(Closed) TTC via Adoption

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Congrats on getting things going!  This is so exciting.  I agree with PPs, hopefully it will become more real and exciting to your DH as you go through the process.

Post # 17
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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GrannyPantiesRock:  Forty thousand American dollars? Got damn. It definitely sounds like you guys are prime candidates though! 

And with your husband… Do you think maybe he’s kind of scared to get his hopes up again? I know it’s a different situation, but my husband is still too scared to put the crib together or buy anything for our impending baby, and I think sometimes it sucks for guys because they really aren’t encouraged to process their feelings about loss. I mean, except by their wives, of course. But I think because women are more likely to talk to each other about this kind of stuff, hear other peoples opinions and empathy and experiences, etc… It’s easier for us to even begin to identify our emotions, let alone discuss them. I don’t know, I’m rambling, but I wouldn’t worry too much that he is thinking “consolation prize.” He sounds way too awesome for that. 

Keep us posted, please! 

Post # 18
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh, and also, you might enjoy Mrs. Jacks’ blog on hellobee – she has one bio-child and one adopted one, and is in the process of adopting her adopted child’s biological sibling. So lots of good stuff about “blended” (would that be the right word?) families and the adoption process. 

http://www.hellobee.com/author/mrs-jacks/

Post # 19
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Interesting topic. I live in a different country outside us and i have been looking into adoption but it seems nearly impossible here. We only have an agreement with limited countries and most are already closed for new applications as they are banked up at least 7 years as is with applications. There doesn’t seem to be a chance of local adootion either just fostering which would scare me too much as most children end up back with family and that would break my heart. I really wish adoption was more accessible for people as we have so much love to provide a child and it doesn’t seem fair.

i hope it all goes well for you, i know how tough miscarriages can be and you are lucky that you are able to get started on the process. Good luck

Post # 21
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

I think I am going to be starting the adoption process in about two years (in my head it seems like forever away). Best wishes!

Post # 22
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

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GrannyPantiesRock:  i was adopted and Fiance and I started the adoption process before we got our (completely unexpected) BFP, so we put everything on hold for now.

do you live in the US?  we are in canada, so things may be different for my parents and for us, since we chose to adopt through the children’s aid society.  i was adopted as an infant (4 months old) and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.  we have a closed adoption, so i have minimal information about my birth parents, but i actually really prefer it that way. 

some things to consider are definitely the time it takes – my parents pushed Fiance and I to start the process because they waited 5 years to get me.  at that time, you couldn’t adopt after 40, so my parents got me and then never had the chance to adopt more children.  i’m sure things have changed since the 80’s though!

it’s a really tough process that weighs so heavy on your heart sometimes.  i remember when we found out that we were expecting, Fiance made an offhand comment like “phew, now we don’t have to adopt!” and i was really hurt by it.  it’s not that he didn’t want to start a family that way, it’s just a really scary world to venture into if you have no experience.

wishing you the very best xx

Post # 23
Member
848 posts
Busy bee

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GrannyPantiesRock:  We live and adopted in Nevada. We are considered a pretty easy state to adopt in. There are some states that have much longer waiting periods before the birthmom can terminate her rights. In Nevada it’s only 72 hours. I have several friends who adopted through Catholic Charities of Southern Nevada, I’m sure they have locations in every state- maybe something to look into, everyone I know that used them has great things to say about them. They really strive to educate both birthmom and adoptive mom, so they have very little issues with the birthmom changing her mind.

Foster to adopt can be scary- I think you just have to know what your goal is- if it’s adoption then you have to be willing to wait for the right situation. We met several couples in our classes that adopted babies through foster care- most of them were safe haven babies. Good luck! let me know if you have any more questions, I’m happy to share.

Post # 25
Member
7467 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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GrannyPantiesRock:  I think it’s such a hard process, and you just have to decide which is the right avenue for you to take. I have a friend that had a relatively easy process adopting (via foster) her first two kids. Then she got a third and it was a NIGHTMARE and ended up losing her after having her in their home over a year.

One of my closest friends has had basically the worst adption journey EVER. She and her DH are two of the most qualified candidates yet the stars will just not align. They started with private adoption and lost many many many thousands of dollars paying medical care only to have birth mothers change their mind. They moved to foster-to-adopt and on their first placement (which they were told was basically a done deal) they lost him after 18 months when a family member came out of the woodwork. Because of their experiences, I just don’t know if I could do it. I would consider private adoption, but with that it’s not impossible if you can afford it.

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