind of a tradition. But there will be mostly adults and only 2 of my friends can make it (because of the location).

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  PacificABee04.
Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting those things at all! And I don’t think there would be anything wrong with asking your Maid/Matron of Honor if she’s planning anything. I would say “did you have anything in mind for the bachelorette? I was thinking that a high tea would be fun and low key!” coming up with what to do is the hardest part, plus you just showed that you’re willing to help out so much of the pressure is off of her. same with the shower, in my opinion. There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things, you only get married once! When having a gift giving event I think wording is important. Our wedding website registry tab says “what we truly want is for you to share in our special day, but if you wish to give a gift we are registered…” I hate that “your presence is out present” stuff… So cheesy 😉 but thats another way to say you don’t expect gifts. 

 

Post # 12
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s only March and you’re getting married in August.  I’ve never been to a shower/bachelorette so far ahead of a wedding.  

I’d probably wait until May to mention it to your mom/MOH, if they don’t bring it up first.  

Post # 13
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
GypsieFlower:  I feel you – my bridal party all lived away and none of my local friends offered to throw a bachelorette so I didn’t have one (I didn’t have a shower either, which also kind of sucked but I cared about that less).

I think you’re still a ways out from your wedding, usually they happen about a month before the wedding.  If no one is planning anything by the beginning of July I would mention to your Maid/Matron of Honor that you’d really like to get a few girls together for a night out with dinner & drinks or something for a bachelorette party.  Or, a movie night in, or bowling, or whatever you want.  It sounds like you’re like me and just want a night out with your friends – nothing over the top and extravagant.

Post # 14
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m similar to you–I have many friends but not really any “best friends”. I’m not having a bridal party, partly for this reason. I had a lovely shower that was hosted by my SIL, aunt, and mom, and I had a good time. Before it happened though, I was bummed that I didn’t have any friends who wanted/offered to host it. I actually had more anxiety/stress about my shower than ANY aspect of the wedding, which in retrospect is pretty ridiculous lol. 

I’m sure I won’t have a bachelorette. Most of my friends live in different cities and don’t know each other anyway (I’ve moved a lot) so it would be a little awkward. 

But anyway, I know how you feel. Although honestly, for me I think part of it is just seeing so much wedding stuff in the media and other people’s experiences and feeling like you should have friends who do various things for you, and if not then something’s wrong with you. But I’m actually happy the way I am–my fiance is my best friends, and I spend a lot of time with my family. I’m not “unloved” just because I don’t have a close circle of best girlfriends. 

So anyway it’s probably too early for me to be making a post like this–but those are my thoughts lol. 

Post # 15
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I was in exactly your situation where we paid for the whole wedding and I didnt have a shower and since I moved recently didn’t have a group of BFFs nearby. In fact, I didn’t have a bridal party for our small wedding so I didn’t have a typical bachelortte party. I think talking to your Maid/Matron of Honor about something low key is ok to do Or just ask if they have anything planned. 

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