Post # 1
I always thought I would have my twin as my Maid/Matron of Honor. Now I’m having second thoughts. When Fiance and I got engaged, she was less than enthusiastic. She questions every wedding decision we make. She doesn’t get excited about anything. I’ve recently decided to start studying for the LSAT and she is the only person who is against it. Seriously, 100% against it. When I decided to go back to school to get my bachelor’s degree (we both had Associate’s degrees), she was against that as well. It’s just hard to see her up there being my number one person knowing that she’s not my number one supporter. Any advice?
Post # 3
I think the fact that she is a twin sister may make the situation a little more difficult for some of us to understand. I would assume that she is expecting to be the Maid/Matron of Honor where as some sisters wouldnt assume that if the relationship was not the best.
It sounds like there are other issues at hand. Why is she not excited for you? Have you tried to talk to her about it? If you can get to the real issue the relationship may get a lot better.
Ask her why she doesnt seem to support your decisions in life. As her why she thinks the LSATs are a bad idea. Tell her you really want her to be happy for her, to be your sister and your friend and you are sad that you don’t feel that she is at this moment. Ask her what you can do to make things better (people dont like to be accused of things so if you ask her what you can do it helps to put them at ease)
If you try to talk to her and get nowhere then I would consider finding someone else, but be prepared for that decision to permantly affect your relationship negatively.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Not to agree with your sister… but I would be against any sibling of mine wanting to take the LSAT, too (says the lawyer). 😉
I would make her a “co-MOH.” She is your sister, even if she seems to be stuck in some sort of jealousy mode. But I agree that you want your Maid/Matron of Honor to be someone who is actually supportive of you and the choices you are making, and maybe a friend is a better person to do that.
Post # 5
@spaniel: As a lawyer, you have first-hand knowledge. 🙂 My sister didn’t even know what the LSAT was. Her first comment was, “Well, I guess you won’t be having kids anytime soon.” Well, no, they aren’t in the plans anytime soon, but if I do get pregnant, we’ll cross that bridge when and if we get there.
I’m going to email her and see if she will email me back. Usually in situations like this she just posts passive-aggressive facebook statuses and won’t talk to me.
Post # 6
That’s tough. My sister (not a twin) is going to be a bridesmaid, and my childhood best friend is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Have you already asked her to be your MOH? If so, I would just leave it. Your friends will make sure everything is taken care of.
Post # 7
I had a tough time decided not to have either of my sisters as my Maid/Matron of Honor but in the end it is the person who will squeel at a really cute pair of shoes with you and get excited when you show them a flower you are “thinking about”. You need someone up there who will be beyond supportive and not negative at all. It may be hard to not have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor in the beginning but TBO it doesn’t sound like she WANTS to be the Maid/Matron of Honor anyway!
Post # 8
If your date is true (2012) then I would personally wait a while and let the relationship play out a little more. To be honest, it sounds like good ol’ sibling jealousy. I’m sure it’s even more so since you are twins and you’re doing things “first” in regards to the Bachelors, LSAT and Marriage (assuming she isn’t married? maybe she is).
Anyways, I wouldn’t pick your bridal party just yet. I haven’t picked mine officially (though a few do know they’ll be in it) and our dates are very close. lol. There are always horror stories every once in a while about picking your wedding party too far out and people and plans changing.
I also think that you should work on the relationship; it sounds kind of tense right now and fixing that could definitely help you make this choice easier. Good luck! Btw I have twin step-sisters, so I sort of get the twin dynamic.
Post # 9
Well, I emailed her and after last night I’ve decided not to have her in the wedding at all. She’s not at all supportive, she has no faith in me and basically laughed in my face. This isn’t the first time I’ve questioned her support and last night completely confirmed my initial thoughts. Thanks for all your advice. I really appreciate it. 🙂
Post # 10
@missyjane77: Sorry it turned out this way. But surround yourself with your supportive friends on your big day, and enjoy her company if she’s there but don’t let her drag you down.
And the LSAT is a beast (and the law school is its mother beast!), but it doesn’t put life on hold. 7 engagements in my class within the last year, and we’ve got babies being born right and left (I think 6 within one year). You can do it if you set your mind to it, but it’s not fun or glamourous by any means, but I don’t think your sister knows that and was discouraging you for other reasons. Like I said, surround yourself with positive folks that are there for you (and honest with you but not destructive), and enjoy your wedding planning!
Post # 11
hey there. i just wanna say i completely understand what you’re going thru. i’m going thru the same exact thing with my twin sister so here’s a virtual hug. believe me, i feel ur pain. in fact, i put off asking my twin to be my moh for so long (even though deep down i knew i wanted her to be!) cuz i knew she’d use that as leverage against me the next time we’d get into a fight. (which of course, she did a million times). to be honest, she’s been threatening not to be my moh whenever she gets mad at me, ever since i’ve gotten engaged! so i was scared to think how much more i would hear that after i actually asked her. but hey, i asked her still, and she said yes. and yes, since then she’s threatened me a million times over that she won’t be my moh, that she won’t go to the wedding, that i can always call it off, that am i really ready not to ever date anyone ever again, that she doesn’t want me to be with my fiance, etc., etc.??! she’d play on all my insecurities and try and get me to back down. i haven’t. i’ve stayed strong. luckily, my fiance (who everyone loves, especially me!) is very understanding and supportive. i know it sucks but here is the deal: ur twin loves u and u love ur twin, this is the bottom line no matter what okay so please try and remember this. nobody understands u quite like ur twin. yet cuz our twins know us so well, they know exactly what buttons to push when they want to hurt us. ur twin is probably jealous of you. she is probably jealous of your fiance. and she is jealous of what u and ur fiance have. and the wedding and marriage thing might be triggering some kind of fear in her that either: a.)she needs to hurry up and get married too; or b.)you won’t be around her as much anymore.. and this fear upsets her.. and so she takes it out on you. but just because u might intellectually understand this now doesn’t mean it hurts any less! when u get married, u want ur twin to be by ur side and it’s something you’ve always dreamed of (i’m the same way!). have her by your side or u will regret it. that’s how i think at least. my twin is still my maid of honor and i know that she will be there on my wedding day so i try not to get caught up in her drama or take it to heart as much as i used to. yes, she’s put my fiance and i thru a whole bunch of drama (that i can’t even begin to get into now) but if i don’t have her as my moh, i know for a fact that will haunt me for the rest of my life. i would feel guilty and always wonder how it would’ve been. if she can’t fill those shoes, that’s on her. but i am extending the olive branch to her and giving her a chance. if anything, it’s just making me stronger ultimately, and i am trying to be the bigger person and take the high road. try not to take the bait for any of her drama. if i were u, i’d also read the book ‘stop walking on egg shells’ … it’s a book on borderline personality disorder. i think my twin sis has this (undiagnosed) and ur stories remind me so much of mine. this book really helped me (i read it in 2 days!) and i am a lot stronger now. u can buy the kindle version on amazon for $10 and it might really help you too. take care and enjoy your wedding.. YOUR time.. this is a special time in ur life and if ur twin doesn’t step up to the plate, that’s on her. and it might not be that she doesn’t want to, it might be that she isn’t ABLE TO right now, for whatever reason. anyway, promise me you’ll check out that book! take care 😉 <3 happy wedding planning!! it will get better, i promise! just concentrate on u and ur fiance and everything will fall into place. if she’s mean, be nice back, cuz that’s a reflection of u. and u will be proud of how u handled yourself! twins = best friends = soooooo close = drama & worst fights ever. but it’s all worth it, it is. “that which nourishes me also destroys me.” xo