(Closed) TTC decisions & confusion – advice appreciated :)

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

UKbee:  That’s really hard.. maybe he finds discussing it thoroughly makes it more real and a harder decision. Logic makes decision making hard, in the moment he can just go for it… Would be better to have the conversation but maybe he’s scared of making the choice to truly start trying.

Post # 3
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

UKbee:  Definitely just leave it as is. Lots of men can’t handle the concept of intentionally TTC, so NTNP is a good way to get him used to the idea without over-analyzing it. Keep it light and fun, for now.

Post # 4
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn

Seems like you guys are at least able to talk about these things.

Darling Husband and I were going to wait a few years (his choice) after we got married. We talked about it some more and decided we were going to wait until this month, since we got married in Sept 2014. Low and behold he pulled the goalie on our wedding night, and has since. It was… shocking. I didn’t know how to react to it – I wanted kids at that very moment, and he wants them too, but it wasn’t what we discussed. I didn’t bring it up – but it took a little while to get used to – suddenly we’re NTNP and this is super real. He did pull out a few times in the first 2 weeks – I let that alone as well, and let him get more comfortable with the idea.

If you feel out of sorts and are uncomfortable with it, then bring it up. If you are ready now (as ready as you can be) then I wouldn’t. He made a decision to NTNP while knowing that you were ready now – I think that bodes well. The “we can do this” switch flipped in his head.

It was different, and exciting, and a whole new level of intimacy – and a little scary because then the “what if I’m not ready” things start. Just be sure to keep talking about having kids, and things you’re going to do in the future. Remind him of why he’ll make a good dad every once in a while, and enjoy your BDing!

By The Way – we got KU pretty quickly. I’m 9weeks today 🙂 That part was more shocking, because I had it in my head that it would take a long time. I was ready for a year of trying. Then BAM. Pregnant.

Post # 5
Member
9632 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would just leave it as is. Lots of guys really don’t handle the pressure of actively trying to get pregnant very well. You could always use OPKs in private and try to get him in the mood on your fertile days.

Post # 6
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I agree with others that say just leave it as is. Men have a harder time letting go of the “ducks in a row” theory before having children but you are right that there is never enough room or money, you just have to go for it. I would go with the laid back approach and not talk to him too much about ovulation or fertile days or anything like that, just go with the flow for a while and see what happens. Good luck and congrats on your new home!

Post # 7
Member
3198 posts
Sugar bee

UKbee:  Wow, what an emotional roller coaster! I guess, if I were in your shoes, I would be worried about going the NTNP route (essentially the old fashioned trying route). I would be nervous that my Darling Husband would freak out if I did get pregnant, or feel like he was pressured into it before he was ready (which would totally NOT be the case, since you did offer to get protection). Anyway, I would be concerned that he would hold it as a gripe whenever things got rough (bills were tight) and say “see, I told you we weren’t ready and we should have waited for xyz”. I just always get worried with snap decisions like this…even though you already had the conversation and it was his decision. I would just say that you know your Darling Husband and yourself better than me, so if that is his personality to need everything just so when planning, but really not be that fussed when things don’t go the way they were planned then I wouldn’t worry about the big conversation and just let him make the decision (especially if you are ready). If he is the type where every little hitch throws him into a funk, I would reattack the conversation. 

Post # 9
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Follow his lead and go with the flow for a bit. Mr. Lk said that if we had been able to TTC the old fashioned way, he would have been comfortable just letting things happen (i.e. not trying, but not preventing either) ages before he was officially ready to try. I think that may be a common thing for people. They are not ready to say that they are actively trying to have a baby, but they are okay with saying that they are not trying to prevent one.

Post # 10
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeesh! At this point, I’d just see how things progress. If he’s okay with pulling the goalie, I’d go with that. 

Post # 11
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I agree with everyone else, just go with the flow and dont bring it up.

Post # 12
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I know exactly what you are going through!  When engaged, I wanted kids quickly. Darling Husband wanted to wait to save more money. After we got married, I agreed and wanted to wait at least til we bought a house. Then DH wanted kids like immediately!  I held out for awhile and now that we are about to move in, mentioned TTC. Then he started talking about waiting a year or 2 to save again!  We talked it through and agreed to try in 6 months… But then he did the same thing as yours and “pulled the goalie” last minute last month!  Now seems like he doesn’t want to officially TTC at the moment again lol

I’m positive he just gets freaked out at the idea of officially TTC, though he does want a baby.  But NTNP doesn’t sound as scary or something?  Who knows how men think, but I’m guessing yours is the same as mine!

I have been charting for a few months as TTA.  So now I let him know if it is FW and go with the flow from there. We will have a real convo about it again when our 6 months is up this spring if I’m not pregnant by then. 

Post # 15
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I would keep your mouth shut. 🙂 Your Darling Husband knows what can happen if you don’t use BC, so don’t make a big deal out of it. Since you’re ready (I think men really never are, until the baby actually arrives), you could start charting- the book taking charge of your fertility is a must!

 

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