- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
So I am a lady-in-waiting, and I thought I would see if anyone (whether you are engaged/married, or waiting) could relate to my issue with SO’s family.
So I have been with SO for 2.5 years now, and he still lives at home (I am on my own). As a result, I spend a lot of time around his family, who I love dearly and have gotten to know quite well over the past few years. However, I have gotten to a point where it feels kind of ridiculous that I am so involved in their lives without being engaged to SO yet. I am always the one to clean up afterwards when I am there for dinner (FSIL and her SO don’t even lift a finger), I have been over there a few times this summer doing painting (inside and outside), I helped with SO’s stepdad’s birthday party earlier this year (and then was treated rudely by his friends), not to mention that I went over to help his grandma with some things in her apartment when she was temporarily immobile (please don’t take this the wrong way – I love his grandma dearly, but I just couldn’t believe that none of her real grandchildren were willing to help her out).
And here is the horror story that tops everything else… Last month, SO’s cousins (well, his cousin, her husband, and their son) were visiting from Australia. They had sent everyone that they would be staying with emails months in advance, detailing their dietary restrictions. I had heard about this from SO’s sister and mum, and thought it was going to be near impossible to figure out what to feed them. So I decided that I would find a recipe that would adhere to their needs that we could have for supper the first night they were in town. FMIL and I went out to get the necessary groceries and I told her that I could just make the supper, since she was already stressed out about having them stay. Anyway, they arrive in the middle of me preparing this supper, and they can clearly see that I am putting a lot of work into making this meal for them. (Note: this is also the first time I have met them) Well, the dish called for eggplant, and as it turns out, SO’s cousin couldn’t eat eggplant. Instead of getting too stressed out, I just asked her what she would use as a replacement. She tells us butternut squash, so Future Mother-In-Law goes out to get one. While Future Mother-In-Law is gone, SO’s cousin decides that she’s just going to throw the whole supper idea out the window and tells us she’s going to treat US to dinner, out. She seemed so ungrateful that we had gone to so much effort for them, and to top it all off, we went to a restaurant where she and her husband both ordered things they had told us they couldn’t eat!!!!
After that whole incident, I tried really hard NOT to try so hard anymore. But I just can’t help it! I am continually trying to impress them, all the while knowing that SO has never gone to such lengths to impress anyone in my family (my family really likes him, but not because of any special efforts on his part).
I am worried that I am just spending too much time with his family, and that I cannot possibly carry on with this in hopes that a proposal will come sooner. I feel exhausted after I have dinners with them or attend family/social gatherings with them. I have told SO about this, and he says just to relax because they are going to continue to love me no matter what.
Can anyone relate? Do you think I should spend less time around them? I love his family but can’t stand feeling taken advantage of sometimes, and the fact that none of them even bring up anything about us getting married eventually doesn’t really help.
Sorry this was so long!!