Post # 1
Regular Bee going anonymous for the one. Really just looking for advice or to hear about your experiences.
I’ll be halfway to 30 when I am married, and with all of the statistics on the issues with TTC late, I am down right freaked the hell out, because I should be ready, and I want kids (2), but I am not. In fact.. I feel far too young. I know – I’m not, but I feel it!
My fiancé and I can support a child. I pay student loans, but combined we make over $150k. I live in an expensive area, however. I am career driven and do not want to be a stay at home Mom. I’m worried that having kids will limit my growth potential, and I’d rather wait so I can grow in my career a bit more, but time is not in my favor. There are so many things I want to do too – ride motorcycles, do some international traveling. But we cannot do that until the wedding is paid for, we buy a home and a new car, stretching my timeline out even further. Also, my image of myself constantly pivots between two competing personalities.
That was a great deal of nonesense, so I will stop right there. Anyone else have these thoughts before TTC? What did you do, and how did having children at the age you did turn out? Regrets? Thankfulness?
Post # 2
So you are 25? That means you have 10 years to get ready before you would be considered late maternal age.
Or you will turn 30 6 months after getting married? Even then you would have 5 years.
You have time to do things before TTC and it’s important that you feel ready, not just that you look ready on paper. Having kids is a life-changer and you can’t go back. Don’t pressure yourself into something you aren’t ready for.
I also suggest doing some research on TTC at various ages over reading issues people are having on the boards, it’s a very skewed sample as people are more likely to post when they are having problems.
My husband and I are planning on TTC this summer. We will both be 28. We are actually less financially prepared than you appear to be but mentally/emotionally we are ready and we will make it work financially.
Post # 3
If you are 25, you still have a lot of time to do things as just a married couple. Life doesn’t end once you have a child, it’s just a different perspective. I think it would help if you quit listing out things you feel you cant do once you have a child. Also, im 29 now, but at 25 I was NOWHERE near ready or wanting to have a child. Things have changed in 4 years.
Post # 4
I am 30 now and pregnant for the first time. I was deinitely not ready at 25…or 26…or really until I married my husband and we established a life together than made me excited to hstart our family together. Personally I think there are a lot of benefits to being a bit “older” when you start having children, and like PP said you have a lot of time before there are any health considerations related to conception and pregnancy (that are age-related).
Post # 5
Everyone’s timetable is different. There’s no right or wrong answer. I think many women who are career oriented focus on that first before transitioning to having kids. Even after you birth your baby, you can still go back to your career.
I am pregnant with my first now in my early 30s. We weren’t TTC; it was a surprise pregnancy. Fortunately, my career is in line, and we’re going to make it work. It will all be ok!
Post # 6
I am 36 and am pregnant with my first. I asked my obstetrician (on Wednesday) whether I was considered of ‘advanced maternal age’ and she said no, basically that they don’t really consider you ‘old’ until after 38 (in Australia) and it’s far more important to be healthy, a non-smoker, and of a healthy weight range. She said that those factors, particularly smoking and obesity are real red flaggers (my words not hers!). There was no way I was ready at your age, I would have considered it a disaster.
Post # 7
What do you mean by “halfway to 30”? That would make you 15 but surely that’s not correct.
Post # 8
Oh man girl, slow down! You’re more likely than not to be fine whether you have a kid at 25 or 35.
There are a lot of myths and misunderstanding of statistics in terms of all the advanced maternal age panic. Dont worry about being too old to have kids any time soon! Focus on a career, relationship, getting your life set up. You’ll be able to start a family later on and you’ll know when you’re ready.
Your post made me think of this:
Post # 9
I’d readdress ttc in a couple years hun.
I just turned 27 and my husband is about to turn 27 next month and we’re expecting our first child in June 2018.
We’ve travelled a bit, in a position financially where I can be a Stay-At-Home Mom (which is what we both want for our family) and we got married and bought a house this year, which were our two big prerequisites. We’ve also been together 10 years in February and want three children so that had a baring on the timing.
Time is on your side and you are young! You could easily pop two kids out between 30&35. No rush x
If I were you, I’d book some travel in for next year, accomplish a couple more goals then see where you are in a year. Remember that you can still travel with a child. We are going overseas on holiday when our baby is very small at the end of next year. Only for a week and they’ll be staying with my parents. You don’t die when you become a parent.
Post # 10
Sorry, I wasn’t at all clear. When I am married I will be 29 and a half years old.
Y’all are making me feel A LOT better. In my own neurotic brain by 30 I’m somehow getting too old for kids. Perhaps it is because my parents had their first at 26, and my grandparents at 19. 19! What on earth… I know that my Mom had early menopause, which is what spurned the panic in the first place.
leahbeeah : This made me laugh out loud!
Post # 11
anon4theseones : If 30 is old, my poor kid is doomed! You’re fine! Relax!
Post # 12
Sorry, I though you meant you were 25… got the wrong end of the stick there.
Post # 13
I’m 27 and we’re expecting our first in March (DH is 34). Of the people I grew up with, only a few others are having kids this “young.” In fact, most aren’t even married yet – so they probably won’t be having kids until they’re in their 30’s.
Pick out what’s REALLY important to you before having kids, but realize that there will always be things that you wish you could have done before having them.
Career wise, you’ll really just be out for maternity leave. When I told the executive that’s in charge of my division at work that I was pregnant, I was nervous… but he laughed and said that in the US we only get a few months of leave (sad), and we proceeded to discuss my plans for career growth within our organization. Different mommas find different balance with work and baby, and many “career women” successfully juggle both.
Post # 14
If you’re ready, you’re not ready – you don’t have to be like a 25 year old to feel justified in what you’re feeling! I didn’t get married until 33 and even while TTC, there were times when I didn’t feel ready for giving up my freedom and whatnot. In some ways, having a child is a much bigger commitment than marriage! But as time passed, I did feel more ready. I’ve done quite a bit of traveling already in my 20s and early 30s. Activities that we’re used to doing solo, I wanted to start sharing them with a child of our own and also give him/her the same experiences that I loved when growing up. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is don’t panic yet, just focus on getting married first and then see how you feel later.
As for career, I know plenty of successful women around me who are moms and they manage to do fine with maintaining their career. It’s not easy but it’s doable. Also depends on your line of work and whether advancement means you have to put in a certain number of hours, etc. I don’t plan on being a SAHM! As for house, you don’t need to have that set up first. Darling Husband and I currently own a 2 bedroom condo with the purpose of being able to raise kid #1 in it. The plan is to upgrade to a house once we have kid #2. We’re saving a lot more $$ right now by not buying the big house first and dealing with higher mortgage payments, like some of our peers who bought the house first and it took awhile for them to have kid #1 or they still have no kids at all. These are just my personal opinions and experiences, ultimately you have to do what’s comfortable for you and your FH and be on the same page about when to start TTC.
P.S. – I’m 35 and pregnant now, I’ll be 36 when I give birth.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
I totally understand your back and forth, two competing mindset! You’re not crazy. Or, if you are, then that would make me crazy too haha. I think the reason you might be panicking is that you, like me, have this urgent bucket list of stuff that you need to accomplish before 30. Go through the list and see whether things really *have* to be in order (why do you need a house to travel? In fact, a house means you’ll have less money to travel, right?) and also what things can be removed from the list. See what is a fantasy wish list and what are actual goals. You’ll be okay 🙂