- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Hi Bees. I am in the midst of a sticky situationthat I have seen on here before – my twin got engaged two months after I did, and three weeks later they have set a date and placed a hold on a place without telling my family.. a month after the date we were about to book in 2013. His engagement kind of came out of nowhere, and I was initially hurt about that fact, but I have since gotten over it and am really excited for him!
Last my mom had heard, they were planning on 2014, so she is understandably freaking out. While I personally think that I’d be justified to be a little bit upset about the closeness of these two events and lack of communication on his part, I’ve chosen to just take let it go. There’s nothing I can say to improve the situation, and pretty much any little comment could make it worse. I’m glad that he’s happy and I just have to banish my inner toddler and enjoy this time.
I plan to move my wedding from September 2013 to June 2013, and that is not a big problem – no money was involved yet.
And yet, money remains the big issue… my parents are completely freaking out about having to contribute to two events in such a short time period. My budget is/was about a third of theirs, and my parents insist on paying for our event to the extent that they can, though I have told them many times that they don’t have to. With respect to my brother’s wedding, I know my parents aren’t obligated to pay for an event they have no say in, but my dad is traditional and wants to pay for at least my brother’s rehearsal. My dad already feels bad that he can’t spend more, which really upsets me because my parents are older and more than anything I just want him to be able to retire soon. I fear that this will only add more money stress – my dad is really really tense and my mom is probably worse. My finance and I could move our plans, but we’ve been dating for 6 and a half years, and just really want to be married.
I am also really worried that this is going to become a competition. Their venue is gorgeous, they are having more people, “better” food etc. I really don’t care about all of that, but I can’t help but fear that our family will notice the contrast and make my parents feel bad. My dad’s family in particular is incredibly snobby like that. Sadly, not inviting them is not an option.
Part of me wants to just completely change our plans and do something untraditional, but I feel like I would always regret it. Plus, my parents really want this for our family. I am in a job where I am seriously underpaid right now and am looking for better work anyway – ideally I would get a better job and be able to just pay for this, but I can’t bank on that…
I’m not sure what I am really trying to get out of this – sorry for the rant. I just feel like there is no one I can talk to without causing more drama, I can’t bother my bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor with this right now because they are going through a lot in their own lives, and my poor fiance is just trying to hang on for dear life. Anyone have any wise words?