Post # 1
So…long story short, I’ve been off BC for quite some time now. We stopped using protection in May (started just using the pull-out method, but we were both okay if something happened and we conceived). This weekend was the first time we actually “pulled the goalie” (sorry to be blunt), and my Darling Husband seemed a bit…well…nervous and different during the whole act.
Afterwards, he said he had been really, really nervous. He’s never NOT used protection or pulled out with me (or any former partner…actually he doubled-up and used protection AND pulled out with everyone before, according to him). He also waited until we knew we weren’t in a highly fertile period (I’d already O’d this month), so he could “get used to the idea and get practice in.”
Has anyone else had this same type of reaction with their partner? Do you have any tips or advice for getting him to relax and NOT think so much about the whole “Oh my God, this could be IT…we could get pregnant” during the actual act? I want it to still be relaxed and fun, not full of pressure or anything (if that makes sense). I didn’t push him into TTC (we came to this decision mutually), and he says he is excited and ready to have a baby…but is this type of nervousness typical of someone even if they are “ready”? I have to admit, I’m nervous too!! Maybe this is completely normal??
Post # 3
@mrs_pugetsound: I would say it is very very very normal. When I was on the BCP and ny husband came in me for the first time (sorry to be blunt) it was a big deal to him as it is a huge thing to trust each other with.
Fast forward and now we are TTC and have pulled the goalie after using the pull out method for ages. Was it different the first time? YES massively! We could potentially be creating a mini-seabass!!! If you didnt get a little freaked out about that, then I dont know what would move you!
Best of luck TTC 🙂
Post # 4
We are going to start TTC in October and I never really thought abut it being different. I am going to have to get back to you on that. Now I am nervous. lol
Post # 5
Yes this is quite normal. And I think it’s a good sign! It means he’s realised the full weight of what you are doing and that he is very likely to be a dad soon. I think it’s a sign that they are aware of the responsibility and take it seriously 🙂
Post # 6
Haha, I’m off the pill now and we’re TTC this month for the first time. The other night, we “pulled the goalie” (he used to pull out just for the fun of it) and as SOON as he was done he sighed and was like, “well, you’re going to be pregnant now”. Lol! I haven’t O’d yet this month and I tried explaining that to him, but it was still pretty funny. We’re both ready to have a kid, we’re both just a bit nervous about it. It’s normal!
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
The first (and second) month after we pulled the goalie Mr. A was constantly asking if I was pregnant. I am not even kidding… If I had a head ache, or was hungry, or sleepy, or crampy, or anything… he would ask. I also feel like he was a bit more shy about doing the deed because “If I wan’t already pregnant I could be!” (Not that he didn’t want to be, it would just be a lot of changes all at once)
But after a few months of not magically getting ista-pregnant, things have returned to more or less normal. He still gives me a funny look if I tell him my stomach hurts though!
Post # 8
It sounds normal to me. Guys have it in their head for so long that getting someone pregnant is the worst possible outcome from having sex. It’s probably tough to make that adjustment! I’m sure he will get used to it. Practice makes perfect, right? 😉
Post # 9
I think it’s normal to be nervous to an extent. We pulled the goalie this month and I felt kind of weird about it whereas Darling Husband was totally fine. It was strange at first to not try to prevent pregnancy in any way, but I adjusted quickly.
Post # 10
We have been avoiding getting pregnant for four years and to soon do the opposite will sure be weird but exciting at the same time. 😉
Post # 11
Yay we’re not just weird!!!! LOL Thank you all for the reassurance! I guess you’re very right about the whole “if that doesn’t move you, I don’t know what would” bit. He’s 28 & I’m 31…so it was a huge first for him and he is the type of guy who wants EVERYTHING to be planned and smooth. So I know he has put a ton of forethought into this (timing with deployments, our ages, our financial/work situations, health, etc). And it really is a crazy feeling to know you could be potentially making a “mini-me” after years and years of trying NOT to get pregnant!
I just hope that (okay…really REALLY sorry if this is TMI!!!!) he doesn’t think he has to start making it all just the “sweet type of missionary love-making” because it could potentially produce a kiddo (not that I DISLIKE the sweet-stuff…who doesn’t want to feel loved & cuddled!!??!!!)…but it is okay to keep having fun..err…randy??…whoopie as well!! We’re still the same people!!
I’m sure it will just take time (and practice!). That’s fine by me!! 😉
Post # 12
@mrs_pugetsound: Babymaking should be fun! Don’t limit yourselves. 😉
Post # 13
I haven’t officially started trying but hopefully will be soon– but I get overwhelmed and nervous just thinking about it~ It definitely sounds normal to me, it is a life changing event (if it works lol).
Post # 14
I think it is absolutely normal to feel nervous! We spend years trying NOT to get pregnant, it can sometimes be an awkward transition. Darling Husband has experienced something a little different… performance anxiety, for lack of a better term! He had a hard time finishing once or twice last month because for the first time the pressure was to finish as apposed to NOT finish (we used POM along with charting). And after 5 straight days of sex he was as relieved as me when we opted for a night w/o it
Post # 15
It’s normal! Ever since we’ve been married we used the POM and this month we really started TTC. My DH was nervous the first time but has definately gotten used to it. Not sure if we will conceive though. Everytime we finish he says you better hurry and go to the bathroom so it doesnt make a mess! How am i ever supposed to get pregnant when it just slides back out(sorry so blunt) in the toilet? I know it just takes one sperm but ugh!! I just O’d yesterday or the day before and faked a pee and ran back to bed so i could leave it in and let it work longer! LOL.
Post # 16
I, myself, kinda have anxiety about it as well. Not necessarily my husband, only because he said “Just surprise me.” Never really thought about it as his way of not getting nervous over the whole situation. Must be nice not being in the “know”. LOL! I am waiting till my birthday next month. Not really sure why, but I thought it would be something to look forward to and a great b-day present to myself. I am not patient so we’ll see how long that lasts. 🙂