TTC during pandemic?

posted 1 week ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

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@stephy1872:  i don’t see any of these things as a major miss.  i was nauseous and exhausted for a lot of my pregnancy, so working from home and not having any social obligations or travel plans has been a blessing in disguise.  

i’m currently 32 weeks, and while i was told early on there would be a lot of restrictions at the hospital, recently many of those have been lifted, and my husband is allowed to come to my regular OB appointments with me again.  we’ve had no new cases in our area for awhile now.  so it is hard to predict how it will be next year if you choose to TTC now.  

Post # 32
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly out of your list I am optimistic we can still do everything besides #2 (babymoon) before the baby comes in December. And to be completely honest even in normal circumstances I think I would be too worried to leave my country when pregnant (for a voluntary holiday) in case I needed emergency medical care. My midwife clinic is currently running prenatal classes online (via video conferencing) and I’m hoping before we deliver some could be in person. People have been having virtual or drive-by baby showers during peak COVID, and my area now allows gatherings of 10 people socially distanced so you could have a mini shower outdoors. You can still see family and friends in a socially distanced way to celebrate your news. Especially if you aren’t even going to start TTC until Fall, things might be even more back to normal by the time you are pregnant and planning to do all these things (although I suppose all of this might be more or less realistic depending on where you live). 

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@stephy1872:  

Post # 33
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m currently 26 weeks and it definitely sucks to be gonig through pregnancy at this time but honeslty, I don’t think I would have changed our timing. Like others have said, this is going to be with us for a long time and I would not have wanted to lose a year from our timing just age wise. You just never know how long your TTC journey will be. Hopefully those starting to TTC in the next few months will give birth once we are close to a vaccine!

Post # 34
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

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@stephy1872:  None of those listed are a major miss for me. The hospital where I’ll be delivering is offering a lot of virtual classes covering everything from labor to breastfeeding to just mom’s getting together to support each other.

We have time scheduled off in August and had considered something local, but now I think we’ll use that week off to work on the nursery and do baby prep stuff. Maybe we’ll do a few days locally but no real travel. But I’m not bothered by that.

I’m generally a private person who doesn’t make a lot of fuss about life events so I’ve actually really enjoyed the laid-back, quiet experience of my pregnancy. I don’t have a bunch of people around trying to touch my belly or dragging me out to go maternity clothes/baby shopping. It’s something I’ve gotten to experience pretty exclusively with Dh and we’ve really enjoyed it.

I had no intention of having a baby shower anyway, so no loss there. Overall I’ve been able to have the pregnancy experience I want with a lot less intrusion I would have otherwise had to deal with.

Post # 35
Member
992 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Honestly, the lack of baby shower in a pandemic has worked out super well for my pregnant friends! People don’t want to go through the hassle of shopping in person (undoubtedly off-registry) and mailing it, AND they feel bad that nobody gets a shower, so my pregnant friends have had their (extensive) registries covered by family/friends who find it easier to just click a button and have it delivered. 

Post # 36
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee

I just had my second a couple of weeks ago, and would not have stopped TTC had I known this was going to happen. To me, stuff like having help and going to appts alone just isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. With my first, four years ago, I went to plenty of appts alone while my husband was working. We also lived across the country from family and did not have help. Two adults can handle a newborn just fine. The worst part is obviously the concern about getting covid or giving it to the baby. I avoided going in any stores for the few weeks before his birth, and managed just fine. Just follow precautions. The biggest worry for me was having someone available to watch my oldest and I was concerned my husband wouldn’t be able to be there for the delivery. Luckily the CDC backed down from those recommendations quickly. To deal with needing a babysitter for our second, I ended up having my parents come help who strictly quarantined for two weeks prior to my due date. Its all worked out just fine so far!

Post # 37
Member
776 posts
Busy bee

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@stephy1872:  So many thoughts about this, sorry it’s so long! My state went into lockdown the night after I had my 20 week scan, so half of my pregnancy was pre-COVID (though it was in the news and on everyone’s radar for a few weeks) and half has been after.

In terms of medical care, I definitely enjoyed having my husband at my early appointments. This is my first pregnancy so it was nice to have him by my side for those. We then did the 24 week appointment by phone, and I’ve been into the office for 28 and 32 by myself. For those two it was okay being alone. They were quick appointments to measure and ask questions. We’ll see if I feel the same next week after my 36 week, but so far so good.

