TTC after miscarriage / miscarriage support, Take 3

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 121
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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catmom17 :  Honestly, it doesn’t sound like an ectopic to me. I had one and I got clear pregnancy tests. I never had any of the one sided pain either. You could always call for an HCG draw to check if you are worried. 

Post # 122
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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busybee1016 :  Thank you busybee! I’m going to send you a message.

Post # 123
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913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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sleepymelis :  Thanks hun. I ended up getting a BFN this morning with FMU so it must have been a stupid FRER indent that people have been complaining about. 

Post # 124
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913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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ColoradoGirl :  Thanks for the advice. I got true BFNs the last two days so it was probably just a FRER indent. This pain is no joke… I’m thinking it’s probably related to endo now that my tests are negative.

Post # 127
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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catmom17 :  Good, glad you got BFN and you don’t have to worry about an ectopic. You are going to see a specialist right? 

Post # 128
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913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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sleepymelis :  
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ColoradoGirl :  Thanks ladies. I am working on getting into see a specialist in the next 2-3 months so hopefully they’ll be able to help with the pain. 

Post # 129
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I finally got AF today (first time since D&C last month) so SO and I can start trying again once it’s gone!

I’m trying to keep expectations low, especially because I know my cycle will probably still be wonky for the next few cycles plus I just got assigned to a project at work that requires me to travel for 3-4 days per week for the next 3 months. But still I was SO excited to wake up today to AF 🙂

Post # 130
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

EDIT – just realized you got a BFN – hope the pain resolves!

catmom17 :  If you’re really concerned, I would ask for a blood HCG test. It doesn’t sound like a typical ectopic though. Mine was not totally typical either, but was different from yours – I had a faint BFP, then bleeding about 2 weeks after and one sided abdominal pain throughout. My HCG reduced after the bleeding so they thought it was a miscarriage but then it increased again 2 weeks later, so they knew it was ectopic/abnormal. 

I would take a FRER every week if I was you and feeling concerned. If it gets darker instead of being a super squinter it is probably ectopic. I also would not BD during this time until your next cycle to try to figure it out with a blood HCG.  OPKs can be confusing since HCG can show up on OPKs I think. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Firework.
Post # 131
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Oh goodness, this thread is old, but it’s the closest thing to what I’m looking for! Weddingbee pregnancy/mama groups are the best and most supportive I’ve ever seen, so I’m glad that this thread is here!

Your Age/Partner’s Age: both 26

How long you have been together/married: together 9 years, married for two.

How long you have been TTC: we are not.

Known Issues/MC/TTC History: our daughter was conceived in 2013, when I lapsed on my birth control pill. I had forgotten it while I was away for the weekend, thought I’d be fine, and clearly lost that gamble. I had an early loss (5 weeks) in April 2017 after NTNP/TTC for 3(?) cycles. Took a month off, and then got pregnant with my son on the second cycle back, and he was born March 2018. I found out I was pregnant again in October, which was a huge shock because I was on the mini pill and had been SO strict about taking it. We decided to continue the pregnancy, but I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks 2 days. I am currently 9 days post D&C.

Your TTC plans for the next few months: as of right now, we don’t plan on having any more children. This last pregnancy was unexpected, as my husband was actually planning to get a vasectomy while laid off over the winter. Today he asked me if I still wanted him to have it done, and I said I think so. I don’t know. We clearly don’t have much trouble GETTING pregnant, but we were content with having 2 kids, and then we were getting excited about having a third. It’s all so recent, I don’t think we should be making any permanent decisions. Right now I am aching for a baby, but I think that’s the loss talking.

 

So. That’s me. I’m not even sure I belong here, since there’s like a 99% chance that we won’t TTC again. But my miscarriage was so scary (I had only been lightly spotting without cramps, and then out of nowhere I passed the sac in the bathroom, and blood and massive clots literally started to pour out of me), and we’re coming up on when we planned to announce, and I don’t know. I’m just sad. Sadder than I expected. I can’t get the images out of my head.

Just wondering and hoping that someone here has some sort of sage wisdom for me, because right now I just want to curl up in a ball and cry forever.

Post # 132
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

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piratekitten :  I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I have struggled with everyone treating what was my child as simply a medical condition. The grieving process was very difficult and very real for me. For some women, it is not difficult, and that’s ok too. The point is that we all deal with the process differently and it was horrific for me. Also incredibly isolating because no one wants to talk about it. So it’s this “hush hush” topic and often times you’re left grieving alone. I spent many nights sobbing and feeling as if I was being punished for not being a good enough woman or mother. My emotions were everywhere. I truly dove into my faith and found peace. It took 2 years to really be at peace though. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of it. Please give yourself time to process this and grieve however long or short of a time you need. Everything you’re feeling is ok. A huge part of my healing was me writing a letter to my unborn baby. It let me get my emotions out and forgive myself. I hope that you can soon come to a place of peace also. ❤️

Post # 133
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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jaywalker7 :  thank you ❤️

I think I’m mostly just angry right now. There’s something like a two percent chance of having a miscarriage at 11 weeks?! I was 5 days away from that “safe” 12-week mark (I know loss can happen after that, but 12 weeks is a big milestone). 

I was so scared and angry when I found out my birth control failed. And if I’d had a miscarriage at 5 or 6 weeks, I would’ve been okay. Probably even a bit relieved. But I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, so I had 6 weeks to get through through the fear and confusion, and I was excited. I was finally excited, I was looking at names and planning my announcement. And then it’s just gone, and nobody even knew.

My husband won’t say the word miscarriage. He says “the thing that happened.” He’s sad that I’m sad, but he isn’t really grieving the baby itself. Which I get. 11 weeks is early. Our first two weren’t really “real” to him until 20-something weeks, after the anatomy scans and the first kicks. He’s being patient with me. He’s waking up early with the kids so I can rest. He’s been cooking every day (or at least trying, lol). He’s keeping things running pretty well.

Gosh, sorry for the word vomit. I don’t want to dump all of this on my loved ones right before Christmas, y’know? So I’ve been holding a lot in, but it feels good to type it all out. Thank you, kind internet stranger ❤️❤️

Post # 134
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

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piratekitten :  I completely understand all of your emotions. I was all over the place. Scared I was pregnant. Then excited. Then it was over. I agree that men do often process it differently. While I agree that fathers can be very connected, early on it is often more common for the mother to have a much stronger attachment. I do also understand not wanting to discuss something so heavy at Christmastime, but I encourage you to reach out if you want to. Your family and friends that know probably don’t know what to say or how to bring it up. I’ve had multiple people that told me they wished I came to them if I needed to and that they were too scared to hurt me by bringing it up and asking how I was doing. Just don’t emotionally process it alone. Reach out to a therapist or support group if you really feel like your family and friends aren’t the best option. I’m glad to hear your husband is being so helpful also! That might be how he’s coping and grieving. He probably feels helpless and that is his way of showing you love and support. Very sweet. Please take care of yourself. Enjoy Christmas. Enjoy your children here with you. But make sure you still allow yourself to feel your feelings.

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