(Closed) Tumultuous Engagement. Help.

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My advice: pay for it yourself. Have the wedding you can afford. Then, they don’t have a say at all.

Post # 4
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow. *hugs*

I’m reading this really cool planning book right now and the first couple of topics are around announcing and priorities. If I were in your shoes, I’d probably take a lot of deep breaths, maybe scream into a pillow, and have a movie night with Fiance. Then I’d bring up the three things that mean most to me about the wedding and ask him to do the same. If you tell your Future In-Laws as a team, that these things are non-negotiable, maybe it’ll help.

And if it doesn’t, try to proceed without their help. You could have a smaller wedding with an appetizer reception or have the wedding during an off-time to help with costs.

I wish you all the best, planning should be a fun time for you and your Fiance. Please remember that it’s all about you two and your love, your dreams, your future together. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh honey. We had this option. Option A) have a wedding in Jamaica. Paid for by my parents. Family and attendants paid for by my parents both both Dh and I. Option b) pay for it ourselves. Have it in Saint Louis. Have everyone attend. Spend up our own money.

We chose option B. Money comes with strings. I know my parents–it would’ve been “their way”. I still had to fight them on some things along the way (oh, we were wasting money, blah blah blah) and it was WONDERFUL to tell them, “it’s not your money, keep the peanut gallery comments to yourself.”

If they’re already being jerks about it, you’ll regret conceding to them 100%. have the wedding you CAN afford, whatever it may be.

Post # 6
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Okay, so here’s the deal: Money talks. If you count on their financial help, they get a say in some of these decisions. There’s no getting around it. So you have to decide what’s more important – getting help from them and accepting some compromises, or doing everything exactly your way and paying the full tab. (I opted for the second option and it’s been great, but not everyone can pull that off.) Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Unfortunatly, money usually comes with strings. If you want your wedding to be your way then you’re probably going to have to pay for it. However, if you’re fine with just doing what they want you to do then accept the money and do it their way. I’m sorry you’re put in this situation but I would advise thinking long and hard about if you want to be bound by strings or not.

Post # 8
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

October 2011 is too Soon for them? that’s a year away! I’ve already been engaged almost a year and I’m ready to get the show on the road. hahaha I wouldnt push the date back or anything, just pay for it yourself. I think in the end you will be happier! My dad is paying for the majority of my wedding and there were DEFINETLY strings attached! like having to invite not only my future-stepmother’s Parents but also her sister and her husband. Give me a break :)! So that is something to think about (the strings) hope it all works out!

Post # 9
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Agree with Statutory Grape!! While it sounds great to have others help pay for your big day because it can get a little overwhelming.  Its definitely a better idea to do what you originally planned to do…

Post # 10
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I say do it yourself, you will feel really good about it in the end. no hassle from in laws and it will just make your day that much more special that you two did it together on your own. Good Luck!

Post # 11
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Pay for it yourself.  All of the stress, hassle and heartache you’ll save will be well worth it.  Weddings can easily go from “joyous occasion” to “hell on earth” if you’re not careful and let other people have too much control.  Take the reins and make this wedding your own!

Post # 12
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Money comes with strings. No its not their wedding but if they are putting up that kind of cash then they do deserve some say in the party. If this is a headache now it will only get worse at every decision point they are involved with. 

I think the best way to handle this if you do accept their help is to have them pay for certain items (maybe the caterer and dj?).  Let them know they can be involved in the process (and have a say) because they are paying for it. 

That way if you are paying for the flowers you don’t have to worry about her input. 

Post # 14
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@luckyme610: I think asking them to pay for a specific thing like the photography is a great idea- as long as you really don’t have any specifics. Otherwise, try to do it yourself. My Future Mother-In-Law has been a constant challenge throughout our engagement, because she is paying for half. If I had to do it over again, I’d elope just to avoid her nastiness.

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