(Closed) TTC – Do people forget how stressful it can be?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ouch, I would be so hurt by that. I am the opposite, I am always handing out my Re’s number and telling friends who would go years just trying on their own to go see him. Don’t let it get to you, fertility isn’t something to mess around with. Seeking medical intervention does NOT make you obsessed at all. Shame on her, as if fertility issues aren’t hard enough. I am sorry ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I just think TTC is a very very very touchy subject, and honestly it can be hard to say the “right” thing it seems 99% of the time. I don’t think of it so much as being smug as saying “I’ve been where you are, and once I stopped being frantic it happened.” I realize it’s not helpful per say and sometimes you just want someone to say “I know how hard this must be, but it will be okay” but don’t assume that people are brushing off your frustration. It can just be really hard to say the right things. Sometimes concern is easier for some to convey than others.

Post # 6
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

@AprilJo2011:  I’m sorry. It’s hard when friends say the wrong thing, or don’t understand.

Like @KatyElle: said, part of the time it’s just because it’s a touchy subject to deal with… but there is also the other end of the scale, where people just don’t see it as a big deal. The comments about ‘it happening when it’ll happen’ or ‘just relax and try a little longer’ aren’t helpful. No-one should say them. It’s better off to say nothing at all, or just offer an ‘I’m sorry’. ๐Ÿ™

Anyway, not much advice here, but I’ve been in your shoes too. The longer you TTC without success, the harder it is to smile away the insensitive comments, too. I hope it’s your time to be a mum soon & wish you lots of luck with seeing a specialist.

Post # 7
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@AprilJo2011:  I find people tend to be quite insensitive about infertility in general.  It’s much worse when it’s someone who should understand; it’s something I’ve resolved never to do myself if I ever get pg.  If I forget, I hope someone is there to knock me on the head!   I’m so sorry that someone you trusted and wanted comfort from dropped the ball. ๐Ÿ™ 

Come join this thread:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/the-6-monthttc-gets-their-bfps-aka-part-10  The ladies here have all been TTC for 6 months or more and they are the most understanding and lovable ladies you will ever find to share your feelings and your frustrations with. 

Post # 8
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I would be upset too.  If she really is a close friend, you might want to tell her exactly what you are feeling and/or direct her to one of the letter that’s floating around about what to say/not to say to infertiles (even if you’re not quite in that category).  You have every right to be upset!  But I think that people who have not been in our shoes do very upsetting things even while meaning well.  I’m sorry!

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@AprilJo2011: I totally understand and would be pretty upset as well. If you are very close to her, then talk to her about how her comments made you feel. Remind her that the TTC process is not an easy one and you need as much support as you can get…not someone telling you that they’re worried about your mental state. Tell her that you know she means well, but it comes off as pretty hurtful. 

TTC is an extremely difficult and emotional process. You’re absolutely going to be a bit more sensitive during this time. When someone said some insensitive things to me, I tried to smile through it, and came to the bee to complain. So feel free to use us as a sounding board!

Post # 11
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well you can come and talk to all of us who are TTC….I know it helps me.  I’ve been TTC for almost 9 years now…with my ex-H and now my Darling Husband.  In the beginning, people use to tell me to “relax” and it would happen.  Every single person I know who was TTC (some for 5+ years) have all gotten pregnant.  

People would ask me if I saw a doctor and what they said…well, they said there was nothing at all wrong with me.  

And now that I newly married, I get all the time “just enjoy being newlyweds, you have plenty of time!”  Most of the comments are coming from people that don’t know I’ll be at least 37 before I have my first…I really really believe there are people out there that don’t understand what it’s like.  And not to offend anyone, but I hate hearing “oh it took us FOREVER to get pregnant…those 3 months were SOOO LONG!  Just try to only talk about your TTC efforts with people who are going through it as well.  ((HUGS))

Post # 12
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I can so relate! We’ve been trying for 6 months, were NTNP 2 months before that so basically 6/8 months however you look at it.

I’ve had some MEAN things said to me. One friend got pregnant 2nd try…and tells me she knows how I feel because of that one TWW. I understand that it took you a whole 2 months but it really isn’t the same.

Some comments I’ve gotten:

a lady I work with: “You and your husband don’t know each other well enough to have a baby yet”…we’ve been married almost a year and together for 4. Oh, okay.

all from one girl: (between months 1 and 4)

everything happens for a reason

God has a reason you’re not pregnant yet

just relax

stop thinking about it and it will happen

you can get pregnant at any time, you never know, i don’t understand why people wait until ovulation ….*facepalm*….

just now at month 6:

oh you’re on month SIX??? go to the doctor!!! that’s not good!!!

WOW. I’ve received a lot more comments than that, too, but those are the ones that stick in my mind the most.

Post # 13
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have a 5 year old and that time I got pregnant right away. Straight off BCP. I was 21. It’s hard for me this time because it’s been 2 months of trying now (I know 2 months is not a long time but it seems long because it was so easy with my first). And I’m already getting frustrated.

Hang in there ladies. we’re in this together!

Post # 14
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@lilsweetie:  You’re very lucky! As mentioned above, we are on month 6 TTC and I’m 21, hubby is 25. We are starting to get a bit worried.

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