Post # 1
<font face=”Helv” size=”2″><font face=”Helv” size=”2″><p dir=”ltr”>When the wedding planning began, I asked both my father and my stepdad to walk me down the aisle together. A few months later, I was discussing with my stepmom whether to include the "Who gives this woman" question, and she informed me that, since I asked, she had some thoughts on the matter. Two days after that, I received a two-page, single-spaced typed letter detailing the reasons why my father (and my father alone) should escort me down the aisle. Stepmom also said that I should put my father’s wishes above all else in this matter, even above my own wish to include everyone equally.
I want to include both dads, but don’t know how to break this (again!) to my father. Advice, please!
Post # 3
I’m sorry for your tough situation. My best advice is to be honest, but also be gentle. Remember that just as you have been looking forward to your wedding day, your parents have looked forward to it as well. They have their own dreams and expectations.
If this is something that is a deal breaker with your father, try to see things from his point of view and really examine your options. It may not be worth it to lose his participation completely.
Finally, talk to your stepfather as well and consider alternate options for him such as reading during the ceremony.
Post # 4
I am in the same boat you are in, but i am not extremely close with my father. But, this is how I am handling my situation. I am having both of my father’s walk me down the aisle. My step father will lift the veil and my father will give me away, but instead of saying her mother and i he will say her family and i.
the best way to explain this is to simply tell your father that you love him and that no one can replace him, but that you step father is also an important part of your life. Its hard to have to have 2 seperate families and trying to not hurt any feelings in all of this. I hope that everything works out for you.
Post # 5
I also have two dads, and I’m lucky that they can both participate together. But I have heard about step dad starting the walk, and then half way up the aisle, meeting dad. Step dad leaves you with dad and dad leads you up the aisle and does the giving. I have 4 very involved parents, and I’m sure it will be a chorus when they all give me away. I hope this helps!
Post # 6
First let’s say how blessed you are to have two great men who care so much about you in your life!!
Second – what do YOU want? Do you feel like you want both or just one or the other? Can you do the half way down with one and the other half with the other?
Then, once you know what YOU want to make your day perfection, sit down with both of them – tell them what you would like – and let them know that they don’t have to answer you at that moment, but take their time to make sure they are ok with it. Let them both know that you would love to have any input from them regarding how they feel and then see if they come up with anything other then what you had decided, or if their ideas can be worked in to the day?
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm
This one is tough! What if both father’s walked you down the aisle, then at the end of the aisle your stepfather could hug you or whatever, and then your father could answer the "who gives this woman" and then be seated. I know it sounds strange at first, but it could be a nice compromise if he really wants to be the only one giving you away. I think having your stepfather do a reading, or maybe the blessing at dinner would be a nice gesture if he doesn’t get to answer the "who..".
Post # 8
Thanks for all the kind words, guys. I really want both of them to walk with me. I love them both, and I cannot imagine the walk without either of them.
I like the idea of having my father answer the "who gives this woman" question as "her family does." My stepdad will be serving communion in the ceremony, so he will have an extra special part too.
Post # 9
If you love them both it is ridiculous not to include them both!! Have them BOTH walk you down the aisle, and let them both lift one side of the veil, then when your officiant asks "who gives this woman…" have them BOTH answer TOGETHER: "We do." You are loved, it’s your day!
Post # 10
If you want both of them to walk you then definitely go with that.