Post # 1
As I posted a few days ago I found out that i was having twins I was only 8 weeks. I was having a very hard time figuring out what to do. Well Fi and I talked about this pretty much NON STOP and desided we wanted to keep the babys on the 1st.
Sadly that was not in the plans for us. I woke up Friday with some light bleeding and cramping obviously scared went to the hospital. I am doing ok and I am home But knowing that those two babies are no longer inside of me just kills me.
I know that its not my fault but I keep thinking that maybe it was because I didnt know if I wanted them or because a few days before I found out I was pregnant I went out (for my birthday) and drank way too much.
I am having a really hard time right now and i dont know what to do. At the hospital the doctors were telling me that it wasnt my fault and this just happens sometimes. I know it sounds selfish but I cant help but thinking why me?
How do I get threw the day when all I want to do is lay in bed and cry?
Post # 3
This is not your fault. I know it’s hard but you can make it through this. I knew a woman who had stillborn twins and she went on to have a beautiful baby boy! Just give yourself time to heal and then try again when you are ready.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how you feel! You are in my thoughts and best wishes in getting through this! ((HUGS))
Post # 5
I’m so sorry for your loss!. Its okay to cry! Definately consider counseling, there seems to be a lot going on in regards to you and the idea of pregnancy.
We have some awesome Bees on here who have lost little ones and they can be a great resource.
Hang in there, time is a healer!
Post # 6
My SIL had a miscariage last October and got really depressed but they didn;t tell anyone about it until months later. They weren’t planning on trying for another few months and weren’t sure if they were ready for another one yet. She said that, “it’s what God wanted. He knew it would make us stronger and it has. We now know that no matter what happens, next time we get pregnant we will want and love the baby jo matter what happens.”
This in no way is your fault. Things happen. Give yourself a chance to mourn your loss but then pick yourself up and know that it happened for reasons beyond your control. Next time I’m sure everything will be fine.
Post # 7
Intellectually, I know you know that your thoughts didn’t bring about your m/c. My heart goes out to you for the pain you are going to go through. While it wasn’t good timing, you and your Fiance would have loved those babies, and you will still love them even though they can’t be in your arms. Plant a tree (or two) in their honor so you have a physical reminder of their place in your lives, however brief. It was a helpful way for me to create/nurture something physical after my m/c. Take a few days, let the housework slide, see if a relative or friend can take the kids for a night or two, and hold your Fiance. Then, it’s a matter of getting through the day and loving your family with all you have to give. Also, work with your OB going forward about reliable longer term birth control, like an IUD. ((Hugs))
Post # 8
Thank you all for your comments. I like the idea of planting trees and I know I will need to talk to someone about it. I also know that It is going to take me a little while before I am able to tell my friends and family. I cant even get threw writing this post without crying my eyes out.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry for your loss. You did nothing wrong. Give yourself whatever time and space you need to get through this. I hope you and hubby can lean on each other to get through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Post # 10
@MsTwins: As someone who has gone through a loss. I really do understand exactly where you are. It’s tough and even though it seems as though you will never get through the devistation, I promise it does eventually get easier. Your questioning didnt cause this and more than likely niether did the drinking. Miscarriages happen for good reasons. Usually because the babies would have some type of damage that would not allow them to grow and live outside of the womb.
I know that almost everyone who has a miscarriage thinks why me? It’s normal. If you need to talk you can PM me anytime during this process. Big hugs.
Post # 11
I am so sorry to hear this! Sometimes struggling with the emotional part of the pregnancy can make the loss even more poignant. (At least that what my mother in law keeps telling me).
Be sure to let yourself grieve. And there are lots of us that have been through a loss and will e-mail with you frequently if it helps. Take care of yourself.
You’re in my thoughts.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry to hear this 🙁 I’ve also recently gone through this so I know how devastated you must be.
I know that it was hard for me to talk about it/tell people about it at the beginning too so that’s completely normal! It did get easier to talk about for me though…now I’m at the stage where I’m more comfortable with people who I interact with regularly knowing about it because it was obviously a huge event in my life.
Many bees have offered it before but we truly mean it when we say if you feel like you need to talk to someone who understands feel free to PM!
Post # 13
@MsTwins: So soory you’ve gone through this and you’re feeling guilty, but remember what the doctors said – it wasn’t your fault.
@Running Elley: Sorry to hear this, I had no idea.
Post # 15
@Running Elley:She’s right, please PM any of us if you need to talk/vent/ cry/ share with someone who’s been through a similar loss.
I am so sorry. It’s not your fault, but you will keep crying. Let yourself. It cried at least daily for about 2 weeks. Then I cried *almost* daily after that. And you know what, it didn’t make people think I was weak, it didn’t affect my friendships, and it helped me cope with the loss.
So, please, let yourself cry. Let your husband cry (if he can).
I am sorry for your loss.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry for your loss. Know that it was in no way your fault, and it is most definitely not a punishment for your uncertainty! The way you’re feeling now is a completely normal response to such a loss. Sending huge hugs your way.