- 7 years ago
I hope I am posting this in the right area. I found this website when googling things I could do to continue waiting for my bf to propose to me, and instead of screaming at him (or bugging my mother), I thought I would try this whole online support deal. Before I begin, PLEASE excuse the length of this post and the awful grammar/structure of this post. I’m just trying to get my feelings out because I am frustrated. Thank you. 🙂
My bf and I have been together for 4 years in December (not looking forward to another year as a girlfriend, so I have other plans that day) and things have been great until I started getting impatient. He has VERY negative examples of marriage in his family, and was married to a woman and it didnt work. So naturally, he would be a little hesitant…but I am a bit over it. I am 24 years old (birthday was last month), I am a senior at NYU studying biology (I graduate in June 2013), and from there, I will apply to dental schools throughout the country. When I got out of the service, he basically supported me to go back to school and finish my degree, and I appreciate it (Side note: Yes, we do live together right now, but it was ALWAYS under the agreement that we would be engaged, and if we weren’t by a certain time, I would leave. I have my own savings so in the event of cold feet, I can support myself.) However, I am ready to get married NOW. He says he wants to marry me, we have hypothetical future conversations ALL THE TIME (that are getting REALLY old now), brags about how awesome and goal-oriented I am, and that he is not supporting me for “nothing”, but yet, there is no engagement. Last year, it turned into a HUGE fight and we settled on a date, but whenever I expressed my elation, he would just sit with a blank stare, so I decided to call off the original date and wait (within reason) for him to be ready. I am ashamed to admit this, but I have been an absolute TERROR because of it. I brought up the AWFUL “M” word about every day, and would throw a complete tantrum every time he said, “No.” I mean how could I not be discouraged? Everyone is getting married before me, I have so much going for myself and I feel that any man should be ready to drop on that knee to propose because I am a good girl and have A LOT going for myself, and yet,…nothing. So I ask him what the hold up is and he says he is waiting for me to “stop bugging him about it”. What?! On the one hand, I understand because I can be a hurricane when I don’t get what I want because I am such an ambitious person and I suffer from little person syndrome (I am 4’11”), but I feel as though it is ridiculous. Last week, after he threatened to break up with me if I had one more tantrum, I decided to “do me”. He complained that I just moped around all day (I did), and that I wasn’t always that person (I wasn’t). I tried to explain to him that I wouldn’t behave that way if he met me halfway, but he says its ridiculous and only pushes him away more. So, I have taken him seriously and started “being the person he fell in love with”. I have been getting dressed up, going out, staying away, NOT mentioning the “M” word, and he seems TOTALLY uncomfortable with it. Is that a good sign? He is the kind of guy that LOVES being ignored and it brings him closer to me. I have been leaving him alone, and it seems TO ME like he is getting the hint and doesn’t like the idea of me not being around. I HAVE to show him that I’m a good girl someone else will snatch up in a second, and I hope from my recent change in behavior (and hair) that he will jump on it. He knows I am not going to wait around 5 years for him to make up his mind and be ready, and he keeps telling me it’s going to happen, but I’m getting impatient and kind of want to leave now. What do you ladies think? Will my new behavior help things along? Or do you think he is all talk? Help me!!! LOL. I just need to vent and hopefully stumble across some kind words, or maybe someone who has been in this situation. I appreciate any and ALL comments that come in. Thank you.