Post # 1
after 9 months of endless dr. appts, ultrasound wands, blood draws, clomid, trigger shots, semen analyses, 2 iui’s, and an hsg, i finally found out that i’m pregnant! i am only a little over four weeks, but took two blood tests and so far my levels are doubling properly. we have our first ultrasound scheduled for next week at the re. we are cautiously optimistic, but relieved that at least now we know we CAN get pregnant.
obviously, my husband and i want a baby more than anything or we wouldn’t have gone through all we have. but, for some reason we haven’t been crying tears of joy or jumping on the bed with excitement like i always imagined we would be.
i know we are both terrified of miscarrying after all of our hard work, but we’re so scared we haven’t even allowed ourselves to just enjoy the moment and celebrate a little. also, even though i’ve only really been a lurker on the ttc boards, i feel like being infertile was our identity for so long, it feels weird to let go.
can anyone relate? offer any advice?
Post # 3
I think your reaction seems totally normal. We didn’t struggle with infertility and I still thought that our reaction seemed off – I think it’s hard to have the WOOHOO moment when you’re almost simultaneously (1) sure you’re pregnant and (2) terrified of losing the baby. We heard the heartbeat at our last appointment (I’m 8w2d) and now Darling Husband will say things like “we’re having a BABY.” I think that just made it more real for us and we’re celebrating more.
Post # 4
Oh can I ever relate!
Our first pregnancy, we were trying for over 8 months, and we were finally pregnant. We couldn’t have been happier. Then we got to my first appointment and it all came crashing down. Weak heartbeat and likely to miscarry in the next week or two. Sure enough, by the second appointment, no heartbeat. I had my D&C 2 weeks later when I didn’t miscarry naturally.
We had taken the summer off and started trying again. After about 2 months, I was pregnant again! Woohoo! But…terrified! What happens if I miscarry again? Sure enough…5 days later, I miscarried naturally. We were devastated.
We decided to give it one last shot before seeing specialists. In January, I knew I was pregnant and so did my Darling Husband, but we refused to test b/c we were so scared. I just started doing everything I would as if I was pregnant. When I was about 5 1/2 weeks, I finally tested and we got our BFP. Not surprising, and again, we were terrified. We had a transvaginal U/S scheduled for 7 weeks, and we were so somber before that. I was freaking out the day of the appointment…total mess b/c I wasn’t sure if I could handle the news of another weak heartbeat.
Thankfully, our little guy’s heartbeat was super strong, and still is! I’m 25 weeks today, and not a day goes by where I don’t worry about him. I’m past the viability date of 24 weeks, but I still just wory like crazy that this won’t be it for us. I don’t think until I get to hold our little guy in my arms that I’ll breathe a sigh of relief!
So you’re definitely not alone! Everyone is going to tell you to try to enjoy your pregnancy, but it’s so hard with the thoughts of miscarriage in the back of your mind. Try to push those aside as much as you possibly can, but it’s ok to feel cautious rather than excited! The excitment will slowly start to build as your pregnancy progresses further!
Post # 5
It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. I didn’t have trouble conceiving, but I did have trouble staying pregnant. When I was PG with DS, I was an absolute wreck until the 2nd trimester. Any spot of blood and I was in the office, any cramp and I was on the phone with the OB, I followed every rule (plus some that I made up), and didn’t really relax and allow myself to accept that I was pregnant until the 13wk scan. But, like you said, now you know you can get pregnant, which is a plus no matter what happens. I wish you the best of luck and am sending **sticky baby dust** your way! You are pregnant today 🙂
Post # 6
@2PeasinaPod: thanks so much for responding. it’s nice to know i’m not alone with my paranoia. i’m so sorry to hear of all your heartbreak, but i hope this time everything works out perfectly for you!
Post # 7
@inspiredcreations: i’m pregnant today! that’s a wonderful way to look at it. thanks for the encouragement. i truly appreciate it.
Post # 8
We got pregnant the first time after 10 months TTC, and were over the moon excited. We lost the pregnancy within a week or two, and I was absolutely gutted. Darling Husband not as much…he was sad, but took great heart in the fact that we could actually get pregnant. I’d read that your body is more fertile in the immediate months after a miscarriage, and convinced the first time was a fluke and we needed all the extra help we could get, we started trying again immediately.
We got our second BFP 3 months later. The morning I tested and got a positive I sat on the bathroom floor and just stared at the wall. I finally went back to bed and told my husband, and instead of celebrating, he just quietly held me. I was certain we’d lose this one too.
Miscarriages are rough no matter how long you’ve been trying, but I think they’re especially hard if you’ve been trying for a while. But @inspiredcreations: is absolutely right–you’re pregnant today. I told myself that every morning when I got up during the first trimester, and well into the second. I didn’t start to relax at all about it until after I felt the baby start to move, and now I’m 32 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby.
So go look at yourself in a mirror, and say (loudly!) “I’m pregnant today!”