Two ceremonies: How would you handle this?

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
6322 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Whichever ceremony is “legal” depends on when you sign the paperwork, so the earlier ceremony would not necessarily have to be the legal one; it all depends on what you want. You could very easily make the earlier one “for show” by not signing any legal paperwork, and then you wouldn’t need to worry about what other people thought or what your legal marriage date would be.

Post # 3
1198 posts
Bumble bee

I had 3 weddings. I can’t imagine why anyone would feel offended by this. Enjoy your weddings!

Edited to add: We didn’t do this simply because we are “extra” lol. We had ceremonies in our home countries (DH and I are from different countries) because we had family that would not be able to travel, and one ceremony in country we actually live, where most of our friends are. But again, I can’t imagine why this would be offensive to anyone, whatever your reasoning for having multiple ceremonies.

Post # 4
3985 posts
Honey bee

zebra10 :  I’ve seen many threads like this where the bride gets panned for having 2 ceremonies and being told “but you only have one wedding day”. I have never ever known of a wedding guest no longer talking to the couple because they found out they had a previous ceremony. Honestly, just do it. Only you know what works best for you and not your wedding guests nor strangers in the internet.

Post # 5
365 posts
Helper bee

zebra10 :  we’re doing something similar, but not getting married legally/civilly until the second ceremony at our big wedding. The first one is only religious (his family’s religion, not mine) and family and at home. Nobody i know so far thinks anything is wrong w it, but I got some thoughts here –

you could always choose to wait to get legally married til the 2nd ceremony. And, you could do the ceremonies at the same time or within a day or two of each other.

Post # 6
2513 posts
Sugar bee

Such nonsense. You have as many weddings as you need to deal with your personal circumstances. 

Strictly your business.

Blessings and Joy however you decide!

Post # 7
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Which one are you treating as your actual wedding? (So, which date will you use for your anniversary, etc.?) If it’s the second I wouldn’t wear my wedding band until then.

It also sounds to me like your two ceremonies are fairly close together, or as close enough as your schedules permit. Normally I’m against it when there’s a legal marriage months before the actual celebration (with exceptions for circumstances like immigration or military issues) but I’d be fine with this. I’m assuming there’s no way to get around signing the legal papers at the first religious ceremony (I know if it’s Catholic it’s required). 

Post # 9
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Parklands, Quendon Hall

We are doing something similar. We found out that we can’t have a religious ceremony at our venue so on ‘the big day’ we will be having a civil ceremony and registry (legally binding), and then a week later a church ‘conversion’ ceremony. We decided to do the church one afterwards rather than before as we wanted the first one (with the photographer etc etc) to be the real one if that makes sense. It’s all about what’s right for you two!

Post # 10
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We’ve been struggling with the 2 ceremonies as well. My Fiance and I aren’t all that religious, but our families are very very traditional Roman Catholic. It broke their hearts and caused a lot of tears/tension when they found out we were planning an outdoor at our venue. We went back and forth between doing a small, family-only church ceremony afterwards, but it was a hassle when it came to timing and we didn’t want to get our families all dressed up again a week or 2 after our outdoor ceremony and reception with all our guests. We finally decided on a church ceremony the morning of our civil wedding. In NJ, if a civil and religious ceremony are performed on the same day, you only need 1 marriage license and they just make 2 copies of it (A&B). This will work out the best for our situation, so don’t you worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Do what you have to do to stay sane! Good luck!

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