Post # 1
Last night I was working on some grad school work and I got to thinking. Darling Husband and I recently agreed that we do want children, but we dont want to seriously try for one for another two, possibly three years. I’m 25, he’s 29, we got married about 1.5 months ago. (I’m not on any BC so who knows, it could happen sooner, but we are not actually “trying”!)
I started thinking about this because I’ve noticed a lot of people from high school who got married less than 2 years ago are now starting to have babies, and it got me thinking about TTC and my personal timeline vs. others. I’m in graduate school and Darling Husband and I are working on upgrading our house. We are financially stable….but we are choosing to wait a few more years before baby. I guess I have to admit that I”m starting to feel some pressure because of all these people around me having babies and I feel like maybe I’m doing things in the wrong order. Somedays I wake up and I think, gee I’d like to just try now, and other days I wake up and think, oh man…I really want to have my master’s finished, first.
I know it doesnt matter about others and I should do what I feel is right for me and my Darling Husband…but sometimes I lay awake wondering if I am waiting too long or if I’m doing things in the wrong order. I’m also starting to fear that around our first anniversary, people are going to amp up the questions about babies and I’m just in general having anxiety about this.
So I am wondering…how old are you? How old is your DH? What is your TTC timeline, and why? Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? There has to be someone else out there feeling this way!
Post # 3
Ohhhh boy do I hear ya! I broke down your last paragraph so I didn’t miss anything 🙂
So I am wondering…how old are you? 28, 29 next month 🙂
How old is your DH? 29
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We are currently TTC. We were married just over a year ago and just started TTC last month. We decided to wait at least a year to enjoy each other, enjoy married life, our new home, new life, travel etc. Wanted to build our foundation together before expanding our family.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? OH YES. We got questions BEFORE our wedding about when we were going to have kids. Of course, once we actually got married it was a constant question. People seemed to stop asking about 6 months in, but now that it’s been a year + I get asked DAILY (not kidding) about if we are pregnant/trying/want kids/plans to have kids etc. It is exhausting, a little trying but we try to understand that poeple are just excited for us. We haven’t told anyone we are TTC so i guess people are getting anxious for us too. lol.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2012 - El Faro Convention center, Aguadilla, Puerto Rico
We are both 23 right now and we just discussed our three year plan ( We are weird but very efficient)
How old are you? How old is your DH? We are both 23
What is your TTC timeline, and why?
In specific order:
2013- Buy a House, Anniversary Trip Paris/London, Start MS
2014 – Furnish House, Anniversary Trip Germany/Russia, Finish MS
2015 – BABY MAKING!
TTC is officially on the schedule for start of 2015!
So I only have to wait 2.5 years to start TTC, hopefully we’ll be 26 and 27 when the baby comes. I’d like to be done having children by 30 because of health issues and we are plannignto have 2-3. Starting at 26 sounds perfect 🙂 I’m actually ridiculously excited to have a definite TTC timeline.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? I don’t feel it from others because we are both still pretty young but I def put pressure on myself. Sometimes I wake up and want to just say “screw it” to all our plans and just TTC, then my bit-more-rational side kicks in and insists I wait a couple more years. We are both really looking forward to starting a family and feel more than emotionally ready to start right now. Since we have crazy baby fever, it was a really good idea to sit down and discuss what our goals were for the next few years and how we would fit TTC into them. It helps me keep the fever in check.
I would suggest not listening to other people. Only you and Darling Husband now whats right for you. If you want children/ are ready for children, they are a blessing at any time, but if you have it in your power to plan TTC around other events in your life or postpone it until you feel is the right time, then why not? On the other hand, there is no RIGHT time time to have children so just do whatever feels right to you guys.
Post # 5
how old are you? How old is your DH? We are both 31
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We start trying in a month or so. We’ll have been married almost 2 years by then. We wanted to wait until we were financially stable enough for me to stay at home for a few years, plus we wanted some time to enjoy being married and be just the two of us before adding a baby to the mix. I’ve been ready for a few months, but there were a few things to figure out first.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? From my family, it’s not unspoken. My parents very much want me to have a baby even though they have two grand kids already. Our friends are only just starting to have babies (on purpose, at least) so that definitely stirs up the baby fever, but we also have friends who aren’t there yet at all. It comes up a lot more lately, though. The last wedding we went to I counted 6 people who asked me when or if we were having kids.
If I were your age when we got married, I would be more comfortable waiting longer. We want two, so we don’t want to wait much longer now in case it takes a long time, but at 25, you have so much time to do the things you want to do before kids. Try not to let outside pressure bother you, even though that’s easier said than done.
Post # 6
how old are you? How old is your DH? We are both 35
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We are going to start trying in September/October because I want to give birth next summer so I can be home with my other kids as well on their summer vacation.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? No pressure because we are ready. We have only been married a few months but have been together 4 years, have great jobs, own a home and well not to mention, we are no spring chickens.
I was done with kids but then I met my Darling Husband, who has no kids. At first we thought we would not have any and just enjoy eachother since my kids are 18 and 11. In a few years, my 11 year old will be all about her friends so it would leave us to enjoy ourselves but we both want to share that experience. I want to give the man of my derams a baby. If I had children with a horrible man who treated me like poop, I could only imagine with a great man whom I adore. 🙂
Post # 7
How old are you and your DH? I’m 27, will be 28 next month. DH is 32.
