(Closed) Ttc but unsure/scared

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
6785 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018

Mrs2b2014:  May I ask how old are you? You definitely don’t want to have a baby for the wrong reasons. When I see kids I think “cute”, and that’s all. I don’t go hugging them unless they are family or from our friends. I ask myself over and over again, if we really want kids? I think it’s totally fine to not feel 100% sure, but if you know for sure that you won’t be happy with them, re-think your decision. 

Post # 4
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Why do you have to be done at 28? I felt the same way you do when I was 24, and now I’m so glad I waited until my early 30s, for a lot of reasons.

Post # 5
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you aren’t sure, then I’d say you aren’t ready. This is not something I would go into lightly, especially if your husband isn’t 100% on board. You have plenty of time; nothing happens on your 28th birthday.

Post # 6
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It sounds like neither of you are totally gung ho about this. What’s the reason for rushing when neither of you is sure this is the right timing?

Post # 7
4029 posts
Honey bee

Mrs2b2014:  Honestly, it doesn’t sound like the two are you are in a place where you are ready to TTC…and that is ok. 24 is young and as others have said, what’s so magical about being done by 28? Rather than trying to plan your life around certain ages, you might consider going with the flow and figuring things out as you go. I would encourage you to wait until you both feel comfortable and confident that you are ready.

Post # 8
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have to agree with PPs – there’s no harm in waiting until you feel 100% ready, you’re so young! There’s nothing wrong with being a young mom, but if you aren’t 100% sure and your Darling Husband isn’t 100% on board, it might be worth putting it off a little longer until you’re really ready.  Now, my Darling Husband isn’t like “OMG babies!!” but he’s ready and wants to be a dad – he’s nervous, but what new parent isn’t?  I worry sometimes about how parenthood will change our lives, or how we’ll budget to still have the lifestyle we want, but there’s no question in my mind – I’m ready to be a mom.  If you don’t feel that, maybe wait until you do?

Post # 9
63 posts
Worker bee

I feel you. I am also 24 and had a job lined up and everything was 99% sure so I went off birth control and we TTC’ed last month. Well, the job thing isn’t as for sure anymore as I thought, so thank goodness I didn’t get pregnant on the first try. I talked to Fiance and we agreed to postpone the TTC for a few months until things are a little more settled. I am typically of the thought that nothing will ever be lined up 100%, but I do say trust your gut feeling. Waiting 6 months is not that long, and maybe you could start saving and doing general preparations (like work out, eat healthy, take prenatals, etc) that will make you feel like you are on your way 🙂 Good luck with whatever you decide to do! 

Post # 10
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think this is a question that no one can answer but you.

I am 24 and Darling Husband is 28 and we are going to TTC in a year, and will hopefully have a baby in our arms by the time we are 27 and 31 respectively.

Are we ready? well Darling Husband is 100% and has been for a long time. Am I ready? That is a bit more tricky. I don’t know anyone with children and I am scared.. But it is scary delving in to the unknown!

My maternity leave is effective from December 2015, so we don’t need to worry until then.

Post # 11
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think by setting yourself a deadline of 28 to be done with kids you’re putting a lot of unnecessary stress on yourself to be a mother right now. I’m not saying that if you did decide to have kids right now that it would be a mistake, but you definitely want to be ready. And being ready isn’t gushing over other’s kids. I really don’t like other people’s kids, but I love my own. I just knew I was ready to be a mom because emotionally and financially, we were ready. Darling Husband didn’t quite get excited until later into my pregnancy, which was ok.

There is never a perfect time to have a baby. There is always going to be a reason why you want to wait and once that passes you will find a newe one. As long as the want to have a baby is there, you feel financially secure to support a baby, and you and your SO are both emotinally ready, everything else will fall into place as it should 🙂

Post # 12
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Mrs2b2014:  I’m a planner so I get wanting life to be planned and hoping it goes that way, but you know what? Life is unpredictable and there is nothing wrong with just going witht he flow. Why is 28 such a key number to be done having children? I really would wait since it seems both of you are feeling this way. No, you’re never going to be completely ready and there is always a reason to wait, but having a child to meet a self-imposed “deadline” is not the way to go.

I think you’ll know for real when the timing is right. Maybe that’s in 6 months, a year, two years, etc. I think you’ll get to the point where having a baby is more important than anything. Maybe talk with your husband about what would realistically be best for you two as a couple. What you want to accomplish together before being solely responsible for a child. Maybe doing that will help you see if now is the right time or if you both want to wait longer. Good luck!

Post # 13
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Babies will come when you are ready be it next month or 5 years from now. Since you can’t control it (that’s what I hear when I read your post) try to enjoy life. Your job will figure itself out. A gf of mine graduated law school and was ready to work. Couldn’t find a job for months. Then she got pregnant. Four years and two babies later, she found work And begins FT in July. If I had followed my plan, I would have had 4 kids by 32. I have none of my own and I’m 36. But had I followed my plan, I wouldn’t have found and married my sweet husband. 

Live life on life’s terms. I know it’s hard….believe me! I also wouldn’t put so much stock in whether WB knows you are ready for kids. I keep reading that people say since you appear apprehensive, you aren’t ready. I have to disagree. It’s a new experience and it’s scary! Our society teaches that you should not proceed if you feel like pausing. I say if that seed was planted a long time ago that you want to be a mommy, trust that voice. It was made with no fear or limitations. 🙂 


How about being neutral? Not not trying but not actively TTC? 

Post # 14
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i’m going to have to disagree with some of the PP… having some doubts doesn’t mean you’re not ready. to me, it just sounds like you’re worried but that you do want it. honestly, there’s never a GOOD or RIGHT time to have a baby. if its something you want, you will make it work.

Post # 15
32 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m super scared and nervous about having kids but it’s something that’s been second nature with me since I was little. I took care and mostly helped raise my sister with my mom (she was a single mom back then). I’ve babysat kids. I was a nanny up until a couple of years ago. Then I worked in a early childhood education center as a toddler teacher. I just attended a friend’s baby’s brit milah and when I saw her I wanted to cry. She was so tiny and beautiful. Then one of my friend’s friend’s kids ran up to me and hugged me. I’d never met that kid before that day. He was about two years old. He hugged me so tight and he wanted to tell me about all of his awesome toys. It’s the reaction I get from most little kids. Yet that doesn’t make me any more secure in knowing if now is the time or if I will be a good parent. 

We want a kid and I know that we don’t have a lot of time (or so I’m told since we are almost 30). Just because you don’t get all gushy when you see a kid, doesn’t mean you’re not ready. There are some days where hearing a whining child makes me want to immediately tie my tubes. Then there are most days when I can’t wait.

Financially first the first time in our lives we are ready. Yet, emotionally we are scared out of our minds. As I’ve heard from our mothers and other family, no time is ever the right time. As cliche as it sounds, you should take it one day at at time. I’ve also read that if you feel that there’s still much for you to accomplish career-wise, then maybe waiting a bit longer isn’t a bad idea. I’ve heard having superficial doubts sometimes makes you a better parent. 

(I apologize this post became a little longer than expected. ) 


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