(Closed) Trying to wait until marriage to have sex…I need advice.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5238 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsVMT:  Don’t put yourself in situations where you may be tempted to slip. I think that is really the best way. I think if you allow yourself to go too far, it may be hard to draw the line and stop.

Personally, I think any couple can be sexually compatible as long as there is good communication on both sides. Get to know what you both like, what you don’t, how you can meet each other’s needs if there something one of you enjoys and the other doesn’t, etc. Practice makes perfect….practice, practice, practice…..the best part πŸ™‚ 



Post # 4
559 posts
Busy bee

If you have decided you will wait, you will wait, because you have attached importance to the idea.

It is nice to have an atmosphere of complete trust when you embark on this.

From what I hear, everyone is “compatible” ..perhaps what you are really asking is whether there will be chemistry?

If you are going to marry the guy, I guarantee there will be! Just imagine the build-up of all that waiting too πŸ˜€


Post # 5
339 posts
Helper bee

@MrsVMT:  We waited, and it was tough. We didn’t always have self control! We did end up doing some other things, like touching above clothing, under sometimes, “humping”…. that was more often than we would have liked and we felt guilt but we never had sex. I think it was just like…. eating cake when you’re on a diet (I’m struggling with this hard-core right now, V-Day cake in the kitchen and I’m trying to get fit and lose weight) you want it. You want it really bad. You know how satisfying it will be and  how amazing it will be, but at the same time you know how awful you will feel afterward for failing to avoid temptation, and in the end you wish you could take it back. Keep your mind on your reasons why you are waiting, whether faith-based or not, and try to focus on that instead of the “cake” :P.

We honestly didn’t know if we would be sexually compatable. Now that we are married, we are, for the most part. However, we knew that we built a strong foundation of our relationship without sex to complicate things so that we knew that even if our sex life sucked, we would fix it or work through it together as a team. We have some issues, not necessarily ones that would be remedied if I was with someone else (not that I know of) and we are working things through because of how much we love eachother. 

Also, we did kiss before we got engaged, a lot, I loved kissing, then we didn’t kiss from the engagement to the wedding to help with the temptation. It did help (although you can still do other things without kissing… defeated hte purpose haha) but now, and I’m not sure if it’s related or not, but I don’t enjoy kissing him as much anymore (but maybe that’s because I realized what a bad track record he has with brushing his teeth…. ick). But it was helpful πŸ™‚

Post # 6
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm

H and I waited until we were married, even though we lived together before we got married. 


Only you know your boundaries. Decide what you’re comfortable with, what’s off limits, and communicate with each other about your feelings. You know why it’s important to you, and that importance is what you have to keep in mind. Also, keeping yourself out of situations that are particularly tempting helps, but there’s nothing wrong with showing each other physical affection, as long as you know where your boundaries are. 


I think it worked for us because we knew that it was only going to go so far, and that was it. Sex wasn’t an option, so it wasn’t a realistic temptation. Then again, we were both virgins, so that may make a difference in that mindset. We were never concerned about our compatibility because we didn’t hold back on our physical affection within the boundaries we set. We knew enough about each other to feel comfortable in our connection and we communicated a lot about it beforehand.


Post # 7
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am a religious person along with my Fiance, so with our beliefs and values for God and each other it is easier with self control (we are both virgins.) But we are also not alone all the time. We do things in groups, play games in the kitchen, we love our chapel dates, shopping trips, talking… pretty much anything but getting physical. We have done other things before, yes we enjoyed it but realized it is not what we wanted. We stopped. We did other things like listed above. It is hard to wait but will be totally worth it for us in FIVE months πŸ™‚ And you won’t know your will be compatable sexually, and it will probably be really awkward and everything else but again, worth it. 

Post # 8
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MrsVMT:  FI and I are waiting until we are married.

Someone told me once that if you and your future spouse can wait until marriage, it will create the strongest bond of trust between two people….if you can trust each other not to give in until your wedding night, which is the ultimate self control test (resisting on a long – term commitment scale the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with), then you will be able to trust them in any self-control type situation. It’s the ultimate way to prove to your significant other that in any situation, you are able to not give into temptation (cheating, drugs, lying….etc). For some reason that stood out to me.

My dad raised us kids always reminding us “Why buy the cow when you already get the milk for free?”. while thats offensive to a lot of people, I think its applicable in lots of situations, including physical intimacy/marriage. I’ve always wanted to get married, so ive been mindful of his words. I don’t want to end up being one of those people that have been dating someone for 9 years but the guy has no desire to put a ring on her finger, because, why would he?

And I also want to be able to tell my children that their father and I waited until we were married.

Those three things have given me enough determination to not give in.

My best advice is just to be determined – and make sure that you and your SO are on the same page about it. Figure out exactly how far you are willing to go before marriage – draw the line and stick to it. Not a wishy-washy line, a distinct line. Trust each other to hold the other one accountable (back to the ultimate trust thing)….

Fiance and I had this conversation before we even started dating – so we both went into our relationship knowing that sex wasn’t an option.

Good luck! Glad you are willing to wait!

Post # 9
23 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

 I am just embarking down this road. Fiance and I are becoming stronger in our religious beliefs and now believe it is best to wait until marriage. We have been together 7 years and have always had sex and it was a strong part of our relationship. Needless to say this will be very difficult! We also have a long engagement (!) so this will certainly be a test of self control! 

 Seeing as this is new to me (a month) I don’t have much advice. I know we have decided on kissing (mostly closed mouth) and hugging. We slow danced valentine’s day which was really nice πŸ™‚ I did sleep beside him two nights this past week-end and we were both good, but luckily I don’t sleep beside him every night. lol. 

 Initially this was FI’s decision, but as I researched and educated myself I decided it was for the best for us as well. 

 That being said, I have almost 2 years to go!!!!! lol. Please feel free to private message me to support one another if you would like πŸ™‚


 Great decision and I wish you the best of luck! πŸ™‚ 

Post # 10
3262 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Bexx:  “Someone told me once that if you and your future spouse can wait until marriage, it will create the strongest bond of trust between two people….It’s the ultimate way to prove to your significant other that in any situation, you are able to not give into temptation (cheating, drugs, lying….etc). For some reason that stood out to me.”

I’ve never heard it put that way before, but I really like it! Thanks for sharing. I’ll have to add that to the long list of reasons that I know I can trust my husband with my life.

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