TTC – how did you handle the BFN?

posted 9 months ago in TTC
Post # 16
654 posts
Busy bee

MsGinkgo :  i have PCOS, but our first month TTC we tried REALLY hard (temping, opk) and nothin’. i was bummed but went into it thinking it probably wouldn’t happen. i still cried when i got my period. i think it’s normal to be upset, it’s something you can only control externally (vitamins, diet, timing) because your body does whatever the heck it wants. honestly, the not being able to “try again tomorrow” is the hardest part for me. we’re on cycle 7 after a chemical pregnancy 2 months ago, and i have pretty much been crying every day of this TWW because my hormones are out of whack and im really worried this isn’t going to happen for us, again. or, i won’t stay pregnant, again. 

meanwhile, i have friends with severe infertility issues, late term MC’s..basically way worse situations than mine. so i really try to put it in perspective. but its becoming a struggle.

Post # 17
8190 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

the first month was disappointing, I get it. so was the 3rd month. and then I stopped testing. it ended up taking is 24 cycles, thousands and thousands of dollars, lots of shots to finally get pregnant with our son.

i think you need to relax and enjoy the first 6 months before you start going crazy.

yes, BFNs suck.  but they say each cycle there is only a 20% chance of success. and you even said yourself that timing was horrible.


Post # 18
847 posts
Busy bee

starfish0116 :  that is exactly how I feel and my DH doesn’t get it. I wanted to start having kids way before this but had to wait for his butt to marry me. I even asked multiple times if we could hAve at least one before getting married. Now that it’s taking 6+ months (he thought you just have unprotected  sex and get pregnant), he’s starting to wish we had tried before marriage too. 🙁 

Post # 19
847 posts
Busy bee

MsGinkgo :   I don’t deal with any BFN very well at all. But I keep it all inside because DH doesn’t get it. I feel like my career doesn’t help AT ALL. I’m an ultrasound tech so not only do I see friends pregnancy announcements constantly but scan 2-3 new pregnant women a day 😭. We had a few months that we weren’t scanning pregnancies due to a few issues, but now that we’re back to it, everyday I scan one is harder and harder. Currently waiting for my test date for this month so im praying this one will be it! Also sending lots of hugs and baby dust to you because no matter if you’re trying for 1 month or 36 months, it’s hard. When you decide you want to be a mom, it’s all you think about. I seriously don’t know how people deal with infertility issues and my heart goes out to everyone of them because I don’t know if I have the strength to cope with something like that personally. I couldn’t imagine. 🙁 

Good luck in your journey!!! ♡

Post # 20
626 posts
Busy bee

We have been TTC for about 4 months.  Each month was different, based on how our timing was that month for trying.  In October and January I knew that we should have tried more, so I wasn’t too surprised to get my period.  In November and December I thought we did pretty well, so I was super dissapointment to get period symptoms and then a negative test both times.  Both of those months I really wanted it to happen.  

In January we went on an awesome surprise vacation, which helped with the dissapointment – we surely wouldn’t have done something like that if we were expecting.  But now in February we are trying extra hard to make sure we don’t miss any potential fertile days.  So I know it’s going to be harder for me if we aren’t pregnant this month.  Like I would probably cry (which isn’t that unusual for me, I cry pretty easy haha).

My suggestions in handling it – definitely focus on the things you can do now, but not when pregnant. Plan a spontaneous getaway with your DH, knowing you won’t have morning sickness.  I visited a friend in another city and went out/drank quite a bit, which I really enjoyed and wouldn’t be able to do pregnant.  Think about what your due date would be if it happens in the next few months – for me, a late fall/early winter due date would be nice, so that has helped me cope as well.

Best of luck to you!!

Post # 21
3443 posts
Sugar bee

I forced myself to be realistic. I think the average length of TTC is 6 months to a year. 

Post # 22
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Our first cycle ended in a chemical pregnancy which hit me pretty hard. I’ve had three cycles ending in negatives since then. The negatives make me anxious. My sister and her husband have been trying for four years so there’s always that in my mind when af arrives. I’m giving us two more cycles before I make an appt to look into things a bit further. I know the typical 6-12 months speech but I’m also 35 so being patient but slightly anxious. 

Post # 23
2505 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I read that if timing is right you still only have a’ 20% chance of getting pregnant each month.  However, we still had the health class scares of “If you have sex without protection you WILL get pregnant” engrained in our heads, and were pretty shocked and bummed when we got our BFN the first month.  I was definitely bummed out every month and felt like everyone around me was annoucing pregnancies.  Finally after 4 months of BFN, I concluded that it was going to take awhile.  Month 5 I took a test just for the hell of it- I didn’t even look at it right away and was convinced it would be negative.  I had to do a double take- there was a faint line there!! Given the percentage, we took exactly an average amount of time to get pregnant… but it felt like an eternity.  It is the first big decision you make that you really can’t control the when too well.  So you make this big decision and then you have to wait… it is hard!  Just be patient.  The less you think about it the more likely it seems to happen!

Post # 24
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I was pretty sad!  This is only our second month and technically this month and last month we were NTNP, but it still is a big bummer to know you hit multiple days in your fertile window and didn’t get a positive.  I really got my hopes up the first month because I thought I saw a line on a test (must have been an evap) and was experiencing some symptoms.  It just turned out to be a reaction to medicine I was taking. 🙁 Here’s to month #2, though!

Post # 25
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall

MsGinkgo :  The first few months weren’t horrible, but once we got past that six month mark, it’s been getting harder and harder everytime AF shows up. Especially when/if you start getting crazy with the tracking and symptom spotting.

Post # 26
4451 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

It took us seven months to get pregnant, so I dealt with the sting of six BFN’s. I poured myself a glass of wine, had my little cry, got my nails done and got back on the horse. Ironically, the month we got pregnant was a month we were taking a mini break from TTC (for reasons irrelevant to this thread). The moment I got that BFP, it was like those last seven months went by in the blink of an eye!

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