(Closed) TTC near your 30s, how was/is it?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@candy11:  I’m still TTC (10 years) and I’m 37 but I’m a super rare case and don’t want to bore you w/details. 

For me, I didn’t really “want” kids until I hit 27…I was too busy finishing school, getting married, finding a great job, and wanting a house first. The house was the main goal…I didn’t want to be college educated w/a decent paying job and renting. So at least for me, age was NEVER a factor. Most of my friends my age already had kids, the ones that didn’t….well, they didn’t get married until their 30s but still had one by their 2nd anniversary!

My exSIL had a kid (out of wedlock) and my exH was pretty much like a father to her kid….actually became creepy after a while. BUT he was the one that (after a holiday family event) came up to me and said he wanted to start trying….we’d been using 2 forms of BC for the first 3 years of our marriage (should’ve been a sign for me but oh well!)

I had been working for 3 years at my job but there was NO opportunity for advancement unless my supervisor left…which he wasn’t planning to do. I was concerned about the money issue and maternity leave (my job didn’t have any) so I knew I’d have to go back to work after 6 weeks….not something I wanted to do but I really didn’t have a choice. 

We did “try” to save money for a baby but my exH had a bad spending habit and b/c we weren’t getting PG, he didn’t see the reason to have money put aside for a baby that wasn’t happening. I figured once I found out I was expecting, I could save for 9 months. 

Dreaming about having a baby DID put some of my goals on hold. When my exH deployed and there was NO chance of me getting PG, I started my Masters. I got my cluttered life straightened up AND I started a joint savings acct where I managed to save $40k in a year. Finishing my MBA would allow me to get a better job that actually had benefits…we moved a month after I finished and then divorced.

Without accomplishing those goals, I couldn’t be a (potential) Stay-At-Home Mom…which is apparently what I’ve always wanted to do…at least for the first 2 years.

Sorry for the long post! Just sharing what I was “neglecting” when getting sidetracked in the beginning of my TTC journey. I didn’t realize how much those things meant to me until I accomplished them! I’m one of those people that is extremely “goal-oriented” too in case you couldn’t figure it out! πŸ™‚

 

Post # 4
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@candy11:  i’m 28, dh is 36, right from the start we said we would TTC a year after getting married, and low and behold it happened.  Age was a thing of consideration.  I wanted to give brith at least once in my 20’s.  28 is still considered young and the DR’s wont say that you are “old” at all.  Once you hit 35 is where you may have more issues, but even then there are plenty of women who give brith to healthy beautiful babies

take you time, at this stage of the game i truly believe that age is nothing but a number

Post # 5
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I went off BC and started NTNP in August when I was 29, didn’t start TTC until that January, got KU on my 30th birthday in March lol. Honestly it wasn’t bad, but I used the clearblue fertility monitor which made things soooooo easy. It’s nice because we’ll be celebrating our 2 year anniversary next month, we had time together without baby, Darling Husband was able to take his time to decide when he wanted to TTC without me pressuring him, we were able to take our time buying a house, get out work situations worked out (although my new situation still sucks it’s much less stressful than my old job) and just feel more ready. I wanted to TTC about 3 months before the wedding but I’m glad we didn’t. 

Post # 6
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m 28 and Darling Husband is 29.  We’re currently 6 weeks pg. In March we were NTNP and then got KU’d in April when we started actively TTC.  We based it off of timing in our lives and career/life goals.  We’ve both been out of college for 5+ years and in our desired careers, although hoping to still continue making more income with additional experience.  

Originally we were going to wait until around our 1st anniversary to start trying and move this summer to a new town.  However, we decided to try earlier and push back the move since it will require me to get a new job, and I didn’t want to be pregnant or with a newborn when that happens.  Now, I’ll be pg with my current employer who is wonderful, will be very happy for us and be very understanding.  I can take a full mat leave and then come back to work (with adjusted schedule) for another 3-5 months before we move.  That plan just worked better for us.

Also, Darling Husband wants 3 kids.  I’m not opposed to having 3, but I am opposed to having kids really close in age.  So, I mentioned to him if we’re going to be done at 35 and not start trying until 30ish, I don’t know when he expects to fit 3 kids in there.  πŸ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@candy11:  Commenting to follow as I worry about this too :-

Post # 8
Hostess
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Great post! I am 29, turning 30 in June, and my Darling Husband is 30. We are planning on TTC early next year and I am bit concerned with all the specifics due to my age. I had never thought having a baby when you were 30 was old but in today’s world it seems to be considered so.

