@knittylady: I just wanted to send my love and my support.
I had an angel from God help me get through my miscarriage… Literally. I mean, I don’t believe angels exist, but I do believe I met this woman right when I was supposed to. This is the first time I’m telling this story on here… Some may think it’s silly but it was really powerful for me.
We got married in March. I got a BFP in April. On April 15, which was a Sunday, I started bleeding and miscarried at 5 weeks (early, I know…). That makes my LMP March 11.
On that Tuesday (2 days later), it was OB day at work. Perfect timing, right?
We were just about to leave for the day when a nurse walks up and says, “We have a patient here for a pregnancy test, can you work her in?” to the doc I was working with. She is a friend of mine and knew that I had miscarried. She asked if I could do it and I said yes, I could (I’m a scribe, I type the visits for her) despite having to face glowing, happy pregnant women all day.
So we walk in to the room, and this girl…. 18, no job, on Medi-Cal (state funded insurance), unmarried [no offense to single teen moms, not like it’s bad or anything, just, you know]… She had the same LMP as me, thus the same due date I would have had, weighed the same as I do, had the same hemoglobin as I did, and if that’s not weird enough, she even had the same average blood sugar level I did!!!! I made it through the visit (miraculously) but the second I got out of the building, I just broke down. I had all kinds of angry thoughts and feelings; why did she get to keep her baby an I didn’t get to keep mine?! How can she even care for it? I would be able to provide it a much better home. I’m embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I actually hoped she would miscarry. Within seconds of thinking that, I was immediately so mad at myself. Furious! I felt jealous, hurt, mad at her and myself, and just so confused… It was so…SO paindul.
I can’t explain it, but I woke up the next day and I had this overwhelming feeling of, “Okay. Let’s try this again.” And I knew instantly I was ready to TTC again.
We do OB days monthly at work. The next visit she was supposed to have, she called and said that she had moved to southern California. She was plopped in my life exactly when I needed her. I credit her with preparing me to try again. It’s not like I never cried about it again, and it’s not like it doesn’t hurt to think about it anymore, she just mentally made me ready to try again.
ETA: Please don’t bash me for this if I offended anyone, I really didn’t mean to. I now wish her the best and happiest pregnancy in the world and I’m sure she’s doing fine, but I just wanted to share my story to see if it could help anyone else.
ETA2: Sorry this is so long. LOL.