(Closed) TTC & Surviving Holidays & What to say

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

While I don’t know what it feels like to be in your exact situation, I have similar issues. We have been ttc for 7 months.. my oldest sister has 2 kids, and my middle sister is pregnant and due anyday. We have always done things the same, and in order (got married, bought houses, etc.. were all very very close). Everytime we go anywhere together, people CONSTANTLY make comments like “youre next!” “when are you getting started” “when is your little one coming?” and it drives me NUTS! It makes for such an awkward situation… i usually say ohhh who knows, but like its awkward, and frankly an inappropriate question. I don’t ask people about their fertility plans… why are they asking me? I just kind of change the subject. I know its hard though, especially around the holidays when you’re already feeling down. 

Post # 3
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

View original reply
MrsBG :  Hugs! I can totally relate. January will be 2 years of TTC for us (currently in cycle #27 or 28 now) with two early losses. I have been very open about our experience to anyone who asks because I hate suffering in silence. Plus, when people ask or make stupid comments like “So when are you two going to have one? It’s about time!” I’ll share our experience and make them feel like a jerk. Maybe a little petty, but when you’ve had to suffer through the same comments over and over again, it feels good to shut them up!

If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, you can also give a bland response and change the subject. Think of a few topics before you get there so you’re prepared.

 

Post # 6
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
MrsBG :  I don’t have anything to say than to add that, I live in a diferent continent frommy family but they still get on the phone and ask when they are getting a nephew,niece,grandchild, you name it haha. I laugh it off cos we have only been trying a short time but have managed to get pregnant twice and ended in a CP. I am waiting for my next BFP and babies hopefully this month then when I have my babies, I would tell dem, ….remember that day you asked for a cousin,nephew, grandchild  I had just miscarried haha. maybe they would feel bad ,but knowing my friends and family and I truly love dem, they would only feel bad for a short while then in a couple months, they would start with…..baby needs a sibling . 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

View original reply
MrsBG :  I know everyone’s intentions are good, but they don’t realize a simple (yet intrusive) question can trigger so much grief. Here’s hoping the holidays fly by! Haha

Post # 9
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

View original reply
MrsBG :  Oh my gosh, that poor woman! THIS is why I’m so open about our struggles. If I can shut one fool up and prevent something like that from happening again…

Post # 10
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
MrsBG :  Holy shit are we the same person? I am also in the same boat, a 3 year old and trying for over a year to have #2 with several losses in there and we had a blighted ovum that was the absolute nightmare too, took over 5 months to resolve. But that was back in February and just like you here we at Christmas, and we are no further along. AND my SIL is also pregnant and starting to show a lot and it takes nothing now to bring me to tears. Man I can sympathize so hard with you. And I have her shower coming up too and I am soooooooo afraid of people turning the question to me of when we are going to have another. We are also on the crux of further intervention and IVF has been suggested.

I think I have to start being honest because it doesn’t serve us well anymore to be vague especially when I am always hanging on a cliff of emotion. But I also don’t want to be accused of stealing SIL’s thunder either with our issues. It’s so tough….and people LOVE those dismissive comments like Oh you have one you’ll have another…pssh! No biggie just relax.  (and I give them a telepathic punch to the face with my mind)

I don’t know what the best advice is, fake it til you make it always seems to be my default. *hugs*

Post # 11
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I honestly don’t think you can stop people from asking, as much as we wish we could!

You could try something simple but honest that shares your struggle. For example you could say, “Not everyone gets to choose their timing. If it were up to us, we’d already have another by now.” That would hopefully stop the questioning.

Or you could say a more lighthearted, “We’ll have a second one just as soon as we can find a stork to bring one!” 

Post # 14
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would just say something vague like “we’ll see if we have another/maybe someday/if it happens it happens”.  It took 18 months to get our first baby (surgery, meds, testing…) all while my brother and SIL and close friends got pregnant.  I would just brush it off and say something vague if anyone asked.  I didn’t want people to know we were trying and it wasn’t happening because that made me feel weird, so I just kept it light and they wouldn’t push it.  I think people just ask to make conversation, so just take it as such and say what you feel comfortable saying. 

Post # 15
Member
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
MrsBG :  That sucks and I’m sorry. If you’ve done the polite “thank you but we don’t want to discuss our family planning” and they still push I would go straight to full bitch mode. That’s what I did. If people want to be rude then that’s what they get back! We had a few people be overly pushy and a straight faced “because we are [email protected]# infertile”  But then of course you get the suggestions on how you possibly aren’t trying hard enough and then they get “unless you are our fertility doctors you can shut the @#$# up about it now”.  Still won’t stop? Leave. Straight up. I have ZERO problem making a scene though. 

The topic ‘TTC & Surviving Holidays & What to say’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors