Post # 1
I must admit reading others situations and words of advice that have been given have helped me to get through some very tough days. I hope that soon I will be on the other end of waiting and will be able to offer words of advice and support myself. My current situation is I have been dating my current boyfriend for 1 year. We were friends for a long time. Anyways we went ring shopping last summer at Tiffany’s and in my heart I thought we would be engaged by Thanksgiving. I have had two minor freakouts asking him where this relationship is going and he has asked me to please be patient as he wants to do the proposal his own way (his last proposal wasn’t really one…. she was bugging him so much she just ended up giving her the ring with no speech, no knee just handed it to her- they never got married – she broke off the engagement because she cheated on him). I know he feels robbed of that experience. Anyways I know that he wants to take his time because of his being divorced and I know he wants to make it special but some times I just get so frustrated I just wanted him to tell me already that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He is not big on words so I am very excited about what the engagement will represent. I try to be patient but today is a tough day. Sometimes I seriously think he enjoys having me stress about this. My emotions go from just being content of where we are to not wanting to hang out because I know he is not going to do it today… Just wanted to vent and share! Hopefully soon I will be off the list!
Post # 3
I understand your frustration. We all have those days! Hooefully you’re waiting days will be over soon.
Post # 4
You’ve been together for a year? How old are you? You went ring shopping 6 months or so ago?
What on earth is the rush?
Post # 5
First of all, I see that this is your first post- Welcome!
I doubt that enjoys you stressing. It sounds like he has some previous relatinship baggage, and may have some reasons for being hesitant. I would just enjoy being in a relationship for a bit. If you don’t know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he’s not ready to propose. I have been with my SO for 3.5 years, and we’ve known that we want to spend our lives with the other for at least 3 years of it (if not pretty much the entire time). That said, I am still waiting.
Post # 6
Waiting can be very frustrating at times. My best advice is to just enjoy the time you spend together, knowing that regardless of lables, you are with the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. I was waiting for over a year (knowing full well that it wasn’t going to happen until when it did, last summer), we ring shopped a full year before he actually proposed and it was incredibly hard waiting sometimes, and we had been together nearly 6 years at that point. Just try to be patient and when it does happen, all of that frustration will go away.
Post # 7
You’ve only been dating a year, so relax! He’s not going anywhere, and he’s made it clear that he’s committed to you and the relationship. Every time you feel like getting emotional and silly about it, just think to yourself “every time I go into hysterics and act emotionally overwrought, I’m just like his ex”. You don’t want that comparison. Repeat that to yourself until the impulse passes.
Post # 8
@BrownPlaidBook: thank you for your response… I guess I do know but I am waiting for that symbol of affirmation. He has recently started bugging me about having secret boards on Pinterest with ideas and plans (I want to but I haven’t yet). He is a indeed the love of my life and I guess I am just eager to start that part of our journey.
Post # 9
@MsW-to-MrsM: Yes, I know it does sound as though I am impatient… I just am eager to get started on this part of our journey just eager to start our lives together (I don’t want to live together until we are married.) I am 30 and he is 32. I am trying to just appreciate what we have right now
Post # 10
@MariContrary: Thank you Thank you Thank you I LOL’d at your comment and yes that mantra will do the trick I already said it and felt a calm come over me… thank you again. And I guess I need to recognize that yes even without the ring right now we are committed already and a ring though “nice” and a beautiful symbolic gesture does not make it any more so.
Post # 11
Awuh man! We all have had the tough waiting days. It is sucky. I think everyone here can relate. We could all try to be super positive but it’s difficult for any words to help on the really hard days.
It sounds like he’s been through a bit. One divorce and one broken engagement. I can totally see why its important to him that everything ‘Be right’ when he does it for the two of you. Its probably good he wants to feel comfortable and like the transition is smooth.
Just know that for the crazy and emotional and difficult waiting days, there are peaceful one. Days where you feel content and fulfilled just knowing the love you two share. And in the end, there will be the day to end all days, all waiting days anyways!
Post # 13
I am not sure if that will “qualify” as an advice, but lay back and enjoy every day without thinking about an engagement. I know you said you’ve known each other for years, but dating someone is different and can bring out sides of his character that you haven’t seen before. I think it’s way too early to push on an engagement and it can scare him away, although you’ve already looked for rings (your initiative???). Anyways, get to know him better and don’t rush into it is, I guess, my advice.
Post # 14
@thisyearistheyear: I feel ya, girl. Firstly, don’t let others judge your relationship (“OMG ONLY ONE YEAR?!!”). For a lot of people, a year is plenty of time to get to know a person well enough that you know you want to be with them forever. Everyone’s individual story is different.
This is sort of silly, but it helped me to imagine a proposal as something that will happen in the distant, distant future. That way it eliminates stress or anxiety because you “know” it’s not happening any time soon.
SO and I also went ring shopping six months ago, with no proposal on the horizon. It’s hard to make peace but try to enjoy your relationship and have fun as bf/gf without the stress of wedding planning! Budget, guest list, location, dress, money…it can wreak havoc on a couple!
Also, try to remember that this is the one thing he gets to do by himself in his own way. He wants to make it perfect for you and it’s not something you want to rush. I would hate it if I felt like I forced my SO to propose to me because I couldn’t be patient. And trust me, I am not a patient person!
Post # 15
@thisyearistheyear: welcome of the hive, sorry you’re having a tough time with waiting. It can be difficult sometimes, but he’s obviously commited to you, so my advice is to shut it up (you’ll see a lot of references to SIU) and give him the time and space to allow him to give you the proposal he wants! We don’t control this, and if we’re honest, we don’t want to. So shut it up!!! 🙂 good luck!
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
@thisyearistheyear: I hear you! I’m with @Evanstobe:
only you know your relationship and as soon as marriage is on the table and you’re actually waiting… not just hoping that it’ll work out, that waiting can be torture.
I’m a very impatient person and a bit of a control freak over my own life…. so letting go and just letting this be his own thing has been hard for me. But we’re very different in that regard. He’s a go with the flow attitude that plans NOTHING. We can drive each other a little crazy with that part of our personalities being opposite, but generally speaking we balance each other out.
We also had a ring talk and I got sized back in August. I was like OMG IT’S HAPPENING and I genuinely thought it’d happen by Thanksgiving (and I’m Canadian!), then I thought before Christmas. I was certain.
Thennn we went and threw a wrench in our life and bought a house, and he told me that that changed things.
I actually had a week where I resented our beautiful new home. I was so sure we’d be getting married in 2014.
BUT… we’re not. And that’s okay. I do realize that it makes waaaaaay more sense for us to get married in 2015, and I don’t want a super long engagement… so now in my mind I’ve got awhile to wait before the proposal comes around.
And I agree, thinking of it in the distant future really helps!