(Closed) TTC for Baby #1 and fear of miscarriage

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I knew it was really common so when I got my BFP in April, I tried not to get too excited bc I was afraid of being let down. But then Darling Husband texted me a list of names he had came up with and that literally sent me over the moon! I don’t know why I was trying to fool myself into thinking I could suppress the excitement. The baby deserved to be excited over. At six weeks, I miscarried. I was crushed and I cried a lot! Darling Husband shed some tears too which tore me apart but he was more supportive than anything. I felt bad knowing he was hurting too but was being strong for me. That baby was very loved! I didn’t cramp anymore than usual…the only difference for me was a lot of clotting. You never know if it will happen to you or not. My Brother-In-Law and SIL announced their pregnancy the day they tested and I was nervous for them…but she is now around 23 weeks…exactly where I would be if I hadn’t had a MC. Doctors recommend not testing so early so if you do have an early MC, you would never know and just think AF came late. I thought about taking that route next time to try and avoid the hurt if it happens to me again, but I’ve decided the baby deserves the love, excitement, and acknowledgment. 

Post # 3
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sorry to say, but it is extremely common. Almost every woman I know has had one. I has a missed MC at 10 weeks with my first pregnancy. 

Post # 4
2156 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

itssunshine:  It’s common.. and fear of misscarriage or of something going wrong is also extremely common. However, that doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you. My mother had 4 children, no trouble conceiving and no misscarriages. I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant and so far (touchwood) nothing has gone wrong. 

I basically didn’t tell anyone throughout the first trimester (apart from my husband, my mother and my sister), didn’t buy any baby stuff and took it day by day. I ”put it in God’s / Fate’s hands” and accepted that the outcome of this pregnancy is mainly out of my control. 

A huge part of pregnancy (at least for me) has been letting go of control anyway… there’s so much that you can’t control.. and it’s tough cos I think a lot of us (western women) are used to being pretty much entirely in control of our own lives… and suddenly there’s this little person growing inside us who already has his/her own mind and you can’t really influence the outcome apart from staying healthy as far as possible.

Good luck and don’t worry.. just take everything day by day 🙂 There’s really utterly no point in worrying about the things that can go wrong.. you cant influence anything by worrying. ”Worrying doesn’t take the pain out of tomorrow, it merely takes the joy out of today”.


Post # 5
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

itssunshine:  it’s common but not as common as the boards would make you think. Sure the stats say 10-25% but that’s with 50-75% of those being chemical pregnancies, i.e. Very early miscarriages. http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/miscarriage/

And even if you do have one, it’s very unlikely you would have more than one. I had a CP/early MC at five weeks and  and three months later got pregnant again with a healthy pregnancy.

You’ll find that these boards tend to have a lot of girls who get pregnant on the first try and also lots of people who have suffered loss(es). I think that’s just the nature of talking about these subjects online. You get the excited newbies and those who have been through the ringer, so don’t let that affect you too strongly, remember that most women do have healthy pregnancies that never even get posted about on message boards. ; ) all you can do is try to stay positive and know that your chances are good! 

Post # 6
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

If you fall pregnant, chances are you will have a healthy baby. Yes, miscarriages are common, but the odds are in your favour. I’ve been surrounded by so many miscarriages that I have to constantly remind myself that full-term pregnancies are more common than miscarriages. 

Unfortunately there’s nothing at all you can do to prevent a miscarriage so, as hard as it is, stress and worry will get you nowhere. It really is just a matter of wait, see, and hope for the best. Best of luck TTC!

Post # 7
1553 posts
Bumble bee

Yes it’s actually really common! I couldn’t believe the statistics!! There’s really nothing you can do except worry endlessly for the entire first trimester. I’m 9 weeks and I’m hoping it gets better!!!

I haven’t been able to do it, but I’d recommend staying away from google. It’s a terrifying place!!!

Post # 8
3729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

itssunshine:  miscarriage is so common, but it isn’t something to be feared. UN almost every case the baby’s genes weren’t right and the baby would have never lived. Instead of dying at birth or shortly thereafter, the baby leaves you much, much earlier.

I’ve had two miscarriages. They hurt physically and emotionally. But you survive. You try again. Chances are, you’ll have a healthy pregnancy. I’m currently at 13 weeks and this baby is thriving.

While I’d never wish a miscarriage on anyone, know it isn’t the worst thing in the world. I know many people who have lost one or two pregnancies and now have healthy children. Going through the miscarriage or miscarriages was tough, but it was a temporary set back. Don’t let the fear of miscarrying get in the way of the joy of pregnancy.

Post # 9
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

itssunshine:  What Pollywog:  said. MC is so common. I was so overwhelmed with fear after my first pregnancy… and I miscarried. While it was incredibly difficult, and something I don’t ever want to experience again, it happened and life does go on. Don’t let the fear of miscarrying get in the way of the joy of pregnancy.

Post # 10
18 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

It is common but like someone said, it doesn’t mean it will happen to you. Relax and have faith in the process. If this is the time for you, everything will fall into place. best of luck!

Post # 11
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Unfortunately it is super common. That being said you just have to be prepared. I have had 3 miscarriages and although I’m in the minority (currently being tested for recurrent pregnancy loss) I forced myself to have the mantra that what is going to happen will happen no matter what. I pray and hope for viable pregnancies but it doesn’t always work out that way. Then if you do have a miscarriage take time to heal and greive because it really does suck, but life does go on and you try again. Prayer definitely has helped me try to stay positive. I echo PPs saying take it day by day, remind yourself today I am pregnant, that really helps too. Best of luck to you! 

Post # 12
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Statistics vary but it’s somewhere around 20% which is quite high. Of the about 25 people i know who’ve had children in the last two years none of them have miscarried which is good but also makes me so worried that when it happens for me i’ll be the one who looses it because well someone has too! I’m pretty sure i have had one already when i was 16. I thought the second line on a pregnancy test had to be as dark as the test line to be a positive (i know how stupid!) so i was pregnant at one point and obviously had an early mc. I’m glad i was obviously too dumb to know. 

Post # 13
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

itssunshine:  I have the exact same fears! Glad to know I’m not the only one. The only thing I can tell you, is that no matter what happens we are all going to get through this together.  *hugs*

Post # 14
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

itssunshine:  Yes, it is common, which sucks. But, this is something that is completely out of anyone’s control and like PPs have said, is often the result of a chromosomal issue that would prevent baby from living. I miscarried my first pregnancy at 6.5 weeks (I had a chemical pregnancy…one that hasn’t been confirmed via ultrasound when lost) and it was emotionally devastating. Even with the stats, the odds are in favor of everything being fine. And many, many women who have one CP/MC do not have amother, especially back to back. Darling Husband and I conceived our son (I’m 5 months today!) the very next cycle and he is doing well so far. There is nothing to do to prepare except knowing that if it happens to you, you are not alone (at all…when I shared about my MC with a few women, many of them had experienced one or knew someone who had) and there is absolutely no shame. You just have to be kind to yourself and know that one day, you will have your baby. Best of luck!

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