We are doing a birth class through our hospital online, which has pluses and minuses. It’s nice to be able to take it from the comfort of our couch, but obviously would be nice to get to know other couples, do an in person tour of the hospital, and be face to face with our instructor, not over video. Our hospital is relaxing restrictions a little bit, hoping that trend continues. Previously the support person was not able to come and go from the hospital. Now, this person is able to run home for clothes if something was forgotten or to care for an animal and return, etc. Praying by the time I deliver we are allowed at least one visitor, because I always looked forward to the traditional experience of family and close friends visiting at the hospital. If at least my mom isn’t able to visit I will be very sad.

In terms of risk, I think it’s important to know that those on Wedding Bee seems to be more cautious, or at least those who speak out regularly are. My practice is one where I see a different doctor for every appointment, and I’ve asked each doctor how concerned I need to be and what kind of precautions to take, and they are pretty relaxed. Obviously I should wear a mask and staying home is ideal, but I was told I would be fine to go to work with a mask. I have a friend who is pregnant and works in a hospital and she has continued to work there, as do women across the country. Some people just don’t have the luxury of staying home, and none of the doctors I spoke to or that my friend has encountered have been nearly as worried as many of the commenters here have been.

Same goes with infant health. We have been interviewing pediatricians via phone and I’ve asked each one how cautious we need to be after the birth. They have said that it’s a good idea to keep the baby’s circle small anyway, but visitors are okay and mom and dad mantaining sanity with some grandparent help is also important.

Regarding your questions about missing out:

1) Mentioned the online classes above, but while unfortunate to not meet other couples, not being able to meet in person wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. There is another woman who has the same due date as me and I might see if she wants to exchange numbers so we can keep in touch, especially if we may end up being in the hospital at the same time. Would be nice to make one mom friend from the class. 

2) Our Babymoon to Europe was cancelled, which was disappointing. I was especially looking forward to it as I will be mourning the loss of my care-free, travel-filled life. But, we’ve made the best of it. We are planning a getaway next April or May to somewhere even more exciting. We’re also going to go to a resort a few hours away for a couple of days later this month to visit the spa, relax at the pool, and enjoy some time away together.

3) The excitement. This is an intersting one. By the time we went into lockdown, we had already had the chance to announce to all of our close people, many in person, which was nice. I really didn’t think I was missing out on much by not seeing people, but last week I ran in to a friend who made a huge deal about how cute I looked, how excited she is, etc. and I realized I have missed out on that, seeing other people get excited and be so kind. Really not a big deal and I’d been fine without it, but my pregnancy has been pretty quiet and low key with close friends checking in on me but largely I haven’t had the coworkers, family friends, or our friends very involved, as is kind of stereotypical/I’ve seen others experience. If things were normal, they definitely would have been.

4) The shower is actually one area where I think things worked in my favor. I don’t mind attention on an individual or small group basis, but I was not looking forward to a shower with lots of people and having to balance socializing with people from so many different areas of my life: coworkers, my friends, my family, and my mom’s friends. We are now doing a drive-by shower where I will get to see people from a distance and for a short amount of time but not for hours. We will eventually do a large party and get everyone together, whether it’s a sip and see, baptism, or 1 year birthday party. But then the baby will be the center of attention.

It’s definitely hard to know what to do, but I just don’t see any of the drawbacks as outweighing being ready to start your family.

Post # 38
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Here’s my opinion: it’s your business, and it depends on your lifestyle. No one needs to know what the hell you do with your fertility and sex life. But there are some considerations that may make you feel better about actually deciding. 

1) Are you responsible in this pandemic? Are you as quarantined as possible? Are you avoiding sick people well? Are you wearing your mask in public? Are you not immunocompromised (and therefore could pass illnesses, even if it’s not COVID, to your baby)? If you answered yes to all these questions, good for you, I wouldn’t feel threatened by you deciding to TTC. 

2) Are you someone suffering from infertility and would need to visit clinics often? If you answered yes or idk to that question, then I would be careful. The less doctors appointments you need for this pregnancy the better. 

