(Closed) Twenty Somethings – Ever feel like you're getting married too young?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 62
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@BridieBea:  I totally get what you mean. I’m 22 and will be getting married at 24 and sometimes I feel likei wish we had met later in life. I love SO and can’t imagine ever living without him, but one of my friends justgot a job in Greenland and decided to stop seeing the guy she was dating (she wasn’t madly in love) and she just said -This is my adventure- 

I won’t lie I was super envious! 

I never was one of those girls who dreams of getting married and having a family, I mean i wanted to find the right person but not for a loooong time. Ideally in my late twenties. I had budgeted for another 6 yearsat least of “my adventures”.

And to think that compared to most people I know, even older than me, I have done much more, I’ve lived in 3 different countries (not counting summer internships around the world), have travelled (I’ve touched base in all continents at least once except for the poles), have had serious relationships and not so serious ones 🙂

So althought I feel so lucky that I met SO sometimes a little part of me misses being single and alone.

I think it’s absolutely normal and healthy to feel this way. It means that your SO enriches your life but he isn’t the centre of it and you are perfectly capable to have a happy and satisfying life as a single person.

Post # 63
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was 22 when we got engaged and will be 24 when we get married. Fiance will be 31.

Personally, I don’t feel like I’m too young because I’ve had a fair bit of ‘life experience’. I was in a serious relationship from age 15-19, moved out of home at 17, I’ve done the single partying thing, travelled overseas by myself, etc. I don’t feel like marriage will lead to me ‘missing out’ on anything I haven’t already done.

I’m glad Fiance is older though because I don’t meet many men my age who seem emotionally ready for marriage. Obviously there are exceptions – I just haven’t met them!

Post # 64
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

i agree with you completely. I’m 27, will be 28 when we marry and even I feel young.

Sure you’re in love. That’s great. Sure you’re mature and stable. But you know what, you wont be able to do everything you want because now you’re in a marriage. Marriage means sacrifice. Am I too young to be willing to sacrifice all of MY desires because my future husband needs a new job or is transferring to a new location?!

We live together now and I think, yeah, I can do this forever. But ask me at 22, 23, or 24? I had NO idea who I was at that age. I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship that I was soooo sure it was forever. He even proposed. If we would have gotten married, I would have bet the pot that we would have gotten divorced after a few years. But I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought he was everything in my life.

Holy crap was I stupid.

At 27, I feel like my handle on life is stronger. I am willing, without selfish thoughts about “my life” and “my dreams” because now I’ve become an adult and learned about “our life” and “our dreams”.

No offense young brides, but some of the young-uns I’ve seend don’t put out a good name for your age group. I believe many of you know exactly what you’re doing. But the 19 year old sister of one of my students who’s marrying her boyfriend who is still in high school because they’re in love… well, I just don’t know about them. He can’t even commit to doing a load of laundry. How’s he supposed to commit to being a husband?

Post # 65
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is always such a difficult question to answer! I had my parents tell me from a young age, you’re not getting married until you’re 27 or older, (Dad was 30 and Mom was 25 when they married). I never liked the notion that they thought age was important criteria.

However, now that I’m 22, and will be turning 23 2 weeks after our wedding, I can see where the red flags come up for people. I’m watching people that are 19 get engaged, not independent, no education (I’m talking HS education even) and thinking that “love will pay the bills”. I don’t agree. My fiance and I will be together for nearly 4 years when we marry, and we waited until I was done with college and both had jobs that would be able to support us financially. I also feel as though we’ve had enough time to know each other and make sure this is right for us.

I have several friends that haven’t waited as long to get engaged/married, and that’s up to everyone and their partner! But as for myself, I feel like 22 is perfect for my fiance and I. :]

Post # 66
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@BridieBea:  I’m 21 and I do sometimes feel the judgement from others that I’m getting married too young. I know I’m going to change over the next 5 years. Hell, I’ll change over the next 10, 20, and 30 years too. That’s what marriage is though. Changing together, growing together, and being there and loving them every step of the way.

Like you mentioned Paris, New York, and India, I am someone that LOVES change. ESPECIALLY moving. However, I’ve been blessed with someone that says, “You want to go? Let’s go!”

I have a LOT to figure out, but I think it’s a blessing to have someone to figure it all out with.

Funny, I had a professor today talk about the exact opposite perspective. He just turned 40, and he is still single. He spent his whole life believing he should settle down later. He passed up the love of his life because he wanted to be crazy in his 20’s. Then he looked up one day, and he was alone and 30… And let’s be honest, the pool to choose from is much smaller at 30, which is what has made him a bachelor at 40.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying your 20’s, figuring out who you are, but it should never be an excuse to avoid growing up. Because in the end, you could miss out on the love of your life! (Of course, I’m not talking about YOU, just a general you.)

