Post # 1
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
Looking for some suggestions!
My husband works from home all day (reading, writing, etc) and he turns on the tv at about 5pm. It stays on until 11:30 unless we’re going out.
It’s driving me insane. We live in a two bedroom apartment so the only place I can escape within the apartment is the bedroom where I can escape to read.
He goes to the gym during the day and is worn out by reading by 5pm due to his work so he says he needs to veg out.
I’m really not used to this much tv but find myself getting sucked in. I’m worried because we’re trying to get pregnant and I don’t want to raise a kid surrounded by this much tv.
Plus I’m find that it’s driving me nuts in terms of my own routine. It’s such a tiring brain suck. Suggestions of low cost things to do as alternatives? Ways to limit? It’s impacting my sleep because I have to get up in the morning for work.
Post # 3
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
Ugh – I hate that thing too. I hope you find a way to make it work.
I just make up things for us to do ahead of time. Plan dates, or visits to friends and family.
Also…if its a two bedroom – what about moving the tv out of the living room?
Post # 4
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
If you have such a problem with it, why don’t you plan things to do at night – date nights, go to the movies, play games, join a club or activity. Unless you are suggesting other things to do, he’s not going to just decide not to watch tv.
Post # 5
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Maybe he needs to get a pair of wireless headphones for the TV if possible? If the noise bothers you at times. However, if you are looking for something to do together other than watch TV how about a walk or game night a few times a week or something? Also, make sure you eat together when you come home from work.
Post # 6
Member
6884 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I dont know why dont you just you know talk to him about it. Explain what it does to you?
Post # 8
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
I have talked to him about it — he doesn’t get the problem. He’s really encouraging of me hiding myself away in the bedroom as a way of avoiding the tv.
Maybe I need to find ways as well of improving my hideaway spot. Right now I can still hear the tv from the bedroom but maybe if I set up some speakers to play music while I read…
It annoys me to have to hide away in the bedroom to avoid the Uber Tv.
He’s used to living alone prior to the past year and a bit. So he has his routine.And I’m not anti-TV. There are shows we watch together. But it’s all the time. And repeats. Endless repeats of shows we’ve already seen while we’re typing on our laptops.
I think the idea of eating together is a good one. We’ve been eating in front of the TV. Maybe we can set up our dining room to actually be a dining room.
Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
I am guilty of turning on the tv and radio for background noise without watching anything. I think a fair compromise is having him get headphones and watch things online.
As for dinner! I encourage you guys do get out from in front of the tv. My Fi and I turn off our cells, turn off tv, and it’s our time. Sometimes we have lots of conversation, other times we just eat in companionable silence. I think it’s a great time of day to spend personal time together without distractions.
Post # 10
Member
4997 posts
Honey bee
Oh that would make me really upset. Can you guys go to the gym together when you get home from work? I would definitely do “family dinner” together with no electronics, that’s my rule. At least then you get a half hour of time to talk and catch up.
Post # 11
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
We had this problem… but now I watch more TV than he does, I’m ashamed to admit.
The computer was his problem, actually. We actually instituted “No Computer” days back in the day because it drove me nuts that he would use the computer every spare second he had. I think I started out with 3 no computer days to call per month (we just agreed that was a good number). Then, I could “earn” more days by making bets and winning or doing other things. (wow, this sounds convoluted, but it worked well!)
After some time, he adapted to life without a computer dependency. Of course, once smartphones became all the rage, we had to figure out how to “power down” effectively.
All that was years ago, and we have a very happy (computer limited) life.
Playing board games or cards is a good home-bound activity without the TV on (we play music instead).
Maybe he would enjoy a new hobby? My husband takes a jiu jitsu class twice a week. He loves being active, and it gives me alone time to paint, workout or just hang out.
Post # 12
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
@canadablue: I think this is a losing battle. Your husband enjoys vegging out in front of the TV after work. If you want to spend time with him, can you put on some headphones and read on the couch while he watches TV? I guess I just don’t understand why people do things like institute rules for the SO’s because they don’t like something. My DH is constantly on his computer at night after work, because his job is revolved around computers and he does work at night as well. If I tried to tell him to limit or change what he does at night, he would tell me to take a hike.
As suggested above, I think you should plan your own non-TV watching activities at night, or find a way to better drown out the noise (white noise machine maybe?) because I really don’t think it’s fair to tell him what he can and cannot do every night after work.
Post # 14
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
@canadablue: Can’t relate…SO and I love TV and if we are home and awake, the TV is on at all times. That’s just how I grew up and him as well. I feel strange when it is NOT on to be honest…
Post # 15
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
i think you need to break down the reasons why the tv is upsetting to you and deal with the issues separately. from what you’ve said, there are a bunch of different things with different solutions:
1. feeling like you’re pushed into the bedroom–this is a territorial kind of issue; the living room is shared space, so your husband needs to be able to share it. maybe he could get headphones or a smaller tv in another room so you can take turns using the space or share it more fairly
2. feeling like you don’t get to spend time together without the tv on–turning the tv off at dinner or doing stuff at night to cut down on tv time could help. i used to get frustrated that dh would watch so much tv over the weekend, and so i started suggested alternative activities we could do–taking hikes or just nice long walks with our dogs, playing board games, etc. this is my personal biggest issue with the tv: we always make rules for ourselves about not watching tv at dinner time and we always break it because we’re tired at the end of the day, lol…i need to get better at this myself 😉 another option would be asking him to hold off on gym time until the evening so you can go together
3. worrying about too much tv when you have kids–this is a long term issue that has to do with parenting priorities. if i were you, i’d try to talk about this with him calmly during a general conversation about future parenting, not when you’re feeling frustrated about the other, separate issues above, since if you don’t have kids yet, it’s still an abstract concept. if you want to limit your kids’ exposure to tv, then it’d be really hypocritical for the dad to be watching so much, but again, this is a future issue.
Post # 16
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
I don’t think it’s so bad, as you said he works all day reading etc.. and just wants to give his brain a break at night. I could see turning off the tv while preparing and eating dinner to give you two time to talk, but after that if he wants to spend his spare time watching tv and you don’t then going in to the bedroom to read is a feasible alternative in my opinion.
Imagine you were the one who wanted to veg out to the tv after a long days work and your DH was telling you that didn’t work for him. I totally get compromise, but his habit could be something so much worse.
Everyone has to have an outlet, it just happens that both of yours are on opposite ends of the spectrum. If he is ignoring you all the time for the TV though, then that’s a straight up addiction that will probably need some changes.