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We are just about to start TTC. I just took my last BC pill on Saturday! I joined FF, and bought a BBT thermometer to start charting.. hoping my body returns to normal quickly after 10 years on BC. I’m a little hesitant to start TTC now because I’ve been really hating on my job lately and was considering trying to find a new one first, but who knows how long that will take and I don’t want to put TTC on hold indefinitely.. Our first anniversary was in May, and we wanted to go on a few vacations with just the two of us before bringing a baby into the mix… that, and I wanted to enjoy sleeping in for a little bit longer! We also wanted to buy a new, bigger “family house,” which we did in February.. now we’ve got 4 bedrooms and only 2 of us! 🙂
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? A little bit, but not too much. Most of the questions come from my co-workers, my Mother-In-Law, and my sister. A good friend has also been TTC for a few months now, and there’s a bit of unspoken pressure from her to have babies around the same age who will grow up together.
Post # 8
How old are you? I am 30, Darling Husband will be 30 in September.
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We are currently TTC. We’ve been married for 4 months but have been together for nearly 9 years so we have had lots or “us” time. We already own a house together, are debt free (other than the mortgage) and have done some travelling. It just seems to be the right time now.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? Oh yes. People have been asking us about babies for years. Everyone says we HAVE to have babies. I am a very private person so I just tell everyone I have no plans to ever have kids so they leave me alone. We are not telling anyone that we are TTC. They will just be extra suprised!
Post # 9
How old are you? 24
How old is your DH? 27
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We would like to have 1 child before Darling Husband is 30. We are going to start house hunting this fall and buy when we can. We are going to enjoy our married life for at least a year before we start TTC (I’m on BC, but if we had an oopsie, we wouldn’t be mad or anything). We are concerned because endometriosis runs in my family, so that is why we want to start sooner rather than later at least for one child in case there are complications.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? I feel like I’m trying to please others without them wanting to be pleased. For instance, I really want to give Darling Husband a 5 generation on his mom’s side, even though none of them have been pressuring me. But I am content if that doesn’t happen, and I know I want a house first.
Post # 10
So I am wondering…how old are you? Just turned 30
How old is your DH? 27
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We’ve bren married 10 months. We are on cycle 2 of TTC. We’re through with school, both have job, and mama’s not gettin’ any younger! We really want at least 3 kids, so that’s a big factor for us since I would prefer to not be having kids in my late 30s. We also wanted a year of being married before any little ones.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? I think it’s all SPOKEN pressure for us! Our families are ready for a baby announcement! 🙂 I put a lot of pressure on myself because of my age, but most of my friends either already have kids quite a bit older or aren’t married yet, so socially, we don’t feel pressure. We really want a family, and while there is never a “perfect” time, this felt right to us.
Post # 11
I am 26, Darling Husband is 27. We have been married a year in Sept and our son will be 3 next month. We are currently TTC #2! Yay! We want to have another before DS gets too big and we decide we don’t want another baby, lol. We have been getting a lot of pressure since the wedding to have another but we have gotten used to ignoring it, lol.
Post # 12
How old are you? 29 for a couple more days….turning 30 on Thursday!
How old is your DH? 34
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We are currently TTC. We’ve been married for almost two years and feel like the time is right. We feel stable financially and professionally and we aren’t getting any younger! We want two children with a couple years between them, and we’d like to be done having kids by the time I’m 35…so it’s now or never! I would say that we’ve both felt ready for about a year, but have been waiting for the right time to get started.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? No. While some people (esp. DH’s sisters) try to pressure us, we really don’t let it get to us. This is not a decision that is to be taken lightly and it wasn’t something we were interested in doing until we felt ready, regardless of what anyone else said or did.
Post # 13
So I am wondering…how old are you? I am 21, 22 in a few months.
How old is your DH? He is 32.
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We are TTC now. He has a good job and is the primary financial provider, so I will quit my job and be a stay at home mom when the time comes. I am on the waitlist for nursing school, so I will return to school when baby is about 1-2 years old. This will work out perfectly! We already have a house, we’ve already traveled. We would like to have our first child before Darling Husband is 34, because he wants to be done by his late 30s and I want a lot of kids.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? I feel pressure not to be TTC. My mom wants me to wait until I am done with nursing school to have a baby, but I wanna not work for the first year of life. I don’t wanna rush to get my degree and then not work and be out of practice when I return to work later in life. You know?
Post # 14
how old are you? How old is your DH?
I am 30.5, he is 27.5
What is your TTC timeline, and why?
Getting married in two weeks and TTC right away. We’ve had a whirlwind romance, full of travel an excitement, now we are ready to settle down and start a family together. He is the breadwinner and makes enough for me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for the first few years. Fiance wants 2 kids before I am 35 (for medical safety), and I don’t want to be mega pregnant in the heat of the summer, so we will stop using condoms right away, and see what happens. 🙂
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others?
The opposite. Because of our quick timeline, most people are asking “what’s the rush?”. Since we are not planning a full wedding (hence my username), we had a short 4-month engagement. But, everyone is different and this is what feels perfectly right for us. 🙂
Post # 15
So I am wondering…how old are you? Almost 24
How old is your DH? Nearly 23
What is your TTC timeline, and why? We were baby-crazy when we got married, but decided to wait until we’d been married a year. Darling Husband has a great job, and I can work pretty much anywhere so we knew we were okay. We got a little impatient and started TTC in January/February of 2011. Now that its been nearly 18 months (infertility, PCOS), we’re so glad that we started when we did.
Do you feel unspoken pressure from others? We’re the first of our friends to get married and even be close to TTC, so there’s no pressure. However, when I see my little sister’s friends getting accidentally knocked up on Facebook, I feel the pressure/envy then.
Post # 16
@redsmarties: I didn’t know you/DH were on the younger side! I feel so alone being 21 =( we are the youngest ones TTC on this thread. I am constantly feeling judged. I know it’s silly…. =/ Are you feeling judged at all?