3) Are you diabetic? There’s more consideration. You would have extra doctor’s appointments with this pregnancy then too. 

4) Lastly, what is your job? What is your husband’s job? Are you both pretty solitary? Or are you working in retail, restaurant industries, hospitals, or schools? If you are not well quarantined, again, be careful about your choice. 

Bottom line: as long as you’re responsible, I personally don’t care. But it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. But DON’T make this choice based on the fact that your family may be pissed at you. That’s not a good reason. People accidentally get pregnant all the time. We know there are people out there getting pregnant as I type this. 

It’s all about responsibility. If you think you got this, no one here can tell you no. Nor should we. We just want you and the baby safe. And if you can provide that, then no one cares. 

Post # 39
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I just wanna give my perspective as someone who is 28 weeks pregnant. I don’t wanna sway you one way or the other but this has just been my experience. Honestly, for me being pregnant during a pandemic not much has changed for me and the change I did experience was in a way beneficial. I was furloughed from work for two months and being home and resting while pregnant was nice. Plus, during those two months I qualified for unemployment and was making more money on unemployement than my current job. Now I’m back at work and although I work quite a bit with the public my job is entirely outdoors so it’s very easy to social distance. I haven’t had to have virtual doctor visits, they were all still in person, just more spaced out. So instead of every 4 weeks it was every 6 weeks. This was totally fine for me as I’m a low risk pregnancy so I didn’t see any harm in less prenatal visits. The one thing that did kinda suck was my husband wasn’t allowed at my appointments (he is now though) but we were able to book two private 3d/4d ultrasounds and he was allowed to come to those, so we were still able to find out the sex together and see baby and all that good/fun stuff. Due to covid I’m not having a baby shower but I don’t love having all the attention on me so I’m kinda relieved I can avoid that. My family still bought us/is buying us the majority of our registry so I don’t feel super stressed about trying to get everything ourselves. I’ve seen some pregnant moms be upset about not being able to shop in stores for their baby but for myself I love online shopping so that didn’t affect me. Also, the one support person rule is totally fine with me as I only wanted my husband in the room while I give birth anyway. The only thing I’m not sure on is if we’ll be a birth class in the hospital or do a virtual one. I’d prefer to do it at the hospital but if that’s not an option I understand and will happily do a virtual one. As for visitors after baby is born that is a personal choice for you. I will be allowing visitors after the first couple weeks and I don’t plan on being super strict. We are even planning on flying with our newborn at two months old (this could change though) to see family that’s across the country so obviously I’m not someone who is super paranoid. I think it mostly depends on your personality and what you are expecting out of pregnancy. If you are more laid back and don’t mind the changes and going with the flow I’d say go for it. But if you are more anxious and have a specific vision on how you want your pregnancy to be then I’d say wait. I just know that for myself being pregnant during the pandemic hasn’t caused me extra stress or heartache but I also realize that it has for others – only you can know what’s best for you. 

Post # 40
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

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@stephy1872:  I want a BABYYYYYY. Ugh. 

 

The urge has been real for yearsss. But, we may TTC this fall/winter….if not then early next year. We want to try to see if we can wait til after we get married (hopefully a quick wedding this year and a honeymoon trip as possibly our last trip before we begin a family).

 

Covid has definitely made a lot of others second guess, but the urge is too real, and I cannot wait much longer 🙁 

Post # 41
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

Thanks for starting this thread–I’ve been having the same thoughts! We plan on TTC #2 in September. We are both 29, and on baby#2, so we are not rushed in terms of my biological clock. But dd is 4, and we’ve already waited longer than we’d like in terms of a sibling age gap (factors unrelated to COVID). We also planned on having one last vacation as a family of 3, but I don’t know if that’s going to happen. It bums me out, because I have been looking forward to it for a while. But, there are worse things in life.

We are fortunate that DH can work from home, and I only work very part-time and can stop if need be. The plan will be that if this is still going on at the end of my pregnancy, we will go into complete quarantine the last month of my pregnancy and during the newborn phase. We had several overbearing family members when my daughter was a baby, so a visitor-free postpartum period is appealing to me. And it’s not a guarantee, but there’s a good chance there will be a vaccine or treatment by the time the new baby is a few months old. 

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