(Closed) Turns out DH used to date his best friend's sister and he lied about it.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SamanthaBolero:  ((HUGS))  No, you aren’t wrong to feel this way.  It may have happened ten years ago but you JUST found out about it, so for you it is a new thing.  You are handling it spectacularly well.

One thing your husband is going to have to realize and deal with, though, is that he has now changed in your eyes from someone you trusted completely to someone you know lived with a huge lie for a very long time.  Don’t let his “relief” at things being out on the table exempt him from letting you take as long as you need to to get past this.

The bottom line is he loves you, he is married to you, he is there with you – he’s not with her.  But, now that you know all this he should:  get rid of the pictures and get off FB with her.  There is no need to rub salt in your wounds.  Ask him clearly to put himself in your shoes.  Ask how he would feel if he had just learned such news about YOU as this.  Ask what he would want you to do to restore the faith and trust in your marriage, because that’s what he needs to do. 

If you don’t heal from this – and take your time – you’re going to feel a lot of resentment towards him.

It might take time.  You can’t gloss over this.  It HURTS.  It sucks that he lied about something this big.  But at least now it is in the light and from here you can begin healing – IF he helps you to heal.  If he does what you ask of him (get rids of pictures and cut off contact with her).  He needs to do whatever it takes to save his marriage.

Post # 18
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@BrandNewBride:  that was my big issue!!

Post # 21
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I understand that you’re upset, because for you, this is new information. You were both much younger, he thought the grass was greener and found out the hard way that it isn’t.  Thing is, he handled it the right way.  He broke up with you, and he didn’t cheat on you. Even after they broke up, he didn’t go right for the rebound.  He dealt with his personal shit and realized that he’d made a mistake, and went to make things right.  You took thing slowly, you both matured and found out that you were in fact, right for each other all along. 

I’ll say that he was wrong for the lie, but I also understand that there’s no GOOD time to bring that back up.  I don’t disclose the intimate details of my past to my fiance.  Who I slept with before dating him isn’t his concern, all that matters is that he’s the only one I’ve slept with since.

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