- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
@jaylinjo: So sorry you’re going through this, especially at Christmas. You seem really smart and educated on this whole subject and your open-mindedness about your options is beautiful. I think your maturity also shows through when you admit it may be best to let things cool down a bit even though you feel such a burning desire to get things going.
I think all of these qualities would make you a wonderful mother.
To be honest, when I first read your post, I felt bad for you both. For example, finding out about his male issues has got be hard especially for such a dominant type of man. I also felt that the “waiting” for him all these years was your choice as well and also that it was presumptuous to assume he had done his research.
But when I re-read your post a few times as well as your resonses (and the varied opinions from other bees), my opinion began to change. I think you know you “snapped” and that its not a great way to communicate but heck, we all do occasionally.
Although at the core I feel we are equals, I too occasionally submit to my DH in order to “keep the peace”. I’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff and don’t feel the need to always get my two cents heard in order to “win” an argument. But this is not “small stuff”, this could be the biggest decision of your life. Yes I said it…some may disagree but I think its a bigger deal than marriage.
I trult think you are on the right path and that your answers will come. If you continue listening to your head, heart and gut, you will make the right choice for yourself. Even in the best relationships, we have to take care of ourselves first otherwise we are no use to anyone. And thats what you are doing. He sure as heck seems to be making sure to take care of himself.
If he won’t talk it out and communicate with an openmind, you can just hash it out with your therapist and/or trusted friends and family and make your own choices. If he wont try, he doesn’t deserve a say.
All the best to you and a big Christmas thank you for a great reminder on the importance of my keeping an open mind even when I’m simply reacting to a post on the Bee. 🙂
Hope you have a great holiday!
PS Keep us posted if you can, I feel like i’ve invested real thought into this and i’d love to hear how it turns out for you.