Post # 1
My husband and I have been trying to concieve for two years i have been diagnosed with PCOS and had a miscarriage approx 2 years ago. I have known my husband from when we were kids and been dating for approx 5 years. I am heartbroken i cannot give him a family. My doctor thinks it would not be feesable for us to have a child naturally however we still hope someday therefore still try however i dont temp or take any medication etc. We both were pretty set on adopting at some stage in our lives we got together late im in my thirties and we would like at least two or three children, therefore we proceeded with this path thinking it should not be a problem we both have our own home nearly payed off both got good jobs have great family around us and are a stable couple etc…. however we got told last week that they would not be happy proceeding. I was blindsided. The reason they gave was because my husband and I were honest and said that we would never give up hope for us to concieve naturally. i would love all my children adopted or natural so i really dont get this reasoning. they said we can try again in a few years which just breaks my heart as on average it can take 2 years to adopt so looking at a long road ahead of us.
Anyone else face this problem?
Post # 2
I am very sorry, I am not an expert but have always wanted to adopt whether being about to conceive or not. This is disheartening to hear. Would being a foster parent make a difference? It is a more difficult path but might the eventual adopt easier…?
Post # 3
theatrejulia: Thanks for yr reply. We actually applied for both and when speaking with the social worker she said that we would foster then adopt. I really think they want us to be done ttcing and will not consider it unless we come to that decision which i find very unresonable its not like if i got pregnant i would hand the child back. my husband and I never take any decision lightly and our ideal would be a two kid family ours or adopted (as my husband joked ready made lol ).
Post # 4
Best of luck! I hope you get the little ones to care for and spoil a bit!
Post # 5
How frustrating for you! People that say adoption is An easy option obviously have no idea. The hoops you have to jump through are crazy and it’s definitely not an easy, done deal. Also a shame that you guys were honest and then this happened. Crossing my fingers it all works out for you
Post # 6
I take it you were going through an agency? Look for a different one. Does your state allow for independent adoptions? Some states don’t allow it, but if yours does, there aren’t as many rules. It’s more a matter of an expectant parent choosing you. You should absolutely still be able to have biological children if you adopt. Some places do have rules about having infants/being pregnant when you’re adopting and will ask you to wait until your child is a certain age, but it would be a matter of you not TTC while you’re going through the process (because it’s legitimate for them not to want you to adopt and have a baby on the way), not forever giving up on TTC. Unless you’re insisting that you’re trying to have a baby while you’re also adopting one, saying that you’ll never give up on having a biological child should not be grounds to deny you an adoption. Don’t give up your hope of adopting based on one agency!
Post # 7
Yes. We were TTC for a year and a half and had 2 miscarriages. We began the process of domestic newborn adoption with an agency that’s fairly prominent in the north east. When I got pregnant for the third time, we had to put everything on hold until our bio kid is a year old. They don’t refund your money either, just put it towards future costs. I knew all of this ahead of time since it was in the contract, but it’s still disappointing for couples open to both biological and adopted kids.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I would try a different agency. If that’s a question they have a problem with, learn from it and decline to answer next time.
That is so frustrating! I don’t understand why they would have that sort of restriction (or frankly, how it’s any of their business!)
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ
I also have PCOS and will be looking into adoption. My mother was a foster mom and social worker while I was growing up, so I have plenty of info. My brother is also adopted.
1. Adoption is going to be really expensive if you want a baby. You’re looking at a 2 year minimum. Many see up to 5 years. I hate to be discouraging, but that’s the reality. EVeryone wants a baby. This will be true of any agency, globally.
2. Fostering is very emotionally taxing. Most of the children are older and have problems. If you do foster a baby, which is very unlikely, you won’t be able to adopt it. And that’s really, really hard. Foster if you want to help children in need, but not if you want to rent babies.
If you are looking into adoption, I would very seriously talk about adopting an older child. They often come with emotional and behavioral baggage, but they are the most in need.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Post # 10
All very good advice.
I would add to that: don’t let your heart get attached to a baby until that baby is in your hands and the papers are signed. Nothing is guaranteed until those papers are signed. Try to go into it without any expectations, if that’s possible. Seriously guard your heart because it can be a long journey but totally worth it.
Post # 11
SamGoesWest: juliette.eliza: GrannyPantiesRock: thanks ladies for the reply.
I live in the uk so there really is not an adoption agency as such but a adoption team who deal with all the adoptions in our area. They are the ones who say who is placed with who etc… I feel we have been mistreated in this situation but do not think i will get anywhere by arguing with them. Me and my husband have decided in a years time we will reapply and be more savvy with our answers which is horrible to have to do. I am not willing to give up having a biological child just yet but will not tell them that.
I am open to any age however for us as a couple i would prefer a child under 5. When i was speaking to the adoption social worker she seemed to think that under 5’s where the most common age of adoption which i was surprised at. However she did also mention that there is a big push for adopting sibling groups which my husband was all for however i was abit more hesident about but would be willing to consider it if it was the right situatation.