I definitely did not have infertility… and I cannot compare to that situation. I just want to preface my response to that.
But our first TTC journey was awful. It only took us 9 months (9 cycles), but Darling Husband has anxiety and had been on anxiety meds. His first med, he could hardly (TMI alert) get it up. After our first cycle failing, he thought he might want to wean off. He couldn’t get a hold of his doctor about weaning off of it, so he decided to go cold turkey… that was a month and a half of him physically and emotionally unstable (another 2 cycles gone). After our 3rd cycle trying, he went to see a new doctor to be put on a new medication. Cycles 4, 5, 6, and 7 went by. For cycle 8, he started getting crazy side effects from his medication… He would pace the house throughout the night and was super irritable during the day. During cycle 9, he just “decided” to go off his meds again without telling me because he was feeling so defeated from TTC. 2 days before I got my BFP, he was being suicidal.
Add my frustrations with the process, it felt like a really dark time in our lives.
Since last October, when our daughter was 6 months old, he had another withdrawal when he couldn’t get a hold of/see his new doctor. I finally got him in to another doctor on an emergency appointment after a month of a horrible withdrawal. He’s been on a new medication since, but it’s too low of a dose, and he’s too unstable and too stubborn to go back to the doctor. (he finally has an appointment in 2 weeks after some major depression and anxiety over the past 2 months).
We were NTNP since April for a bit, but recently put that on hold. Obviously nothing happened. But I desperately wanted to fall pregnant by the one or two times we BD’d a month (for 4 cycles), which typically was during my FW.
I have a serious anxiety about TTC again. How are these medications going to affect DH? Are the decreasing his sperm viability? Do we have less of a chance? Is he going to want to go off of them again? Will he be responsible with his meds? It sucks. I know he’s looking forward to another little one too, but I don’t want the same rollercoaster as last time…
I feel like I understand you in some way. Every cycle we NTNP and AF showed was a serious defeat and just brought me back to how I felt the first time.
I don’t know how to cope… I really don’t. I think the best advice I have is maybe try NTNP for a bit? Going into TTC next month, I do feel like, “Oh, well, of course we didn’t get pregnant… we didn’t try that hard.” Maybe go see your doctor right away since you were diagnosed with infertility, they may have some steps you can take so you can bypass the waiting.