Post # 1
Long story, but I am having TWO bachelorettes. My little brother wants to help organize a trip to Vegas because he did the promotional content for magic Mike and can get us some special perks and stuff. SO EXCITED!
However, one of my MOHs has a baby so she will not be able to come and would like to plan something special here. Actually, A LOT of my friends have babies so they may be able to only able to come to the local one. Also SO EXCITED!
They would also like to plan a wedding shower for me.
I’m just wondering about invites. If I invite people to all three, that’s a lot of their time and money and I don’t want my friends to feel obligated or overwhelmed with wedding events when they are all busy with their own lives. I was kind of thinking of just inviting my mom, my mom’s friend and my aunt to the shower and I think that will be easier on my two MOH’s and less expensive. Would this be easier on them? I’m slightly worried though that some of my closer friends may feel bad if they aren’t invited to the shower.
Do I just ask my friends to invite people and say , “don’t feel obligated to come to all three events but I’d love it so much if you came to one?” Is this unnecessarily complicated?
Post # 2
have one bachelorette. make the trip to vegas just a fun trip to vegas for whomever would like to come. don’t make it a bachelorette.
Post # 3
I second ttw16 :
the Vegas trip sounds fun but expensive, so propose it as a trip but don’t make it a bachelorette or else people might feel too pressured to go. One bachelorette plus a shower is already plenty of pre-wedding festivities!
Post # 4
As soon as you call it a bachelorette party, people feel obligated to come. Go thru this forum and see allllll the complaints about excessively expensive bachelorette parties. Skip the trip to Vegas or make that a regular vacation where the pressure on others to attend is lower. Have your local bachelorette and local shower. That will seem a lot less manageable for the guests.
Post # 5
Thank you! Buut… I think my brother would like it to be a bachelorette (I think there are special things that go along with this, like Cosmo wants to do a story on it or something plus to be honest magic mike sounds like more fun AS a bachelorette), and my Maid/Matron of Honor wants to plan this trip as a bachelorette as well. I have two MOH’s and so I think they both kind of have already decided to each plan their own thing.
Post # 6
Hmmmm… but I totally see your point! Maybe I’ll send out a message to make it really clear to please just come to one. I think where I live we are pretty blunt and say what we want. A few people have made it very clear they can’t come to Vegas and that is 100% undertsnadable and fine with me!
Post # 7
Edited to reflect your most recent update: yes, I think it’s a good idea to make it very clear that you are only asking them to come to one. I also wouldn’t expect too many people to jump on the Vegas bandwagon.
Post # 8
i like the idea of doing one invite or at least inviting everyone to all 3 but asking them to choose which they want to attend.
Post # 9
Totally! I have maybe 2 friends who are SUPER excited about Magic Mike. If it’s just the four of us I’m super happy. I would never want anyone to feel obligated. I’m going to make sure it’s very, very, very clear about the bachelorettes and maybe just shut down the shower to my MOH’s, aunt, mom and FI’s mom.
Post # 10
Won’t the shower be a bit weird with just 3 older women and your MOH? Maybe just skip the shower.
Post # 11
I had a friend do a Vegas trip and a local party and it was a total non-issue. Her sister organized Vegas and made it clear that they were going to celebrate and would love to have anyone who was able to join them – she did not however ask anyone to share in the bride’s expenses or anything else so while it was “a bachelorette”, it was really more a fun girls weekend for anyone able to make it.
The Maid/Matron of Honor then organized a really laid back in-town bachelorette – pedicures, dinner and dancing – with people coming to whatever part they wanted to (for example, the non-partiers just joined for pedicures etc).
I think the key to all of this being okay was that no one felt obligated in anyway – no one was expected or asked to pay for things (though of course, people bought drinks etc) and those hosting looked after the brides expenses. This way the guests really felt like they were being invited to celebrate with the bride, rather than just chip in for her good time.
Post # 12
Traditionally, inviting people to more than one pre-wedding event, especially of the expensive or gift giving variety, is considered an imposition. When one is an expensive destination trip you are already there.
Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a very gracious way of inviting people and turning around to tell them they don’t need to attend. The prerogative is always with the guest.
Once you label something as wedding related, people will feel pressure to attend no matter what you say.