Two auto accidents in the last two months. FI is irate…

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
6336 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Deep breaths. He is in shock and emotional, give him some time to calm down, bee. He’s also probably really concerned you’ve had two serious accidents that could have harmed you in such a short time. I know my DH would be angry but most of that anger would come out of fear of what *might* have happened.

Post # 3
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

smalltownbigworld :  First off, I’m glad you’re ok. Secondly, let him be mad. Accidents happen, but it’s still stressful and frustrating.

My husband totaled ‘my’ car a month before our wedding. Everyone involved was ok, but I was incredibly frustrated with him because that car was almost paid off and it was his fault for being careless!

Let your FI cool down and together hopefully you two can figure out what to do for another car.

Post # 4
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

smalltownbigworld :  It’s understandable that he’s upset, but I find it a bit unsettling that he didn’t even bother to ask if you were ok…a loved one’s health/safety would be my first priority.  Accidents happen, and this is why you have insurance.  I’m glad you’re ok; try not to worry too much about it until/if insurance deems the car a total loss – take one step at a time.

Post # 5
1627 posts
Bumble bee

Wow I hope you ARE ok!

Not gonna lie, I’d be pretty pissed too. However, like pp said, he’s probably just in shock. Im also confused about what happened – it sounds like you ran a red light and got t-boned? Its all well and good to say ‘oh well we have full insurance’, but your rates are going to sky rocket and they take a long time to come back down. Now you’ll have a loan to pay, and high car insurance. I hope he comes around and makes sure youre okay though.

Post # 6
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I would have asked about how you were (and genuinely been upset and scared about your health and safety) but at the same time, I’d be completely pissed at you. There is no situation where I would ignore a red light unless it was a life or death situation to get someone to a hospital. I don’t mind sharing my assets with my future spouse at all, but their complete irresponsibility would seriously grate on me, especially if their safety (and the safety of others) was also involved.

Post # 9
4783 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

smalltownbigworld :  First, good news that no one was injured in the accidents.  Second, would it help your insurance, and your FI’s nerves if you offered to take a defensive driving course?  

Post # 10
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

weddingventing :  I could be wrong, but to me it sounds like she was saying the light was red (meaning that there was not opposing traffic coming, not that she ran it) so rather than blocking her to just sit at the red light, someone was nice enough to give her the room to pull through but someone else flew by in the 2nd lane and hit her (I commute in LA so I see this situation allll the time and many near accidents).

Post # 11
14067 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

He’s probably just more shocked an annoyed at the situation than anything.  But it sounds like from your description that you were not the one at completely fault…. but there’s a thing called defensive driving too where you are hyper aware of the cars around you and the stupid shit that *they* can do, not just if you’re doing the “right” thing.  Crossing multiple lanes is always tricky, you can never assume the guy behind the guy letting you go isn’t going to do exactly what that guy did, or that the other lanes are clear just cause one guy let you go.  It’s your job to make sure every single lane is clear before you proceed.  I’m sorry, but I think you’re the one at fault on this one.  It’s possible that the guy behind him didn’t even know he was slowing for a car and just trying to get around him.  If he were driving more defensively too, he would have seen you and maybe stopped in time also.   The light being red at that intersection is irrelavant.. you wern’t in the intersection, the cars going down taht road still had the right of way.  It’s an crappy lesson for all, but not the end of the world. 

Post # 12
6696 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

smalltownbigworld :  How scary and upsetting! Getting a car is a big deal, especially when you’re young and it’s so new. Like PPs said, he’s probably in shock and having a hard time processing right now. I would give him a few days to cool down. It’s understandable that he’s upset, but he should still be respectful and after a few days he should be ready to talk like adults about how to proceed. You’re still a team — does he relate to sports? If so, I’d put it to him that way. When the QB gets sacked, even if it’s mostly his own fault, the rest of the team might get pissed for a minute but then they shake it off, get back in position and back to winning as a team.

Post # 13
5316 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wait hold on, you ran a red light for…what reason? This scenario just doesn’t make any sense to me. Why would someone wave you in front of them when you’re stuck at a red light? 

Yes, I’d be pissed too, but I also would’ve asked if you’re okay. 

ETA: You were posting the picture while I was posting my response. I understand now what happened. This kind of thing actually happened to me when I was young (like 17 or 18 I want to say). Someone waved me forward and I didn’t see the car behind that car speed around them and we collided. It sucked and was technically my fault. Since then I’ve been very careful about that kind of thing. 

Post # 14
5136 posts
Bee Keeper

smalltownbigworld :  wow bee. I’m glad you are OK.  To be honest I would be really upset if my SO acted like this. I know it would be annoying because you just got the car but hopefully when he calms down and gets over the shock he will realise that you are safe and well and that’s all that really matters.  

Post # 15
998 posts
Busy bee

smalltownbigworld :  it still sounds like you were wrong, just because one lane waved you on doesn’t mean you don’t have to wait until the rest are clear, it’s your responsibility to check.

Im sure him not asking if you were okay was intentional, but imo he’s allowed to be annoyed at you. Two huge accidents in a month is a lot and I wouldn’t want to share a car with you either.

i think the main thing that stands out to me, any probably your SO too, is the lack of ownership.

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