That was a novel, I’m sorry! Just how I see it!

Post # 67
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@BridieBea:  love this. In my head it’s life Indiaa…Israaaael…..Russssia..lol  Yea, and also Darling Husband is first serious boyfriend, which makes my “Am I too young?”  doubt that much worse.  Cause even though he IS amazing, no doubt…I just always wonder if I lost something by not dating lots of guys or partying or doing crazy things? You know? But then at the end of the day, I look at myself, and I’m such a homebody, I’m like…eh…I probably wouldn’t do those things anyways?! 

Post # 68
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I dont think Im too young…I was engaged at 20 (Im now 21) and will be married at 22… I go out and have fun i go on holidays, I do girls nights, I do the tag along with the lads nights and i do couples nights. I live my life and marriage wont stop that. Marriage is the start of a new chapter in your life not the ubrupt end of the life as you know it! I have worked full time since the age of 16 Ive been to college I have a Job which im progressing in, I run and own my own car which I pay for and Im thinking of setting up my own business over the next couple of years. I consider myself mature and responsible. I think that age doesnt matter, I know my Fiance and I know myself and what I want (probably alot better than some people twice my age.) Age is just a number, Im ambitious and most importantly… HappySmile. Figuring out who I am at the age I am means I have more time to live my life to the fullest and enjoy myself and share my life and dreams with my FI’s life and dreams … because you never know what will happen.. the future isnt promised!

Post # 70
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This post made me feel so much better! I thought I was an “old” bride, engaged at 24, getting married at 26! Of course, my mom got married at 23 and my best friend got married at 24, so I was comparing myself to them!

I’m glad I’m still a young bride 🙂

Post # 71
Member
2285 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Not at all. All I’ve wanted for the last few years is to find someone and have children. And I’ve found that. I’m 26 and he is 23 and we’ve known each other for less than 2 years but it feels like our whole lives.

Post # 72
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Baltimore. MD.

Yes, I feel young sometimes. I’m 24, met Fiance when I was 18. We’ve known we would get married. Recently, the youngest a family member has been when getting married was 31. My sister got married last year at 31, my aunt got married at 35, another’s getting married at 34. I feel so young. I asked my mum if I were too young but she said it’s totaly fine. She got married when she was 17(Surprised) and had me when she was 25.

Post # 73
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Personally, I feel age really is just a number. What’s important is doing it RIGHT.

 

My Fiance is 27 and I’m 25, and we’re getting married in three weeks. I don’t for one second feel too young to marry, and I can safely say that he doesn’t either. We dated, we moved in together, we got over each other’s bad habits and learned to share our space and have had our fair share of family catastrophes along the road of our 18 month engagement (not least of which being a traumatic bereavement).

 

All that did was show me how right it is for us. It really is all about emotional maturity and nothing to do with freedom – if he’s the right man you are free and you WILL be free, and so will he. He can still go to the pub, I can still have cocktails with my friends, we can still go on holidays and impulse-buy something frivolous and go on long, adventurous holidays. We can emigrate, we can move to the other end of the country, we can switch careers. We just do the big things together.

 

Married life is not about giving things up, it’s about doing those things together, and sharing your lives. At least that’s what it is for me.

 

Jitters about settling down is NORMAL – just remember that you don’t have to settle down, you just have an extra person to share your adventures with!

Post # 74
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I’m 22 and my SO is 21. We plan to get married this year, but no concrete plans until he proposes, haha. He still has to get the ring.

I don’t see what age has to do with it, really. We’ve been together 4 1/2 years and have been through so much and neither of us see the point in waiting in any longer. We’re best friends, and if one of us really wants to do something, we’ll work it out, and I don’t think being married is going to inhibit the ability for us to do that.

@Mischka:  I agree with that statement too! Honestly I think if you view marriage as a ‘trap’ you might want to reconsider what you really want.

We want to get married so we can explore and experience life together. We’ve been in a LDR for several years, and we know we can survive apart, but we thrive so much better when we’re together.

Post # 75
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m 24 & Darling Husband is 29, we’re both about to have our birthdays, too. I never thought that I was too young, I always felt lucky that I found my husband as early as I did. I would also add that I’m really mature for my age, as I’ve been through a lot. I think life experience makes a big difference, it’s not always about the age.

Post # 76
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

@misskittenn:  Exactly! 

@roweboat:  “I think life experience makes a big difference, it’s not always about the age.

Agreed!

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