(Closed) Twin Sister Getting Engaged at Same Time

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Tell your sister– “hey, are you two really getting engaged this spring? I kind of wanted a moment in the spotlight, do you think you could hold off til summertime?” Have her relay the info to her SO, and voila. 

Post # 5
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’d bring it up again.  You also might be able to see if you could get engaged earlier in the semester and perhaps she would right around graduation? 

Also, since you are well-off, have a stable life and jobs, your engagement is going to be the one that people celebrate.  You’re going to be able to afford to plan a wedding and build a life together, so I wouldn’t worry too much.  It sounds like she will have a long engagement and you can do things on your own time.

Post # 6
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@rolltideroll: You can’t ask your sister to not get engaged. However, you can get engaged sooner and have your engagement moment/shower. I don’t think your engagement is more important than hers nor is she trying to ruin your wedding/engagement/life as you stated. This all seems a bit strange but I don’t have a sister so I don’t understand sibling competition or why you would say such mean things about her. She is your sister. Why are you so angry and upset about something that has not even happened yet? 

Post # 7
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sadely, I think it’s going to happen whether you like it or not, and you don’t want to cause a potentially HUGE rift in your relationship with your sister.  Since neither of you are engaged yet, you could be getting angry a little too early.  I can understand wanting to have your own moment, and maybe she does too, but life happens when it happens and if she is happy enough and in love enough to get engaged, she has every right to do so whenever the moment happens, just like you do.  You also have the option of waiting a few months to announce your engagement, to let her have the limelight for a few months before it shifts to you.  If you’re unwilling to do this, you can’t ask your sister to do it for you.  Don’t make it a race, or you’ll ruin the magic of the proposal and engagement to begin with, for all 4 of you. 

I sincerely doubt her engagement has anything to do with yours, it’s not like she fell in love on purpose, LOL.  My 3 sisters in law were all engaged within the same year, and their weddings were also within a year of each other…none of them were out of shape about stealing the limelight or thunder or anything.  Honestly, you getting engaged is a HUGE deal to you, and while people are going to be thrilled to pieces for you, it isn’t as monumentous to them.  Deep breaths Smile

Post # 8
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bookworm88:   I don’t think anyone is going to celebrate one engagement over another based on how much more ‘well off’ one sister is over the other, if they’re both equally happy. 

Post # 9
Member
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

since you are that at the exact same age, it was more than likely that you will share just about all your major milestones.  The fact that her bf has not graduated and not as financially positioned to buy a big ol’ ring has nothing to do with making the next step.  Many people get engaged on graduate income if its the right time for them.. A big fancy expensive ring is not a requirement. I’d be more worried about the actual wedding if you have a lot of out of town family because whether the engagement happens by may or a few months later, I can picture the two of you wanting a wedding the following prime season.  I’m also a firm believer that there’s no thunder to be stolen.  People can be happy for you both at the same time, and at the end of the day, your engagement and wedding will not matter as much to anyone but you and you SO even if it was the only one at the time. Just focus on your own happiness.

Post # 10
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why can’t you move up your engagement? It isn’t fair to expect someone to rearrange their life around you. She isn’t the one with the problem of getting engaged near to each other, you are, so you should be the one changing your plans since it’s bothering you so much. Sorry if that’s harsh.

Post # 11
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

With all due respect, I personally don’t see the big deal. Your sister getting engaged has no reflection on you and it shouldn’t put a damper on the happiness that you and your fiance are engaged. 

Post # 12
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

First what maybe right and perfect timing for YOU doesn’t mean it’s perfect and right for EVERYONE. People get engaged all the time in various stages of life; what makes you think you can dictate when the right time for someone else is? My sister got engaged less than a month after me; was I upset? No. I didn’t need a couple months for the “spotlight” bc honestly the spotlight on an engagement wears off quick and people move on with their lives. I’d say be happy and enjoy this time with your sister; it’s not a competition and you’re family; that’s more important.

Post # 13
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a twin sister as well and we are currently engaged at the same time. I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years and she with her fiance for 2 years. They were engaged first and I was a little bothered. 

I think its best to think about the positives. I was very happy that she found someone that she wanted to spend her life with and that made her happy. Its not worth being upset about the timing of things because we can’t control that. 

Another positive thing is that you will get to plan weddings together. Its always nice to be able to speak to friends and loved ones about the stresses of planning a wedding especially when they are going through it at the same time. 

It is also easy for my sister and I because although we are twins we have very different wedding styles. 

Everything will work out. Be happy for each other and enjoy your engagements!

Post # 14
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Unfortunately, right as you both graduate and move into another phase of your life is a logical time for you both to get engaged. Just remember that your engagement is yours and no one else’s takes away from it! I can understand your frustration though. 

Post # 16
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@rolltideroll: I didn’t read the replies, but your engagement is special to everyone around you and I’m sure your sister is thrilled for you.  Maybe she’s caught up in the engagement excitement and wants that for herself too.  I can see why it may be frustrating for you to have to share in the excitement, but I can’t imagine why her engagement will take anything away from yours.  I would try to not pass judgment on her relationship or what you think she should do (ie wait, be more financially stable, etc).  Also, I do not think it’s appropriate to tell her to put off her engagement for you (although yes, it would have been nice if she did).  I know it may be easier said than done, but try to happy for her and enjoy the engagement phase.  It’s a wonderful time and worth enjoying without bringing in unnecessary tension or competition.  I always think a sister is a blessing, even if we may not feel like it sometimes, lol.  Good luck and early Congrats!

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