Honestly? By getting pregnant before I could even process it. I both recommend and don’t recommend it. It took us 9 months of all-in TTC to get pregnant (there was no “let’s see what happens!” about it, ha) the first time. I miscarried in my 6th week, and like you, was so anxious about it. I was out of state visiting family, so I didn’t have DH with me, which absolutely led to some trauma. I miscarried on a Thursday, came home on a Sunday, and had a follow up appointment a few days later. At the appointment, everything had passed and looked good, so the midwife told me that physically, we were cleared. Emotionally, she told us to just wait until we felt ready.
Given that it was a longer and more stressful road for us, I started testing for ovulation at CD 10 like normal, and when the signs of ovulation started, we decided on the fly “well we don’t really have time to waste if it could be another 9 months.” Much to our shock, we got pregnant right away. We were NOT emotionally ready.
Honestly, the first trimester was bad. I wish I could say that I found some zen, but I found the anxiety to be very hard to deal with, especially after some bleeding at 6 weeks (it quickly resolved and I went on progesterone to be safe). We hadn’t even had time to process our loss, we just went into “okay it’s time for the appointments” and then “oh shit, I’m ovulating soon, what to we do” and then the TWW.
That being said, it DID get easier as time went on. Each milestone (8 week ultrasound, NIPT, 13 week ultrasound, anatomy scan, viability, now the impending 3rd trimester) has brought INFINITE relief, and my anxiety has been manageable since 13 weeks, and very minimal since 20 weeks. The normal, boring, semi-unpleasant parts of pregnancy all seem magical, and no amount of nausea or food aversions or insomnia has bothered me, because I SO KEENLY remembered what it was like to miscarry. Additionally, I don’t really think that it would have been any easier to wait. My parents waited like 3 years after miscarrying their first pregnancy, and 33 years later, my mom VIVIDLY remembers the intense anxiety she felt. Unfortunately, I think it’s just par for the course.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a shitty club to be in. I do think, being Pollyanna, that it brings a lot of perspective and patience in future pregnancies, though, which is a silver lining of sorts. It’s also par for the course that it’s probably going to be sad and suck to some level forever. It does get easier with each passing month, though, and I will say that (as cheesy and annoying as it is) I have found some real peace in it all, because any other outcome/decision (miscarriage, delaying TTC, any other sequence of events) would mean a different baby, and while he’s not here yet, I can’t fathom him not existing.