(Closed) Ttc/adoption

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am very sorry, I am not an expert but have always wanted to adopt whether being about to conceive or not. This is disheartening to hear. Would being a foster parent make a difference? It is a more difficult path but might the eventual adopt easier…?

Post # 4
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Best of luck! I hope you get the little ones to care for and spoil a bit!

Post # 5
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

How frustrating for you! People that say adoption is An easy option obviously have no idea. The hoops you have to jump through are crazy and it’s definitely not an easy, done deal. Also a shame that you guys were honest and then this happened. Crossing my fingers it all works out for you 

Post # 6
620 posts
Busy bee

I take it you were going through an agency? Look for a different one. Does your state allow for independent adoptions? Some states don’t allow it, but if yours does, there aren’t as many rules. It’s more a  matter of an expectant parent choosing you. You should absolutely still be able to have biological children if you adopt. Some places do have rules about having infants/being pregnant when you’re adopting and will ask you to wait until your child is a certain age, but it would be a matter of you not TTC while you’re going through the process (because it’s legitimate for them not to want you to adopt and have a baby on the way), not forever giving up on TTC. Unless you’re insisting that you’re trying to have a baby while you’re also adopting one, saying that you’ll never give up on having a biological child should not be grounds to deny you an adoption. Don’t give up your hope of adopting based on one agency!

Post # 7
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
trinity_542:  Yes. We were TTC for a year and a half and had 2 miscarriages. We began the process of domestic newborn adoption with an agency that’s fairly prominent in the north east. When I got pregnant for the third time, we had to put everything on hold until our bio kid is a year old. They don’t refund your money either, just put it towards future costs. I knew all of this ahead of time since it was in the contract, but it’s still disappointing for couples open to both biological and adopted kids.

Post # 8
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I would try a different agency.  If that’s a question they have a problem with, learn from it and decline to answer next time.  

That is so frustrating! I don’t understand why they would have that sort of restriction (or frankly, how it’s any of their business!) 

Post # 9
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ

I also have PCOS and will be looking into adoption. My mother was a foster mom and social worker while I was growing up, so I have plenty of info. My brother is also adopted.

1. Adoption is going to be really expensive if you want a baby. You’re looking at a 2 year minimum. Many see up to 5 years. I hate to be discouraging, but that’s the reality. EVeryone wants a baby. This will be true of any agency, globally. 

2. Fostering is very emotionally taxing. Most of the children are older and have problems. If you do foster a baby, which is very unlikely, you won’t be able to adopt it. And that’s really, really hard. Foster if you want to help children in need, but not if you want to rent babies. 


If you are looking into adoption, I would very seriously talk about adopting an older child. They often come with emotional and behavioral baggage, but they are the most in need.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. 

Post # 10
49 posts
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
SamGoesWest:  All very good advice. 

I would add to that: don’t let your heart get attached to a baby until that baby is in your hands and the papers are signed. Nothing is guaranteed until those papers are signed.  Try to go into it without any expectations, if that’s possible.  Seriously guard your heart because it can be a long journey but totally worth it. 

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