My best friend got pregnant at 30 and she did tell me that the pregnancy itself was harder than her previous child when she was 22. I am sure age wasn’t the old factor but in the end she agreed that the symptoms and misery were stronger with this second child. She was also considered “high risk” for a few reasons including her age as noted by her doctor. I am bit nervous to be considered high risk simply because I’m going into my 30’s. πŸ™

Post # 9
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

Darling Husband is 32 and I’m 31.  This is our first month TTC after being married for 3.5 years.  Part of it is location (NYC area) where 31 is considered still pretty young.  We wanted to buy an apartment and travel a good amount before trying.  Also, having decent incomes is important given the very high cost of living in the area.  

Lastly my mom was 34 and 36 when she had me and my sister so we never got any pressure from family.

Post # 10
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m an older bee (54), previously married at 24 but I didn’t want children until I was 30. Then I found out that all my years of weird periods was PCOS and TTC was difficult. I had my son when I was 3 months shy of 32. Tried to conceive again when he was 2 but didn’t have my daughter until I was 4 months past my 37th birthday. I think there are advantages to being an older mom. I was established in my teaching career when I had my son and we’d been able to save up some money so I could stay home and raise him. I went back to teaching part-time when he was 2 but decided to quit and be a full time mom when he was 3.5.

 

 

 

Since I have nothing to compare it to, being an older mom was great – maybe I didn’t have the energy of a 22 year old but I certainly had more patience and perspective on life. Now my daughter is 16 nearing 17 and I have a (new) much younger husband. Life is spectacular and I’m still happy to  spend a summer day wearing her out at Water World πŸ˜‰ I’m very close to both my kids, and I think my age (again perspeective and patience) helped me be a good parent – never had any teenage problems and both kids are doing great at life.

 

I have to add this regarding career: at 40 I got my real estate license which allowed me to have a second income with lots of mom-time flexibility. At 46 I bought my own real estate franchise and became a business owner (financial exit strategy for a bad marriage). Life has become different from anything I planned when I was in my 20s but it’s far better than anythig I ever thought it would be. Being mom was more important than anything- the hardest job I ever had but one I have the greatest satisfaction from.

 

Post # 11
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I had my first LO 2 months before my 30th birthday. Our decision came when we both felt it was time and we wanted to try. I never considered an age as being a major determinant of starting a family. Getting pregnant because you feel you HAVE to is not a good thing.

Post # 12
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I started TTC when I turned 30 and Darling Husband is 31. I was not on BCP and we got the BFP at cycle 3. Age was a concern for us and we always planned on TTC around the time I turned 30. The timing was generally good for us and we are financially stable, although we are still looking for a house. Career-wise, I haven’t told my manager/team yet that we are PG. Work for me is manageable right now but if it’s too much, I’m going to leave and either find a new place (or a consulting gig) or be a Stay-At-Home Mom since we can technically live off of my DH’s income alone. At this point, I’m inclined to think my work will let me do a PT telecommute where I come into the office a couple days and WFM a few days. I would prefer not to be a Stay-At-Home Mom since I just started my career and just earned my MBA. In an ideal world, we would like to have 2-3 kids and have them basically back-to-back, rather than spacing them out a few years at a time.

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hi I am also 28.  We decided to TTC mostly because of age.  I also wanted a baby (finishing up grad school, in a good place career-wise) but Darling Husband could have waited longer if not for the age factor.  I am currently just over 4 weeks pregnant – it took us 9 cycles to conceive.

Post # 15
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am a few weeks shy of the big 3-0 and my husband and I started to try to conceive about six months ago. No luck yet. I don’t think my age is necessarily a factor (but who knows) because I know women a few years older than me who got pregnant on their first try. I’ve had baby fever for years, and would have loved to start my family earlier but just wasn’t in the place financially, career wise, and stability wise that I am now. Now, I have my Master’s, a steady job, a house we love, and a nest egg of savings – and of course, when you want everything to fall in to place, and get pregnant at the snap of your fingers, it doesn’t happen! I am hoping it happens soon for us, and hopefully when you are ready it happens quickly for you, too πŸ™‚ 

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