Post # 1
My husband and I got married alittle over a year ago and are so happy and in love. We’ve been together about 5 years, seen Europe and South America, both of us have stable jobs, bought a home in March and have recieved our masters degrees. I am currently on birth control, however, in June I was 5 days late on my period. We had no tests on hand because this of course was not in the plan. So we spent the day talking while we were at work and day dreaming of just “what if”, he was so excited, it was so cute. Well, I picked up a test on the way home, it was negative, both of us were quiet and disapointed, and I got my period that night, sometimes birthcontrol makes your periods wonky. Whatever. Anyway, since then i’ve been bit with the baby bug, I have this urge like why not? We’re so happy, we live a lifestyle that is very condusive to children, lots of nights at home and family time and i’d love to explore the world with our baby in tow (I know that’s optimistic, but let a girl dream) and now he’s terrified of getting pregnant. We talked about TTC next year, but it felt a lot like me talking and him agreeing to make me happy. The truth of the matter is, although he was excited in the moment, he is not ready and needs a few more years. We’re young 25/24 so we have time, but still for me, I feel ready and i’m sad to wait. Any advice from Bees waiting too? I respect his honesty and I want to start a family when we’re both ready but years sound so far when you’re so excited.
Post # 2
You are really young (i’m 10 years older) – and not that you can’t handle a baby – but if both of you are not 100% ready for this, WAIT. You will want a partner who is 100% in the weeds with you taking care of a newborn. In my experience, your jobs etc., will get more flexible as you get older as well, and the whole thing will be easier (it is also easier when you have substantial savings). I didn’t even get married until 29 so I wasn’t thinking about kids at your age, but you really only get to be 25 once!
Post # 3
mermaidbride862 : I am 27 and Darling Husband is 31. We had a “scare” a couple of years ago, and it hit me with the baby bug HARD. I was obsessed with the idea of having a baby, did heaps of research and really tried to convince Darling Husband (FI at the time) that we were ready. The reality financially and emotionally was that while we may have managed, we were not where we wanted to be before TTC. Now I am so glad that we waited and are waiting for another roughly 1-2 years.
My advice is that you have plenty of time, so if your Darling Husband is not ready, don’t push it. Make sure you guys have a good plan that includes children with a realistic timeline for you both, and focus on your goals you want to achieve pre-baby. TTC time will come around before you know it!
Post # 4
so im also young (27 now!) but i got married at 24 and dh was 26.. anyway i was ready BEFORE we got married lol… he wasnt.. he was still a little scared. We talked about ttc but he said he wanted to wait a bit. It was SO hard for me… and near the 8 month mark (we agreeed to wait 12 months) i was even sad about waiting. We aggreed to starting a little early… like 2 months early but i still didnt feel like his head was there… it was like he was doing it to make me happy but secretly wished it didnt happen right away. Well ut didnt… it took 10 long, stressful months. It honestly put a lot of strain on our relationship.. but by the end, we were both happy, excited, relieved the the ttc was over lol. Then along came our sweet little baby boy with some medical issues… let me tell you, a newborn is hard, add some health issues in the mix and its recipe for disaster! Luckily… he was ready and he took over and seriously held us all together. He is such a good dad… and our lo is 9 months old and he suggested starting t o ttc already bc he wants another lol. My point is… compromise but dont force. Talk through his concerns.. meet in the middle. I would just hate to force and then have hus say after the fact that he didnt want that. You need him fully on board. Also reevaulate as you go… right now he might think he needs years but it could change!! I know its hard!
Post # 5
Thank you bees for your input! We have spoken in depth and I learned we were having a serious communication issue. I guess I had been saying “trying” and in his mind that meant TTC where to me I meant more of a NTNP situation because we are young and have time. Suddenly he’s decided that if we go the NTNP route that he is comfortable starting whenever. (Which is what I wanted all along!!) I appreciate so much everyone’s input, I told him I was willing to wait longer and he told me he’s ready to start whenever as long as we’re NTNP. Baby fever is real and I think the scare really triggered this desire in me to start a family. But it’s been 2 months now so I feel like I can breathe alittle bit and gain perspective. I’m going off the pill now (more for my mental health than anything to do with babies) and we’ve just decided when we want we will pull the goalie!! I feel so much better and I appreciate everyone’s help sorting out my emotions so I could stop sounding like a baby crazy monster haha
Post # 6
I agree 100%. Fiance and I finally had the “family timeline talk” after we were engaged. We both knew we wanted kids, preferably 2, and we wanted to be married beforehand, but we’d never really discussed any timeframe. I had no timeframe to offer, being 24 and still in school (not that I didn’t want kids, I just had no idea what kind of schedule). Fiance said, “Definitely within the first two years of getting married” bc he’s 32. We are 2 months into a 24-month engagement, so that means (in theory), I’ll be a MOM in 4 years!!!!!!
Now part of me just wants to get the wedding over with and start making babies! Hahaha!!!!