Post # 16
While the process went smoothly for me, I have dear friends who have dealt with infertility and loss, and I don’t want to cause those friends unnecessary pain. I did not post a pregnancy announcement on Facebook. I just told my close friends in person/over the phone/however I could reach them or in whatever way seemed best for our friendship and their situation. Occasionally someone else would tag me in a bump-y pic, or post some article about pregnancy on my page, and other random FB friends would do the “omg I didn’t know you were expecting” thing. But I deliberately kept radio silence until the kid was actually here. And I try to limit the frequency of those posts even now, partly so it’s not a constant barrage of baby pictures.
Post # 17
we didn’t post on social media, mostly because those who need to know about our pregnancy, knows about it in person.
Post # 18
Thank you for your response. I’m like you, I’m open about what we are going through but I’m really starting to learn who is a good source of comfort and who isn’t. I haven’t gotten unwanted advice, more like unwanted integrations from some people. They want me researching every symptom and take every test possible to figure out what is going on. WebMD is not my friend and I am doing what we can afford right now because we haven’t been trying a full year and insurance and my doctor like that year mark. Apparently I’m not trying hard enough because I “won’t” Google and force the doctor to put me on a bunch of fertility drugs. So yeah,I don’t talk to some people much anymore lol. O and those same people think that since I’m taking a more natural approach right now, like acupuncture and essential oils, that I’m not actually serious about wanting a baby and won’t get pregnant until “I’m serious.” I’m pretty sure the two oopsie pregnancies I saw announced this week weren’t very serious about getting pregnant.
O goodness, that was longer than I expected, sorry for unloading on you.
Post # 19
Thank you. We should have more joy in the world. I definitely try to keep my negative emotions within a very small circle of people I’m close to because I hate the idea of “making people feel bad about being pregnant” because a pregnancy is a very wonderful thing and should be celebrated.
Post # 20
I saw that post and I really felt bad for the pregnant sister. I don’t feel like she should be stopped from telling her family about her pregnancy because someone is struggling. I hope that people who know about my struggles will respect me and what I’m going through but not at the expense of their own happiness.
Post # 21
I actually posted on FB because we struggled. I know it was hard seeing announcements on FB, but it was infantry harder to find out and have to react in a way that didn’t include “fuck you,” and run to another room crying in person. Not for everyone, but we had two announcements on FB that made me really disappointed/upset.
We found out about one accident where a guy got his side piece pregnant and another where my cousin who got married recently got pregnant (within 3 months of getting married). If I didn’t have the FB buffer for those announcements, I would have reacted very poorly in public instead.
Post # 22
we struggled for 2 years and I plan on doing a Facebook announcement eventually (only at 8 weeks now). I bought a onesie that says “made with lots of love and a little science” that I’ll include because I think it’s important to normalize the bad sides of baby making (miscarriages, infertility, etc) so that more women feel comfortable seeking help.
Post # 23
I agree that while it can be hurtful, facebook can actually be a buffer.
However, I will say I’ve noticed more announcements lately that have been very truthful, revealing it took months/years longed than they planned. That it involved miscarriages or medical assistance. One person even acknowledged how she knew that regardless of the struggles it took her to be able to make this announcement, someone would still likely be hurt that it was not their news to share.
I appreciate those posts, but I want to share my news when it’s time, so I remember that when I see a post that makes me sad.
Related topic… one thing thats FAR worse than other people’s pregnancy announcements are people tagging you in posts like a list of names you’re included on titled “Girls Most Likely to Get Pregnant in 2017″… because that happened to me the other week. Tagged by a male co-worker no less. Weird. Awkward. Inappropriate.
Post # 24
I did not “announce” on facebook the first time around. Eventually a picture of me was posted and old friends found out that way.
Next time I will probably announce but include something about my struggle. (I didn’t “struggle” the first time (took 8 months though). This time is taking forever and I’m still not pregnant yet.)
Post # 25
We were TTC for a long while and for much of that I thought I’d do a seasonal themed announcement on FB, when it came to it I didn’t feel the need. We’re now 22 weeks pregnant and now that all those people who feature largely in my life know I may post something on FB Christmas eve for people I don’t get to see. Hope your TTC journey doesn’t last too much longer, I thought and I mean that genuinely that it wouldn’t happen as it had been that long but then one month when I wasn’t paying much attention to timing etc BAM it happened and our wish become true.
Post # 26
It took 18 months of TTC to get baby #1, and I posted at 11/12 weeks that we were pregnant. I also posted at 12 weeks with baby #2.
I kinda feel like it’s up to you to protect yourself from seeing announcements if they bother you, so don’t feel bad about posting. If people on your friends list don’t want to see it they could stay off FB until they’re ready, you aren’t the only one sharing the news I’m sure.
Post # 27
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I’ve given up on looking at the timing because my cycles are so irregular, I’m working on regulating them now with natural approaches. We just have lots of fun bedroom time and hope for the best. I do often feel like my body will never figure itself out but I’m sure like you it will happen when I don’t really expect it.
Yeah I think these two hit me so hard because one couple never wanted kids and the other wanted to wait 5+ years or at least until after their wedding in two years. I think since I know that they probably weren’t very happy when they found out, it stung a little more. They seem plenty happy now though. I guess it just sucks being reminded how “unfair” life is when it comes to these things. I’ve just been repeating to myself “there is a plan for me.” My child will come when they are supposed to come.
Post # 28
I recently had a miscarriage, so seeing people announce that they are pregnant kind of makes me sad because they are usually doing it when they are in their second trimester, and that’s where I would have been now. But at the same time I’m happy for my friends. While only three of three of them are second children announcements (which is what makes me sad, this would have been our second), I see so many first child announcements, which is just such an exciting time for them.
I think if I were to get pregnant again I would strongly consider waiting on if I would post on facebook or not.
Post # 29
I see what you’re saying. The ones that have a similar timeline do suck. My best friend and I started trying right around the same time. She got pregnant immediately, that doesn’t hurt too much because I love her and the baby so much and they really wanted to have a baby. But her friend posted a picture of their babies together who are the same age. That hurt because in my head my baby should be the same age and I should get to take pictures of our newborns together. I have such a good friend though, she called me to “warn” me about the picture on Facebook, she didn’t want me to feel bad. She’s also good about giving me lots of baby pictures and cuddle time 🙂