TTC – how did you handle the BFN?

posted 8 months ago in TTC
Post # 2
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’ve never understood why so many people test so early on when TTC. I feel like that’s just going to lead to disappointment. I’d rather wait till a missed period and go from there. That’s a lot less BFNs to look at it. 

Post # 4
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First month didnt worry me. I knew it was normal and I wasnt really ready for the reality. Second month was chemical pregnancy. That was devastating. I allowed myself to get my hopes up, just to get my period. Third month was our Bfp. 

Post # 5
6103 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

MsGinkgo :  The first month was dissapointing, but I tried to be realistic that it doesn’t always happen that easily. Each month that passes sucks even more. I’ve tried to cover all my emotions, and even had some months where we just relaxed and decided to see what would happen becuase it was becomeing stressful. While I would never discredit anyone’s feelings based on their age, because te feelings of someone in their early 20’s is no less valid than someone older. That being said, there is definitely an extra level of stress when you’re in your 30’s and TTC just isn’t successful because watching the months tick by is a reminder that the older you get the less time you have.

Post # 6
20 posts

Honestly, usually I cry. Today I didn’t when AF arrived. I’ll give myself a day to feel sad, then I move on and get ready for next month. 5 months and counting.

Post # 7
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

For me it depends. The longer ttc went on, the more devastated I got.  Some months when my son was extra terrible, I was relieved to not be pregnant again. It all ebbs and flows. we are now moving onto IVF and are very hopeful but I worry about how I’ll handle a BFN after all that. 

Post # 8
4294 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

MsGinkgo :  We just started TTC, as well. We’re almost at the end of our second cycle, so I’m really hoping it stuck!

I was surprisingly okay with our first failed cycle. We weren’t planning on starting to try until March, but bumped it up because we’re both excited. I’ve been temping, and I saw my bbt decrease a couple days before AF. Actually, the morning of the day AF arrived, my bbt dropped below coverline, so I was able to tell DH it didn’t work before we left for work that day.

Our first cycle trying was super fun, so I didn’t mind trying again. But for the second cycle, DH went off of SSRIs because of the infertility side effects we found after we read more about when the first cycle failed… And his withdrawal symptoms were awful. Less fun this second cycle, but if it didn’t work, we know we didn’t try too hard.

Post # 9
303 posts
Helper bee

I just told myself the facts about our chances and made sure to enjoy the no-nos of pregnancy (eg. alcohol) a bit extra that month!

As a reply to those who don’t like to test early and can’t see why anyone would: I was an early tester because it stopped the merry-go-round of what ifs, we had good/bad timing, this is definitely our/not our month… etc

Post # 10
5146 posts
Bee Keeper

alex313 :  not helpful. 

MsGinkgo :  it’s hard. I cried every single time until I got the BFP. Then I ended up miscarrying and that was devastating. Very devastating but it got better.  I was very lucky and got pregnant again and am now 3 months along. 

Post # 11
232 posts
Helper bee

The first one was kind of disappoining, I think everyone hopes they will be that couple who will get their BFP on the first try. My second was hard too, but I wasn’t too upset. Third was BAD. It was last week. I was very grumpy and cried. A lot. Every cycle starts with so much hope though, so at least it’s not all bad!


Post # 12
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

the first few months were the hardest, i was obsessed with all the online ovulation calendars, and then i become obsessed with peeing on ovulation sticks. After a few months of disappointment, i gave up on all of it. DH and I decided we would just BD every two to three days for the month of january, and see how that works out. Keeping my fingers crossed for this month. 

i dont regret doing the ovulation wondfo tests, because they gave me a sense of when i actually ovulate, but after three or four months and no luck with them i have to wonder if they even were useful for me since im still not pregnant. 

i have not jumped on the temping train yet, i figure if i dont hit the mark in january then ill start temping next cycle. 

Post # 13
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

MsGinkgo :  I went into it telling myself that is it 100% normal for couples to try for a year before getting a BFP and any BFP before then is a huge blessing. In my case I had BFP on our first try but miscarried at 5 weeks (technically a chemical), followed by another BFP on our second attempt (!!) but miscarried at 8.5 weeks. On any given cycle there’s only a 20% chance you’ll concieve even with perfect timing, so do try not to get too hung up on it. Goodluck!

Post # 14
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I was extremely blessed and got pregnant in our first month TTC, but beforehand I was convinced that it would take us a while and hence DH and I made a “BFN plan” that could maybe somehow ease the pain of having to deal with disappointment each month. 
So we decided that we would do something fun or exciting each month I didn’t get pregnant that we couldn’t do if I were pregnant, such as a big sushi feast, skydiving, rollercoaster rides, wine tastings…. Of course that doesn’t necessarily make it better, but it might at least give you something to look forward to despite the stress of TTC.

Post # 15
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

For the first 6-7 months of getting BFNs or having early chemical pregnancies, I cried. A lot. I let myself be angry and sad for a day (or more). It did help a bit that I was temping because I could tell that AF was coming a couple of days before it actually did because my temp dropped, and for some reason that helped me be prepared for AF althought it was still hard. Now 14 months later and still not pregnant, BFNs just sort of numb me for the day. I did give up temping and just do OPKs now because doing too much was stressing me out which isn’t good for TTC. We also started to do a lot more fun things during the month to get our minds off TTC which helps! Every month is different, and don’t be shocked if some months you’re a mess and other months you’re fine. Good luck bee. <3 

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