Post # 1
I had planned to have my girls wear short dresses. I personally prefer to wear a cocktail dress vs. a gown when I am dancing the night away, and figured many of my friends would feel the same way, and it certainly helps that shorter dresses tend to cost less. But I keep coming across photos of bridesmaids in gowns, and I just can’t get over how stunning it looks!
It creates really glamorous photos, it means that tall girls (like myself and several of my BMs) can get away with flats, without feeling under-dressed, and – as we hope to have a black tie optional reception – it is an apropriate choice.
So I really can’t decide. I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor what she thought, and she said she would be happy to wear whatever I would prefer, but personally likes short dresses…
So I had a thought… what about asking my BMs to pick a gown (regardless of length, I plan to ask the girls to pick their own specific style, having everyone in the same dress is not important to me) to wear to the ceremony and reception, then when we re-locate to the after party (future hubs and I are hosting late night snacks, drinks, and dancing, at the hotel where we plan to stay) and I change into my short dress, inviting my BMs to change into a LBD of their choice?
I think it is great because they can wear a long beutiful gown for the ceremony and photos, and live band, then wear something short for drinking and DJ dancing… but I worry this might make some of the girls feel like they have to buy two dresses. So I wanted to get bees thoughts??
Post # 2
The first thing I thought was ‘I think it’s silly when a bride gets two dresses for the ceremony and reception. Now you’re asking your BMs to do it?!’
However, after reading the whole post I think that it sounds fine. I wouldn’t tell them that they have to purchase a new dress though. Just say that they can change into any cocktail attire dress that they feel comfortable in if they want. If they want to stay in their Bridesmaid or Best Man gown, they can. The after party is a LOT less formal, everyone has been drinking, they’re focusing on having a good time. So I would go forward with getting them long gowns. Hell, I remember wearing jeans to a couple of afterparties! At that point, no one is thinking about what anyone else is wearing.
Post # 3
do not do this to your wedding party. There are some women who have bodies that are tricky to flatter in short/knee-length dresses and thus actually don’t
own a LBD. (I am one–the size of my bust and my waist length are such that long dresses are way more flattering and I do not own a single, solitary LBD-type dress; I wear dressy separates when others would wear cocktail-length dresses.) Your bridesmaids might feel that their LBDs are too old/revealing/whatever for a wedding and feel obligated to buy a new one. There are so many ways in which this could place an additional financial burden on your wedding party.
ETA: Reading fail on my part–for some reason I thought you wanted them to change dresses for the reception, not an after party. In that case, I agree with all the posters who say that you have no grounds to tell them what to wear (or can’t wear or whatever) to the after party.
Post # 4
I would be pissed off as a bm if I was asked to PAY for two dresses. If you are the one paying then I don’t care. It’s e pensive enough to be a bm without adding another dress that I will never wear again (no I won’t. Seriously. Stop thinking I will).
Post # 5
I (sort of) agree with the first poster – if you do decide to give them the option of a shorter dress, let them wear whatever they already own that’s decent enough.
As a person who owns very few dresses and none at all in black or cocktail length, I would not appreciate the request to change and would probably just stay in the gown I’d already bought. As it happens, I wore a satin gown for my best friend’s wedding and had no difficulty at all dancing in it. they don’t weigh nearly as much as a wedding gown does! Really I wouldn’t want to be bothered with changing unless the first dress was really uncomfortable.
Post # 6
Theoretically, couldn’t they just change into whatever they want to wear for the after party? Or are requiring them to be dressed up for it? If it’s a requirement you should pay for their second dress or pick one dress they can wear for the whole thing.
Post # 7
I don’t understand why you’d tell them to change into a LBD for the after party? That’s really strange to me. I think it’s pretty well understood that people (wedding party included) can change into whatever they want for an after party. you want to dictate what they wear to a HOTEL AFTER PARTY?? Once the ceremony and reception are over you have no say in what the bridal party does. I would just let them know they are welcome to change out of their gowns for the after party. But don’t tell them it has to be an LBD and tell them they are also welcome to still wear their gowns if they choose.
Post # 8
Your BMs can figure out whether or not they want to change for the after party. You shouldn’t be dictating anything, let alone that they all change into a black dress.
Post # 9
I sort of thought this was the case, but I wasn’t sure. At the afterparties I’ve been to, I’ve worn jeans and so has the bride! It’s way more about a party then a wedding at that point.
I understand that you want to make sure your BMs are comfortable, but in that case you should just remind them that they can wear whatever they want to the afterparty. If they want to change, they can! If no, that’s fine too
Post # 10
If I could wear one of my own short dresses I already own for the reception than sure.if you want me to buy two dresses the answer would be no.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I don’t think this is a good idea, I wouldn’t be on board if I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 12
for lack of a better word ‘let’ them change into whatever they want. Mine ditched their heels and one ditched her dress after the formal photos. happy comfy Bridesmaid or Best Man was way more important to me than a ‘look’.
please don’t make them have to buy another dress. I don’t own a LBD or any cocktail attire other than a couple of summer dresses for day weddings. I’d be annoyed if this ‘freedom’ meant buying a dress I’ll not wear again.
Post # 13
I kind of thought that once the ceremony and formal photos were over your BMs had done their duty and could change into whatever they wanted. Why do you care what they’re wearing at that point? For that matter I don’t think you can require your BMs to attend an after-party much less wear a specific color.
Also I’m in the don’t-own-a-LBD camp because I look like shit in black.
Post # 14
I think you should ask your BM’s what they would be most comfortable with privately.
Post # 15
I would tell your BMs they are welcome to change for the afterparty and not specify WHAT they should change in to.