(Closed) Two dads, one bride. Help!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Would you want them both to walk you down? I have seen it done before to resolve a situation like this. Otherwise, I would say your biological dad, if you’re not close to Frank.

Post # 4
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I would say if you are close to your Mom then have her walk you down the aisle!

 

Post # 5
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am having my biological father walk me down the aisle and doing my father-daughter dance with my stepfather.

Post # 7
Member
8360 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You could always not have anyone walk you down the aisle or have someone other than a father-figure like your mum.

Post # 8
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Could you possibly have both of them walk you down the aisle or like RahlyRah have one walk you down and dance with the other? You also might also have a short convo with both of them and ask them how important it is to them and maybe you’ll have a better understanding. I’ve had a friend get married and she was in a similar situation and her step dad was ok with just kickin back and watching from the sidelines so to speak.

Post # 9
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I did have a guy friend whose dad was his best man – so your option do have one of them be a groomsman is possible, but I felt that it was a tiny bit awkward. Otherwise, the PP have made some good suggestions, and a missing piece of the story for me is how your dad and stepdad get along – would they be willing to “share” the honor of walking you down the aisle? 

The other issue could be the father daughter dance if you’re having one. A bride I know in a similar situation did two father daughter dances. 

Post # 10
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You could walk on you own.  Or go with your mum.

But if I were to choose between your dads I’d say your biological father (even though he made some bad choices, you get along now and he is blood)

Post # 11
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ive seen where one dad walks the bride halfway down and the other dads walks her the other half, maybe do that?

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would say since you now have a relationship with bio dad and say you can tell him your problems it should be him. Having said that who do you want beside you on your day? That should be who you pick, it shouldn’t be who SHOULD walk you down the aisle

Post # 13
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think that if you’re equally close to Bio and Step, then Bio trumps Step and he should walk you. But I also like the idea of Half and Half like lovelymayday  suggested.

Post # 14
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow. That’s interesting.

 

I think you don’t know what happened in the past. You know what you were told, but you don’t know what really happened, so you need to forget the past. If your real dad happened to have told you what he did, your sister and mother cooberated it, then okay, maybe you have some idea, but still forget it. From what it seems, your mom possibily cheated on him, he was severely hurt, and he lost his common sense for a while. You don’t know how much of a role your mom played in your father not coming around either. Children often do not know the interworkings of what goes on with adults.

So my advice is to forget the past. Let the past go. Live in the the present. Go by what you know now. If we went by what your fiance was doing 5 years ago, you might not want to marry him. But he’s ready for marriage right now, today. That’s what you focus on. In the same token, focus on what your father is TODAY. If your mom speaks ill of your father, know that she has her own history and pain with him. Do not let that reflect on your situation with him.

I would ask your father how he feels about your wedding day. Ask him how he imagines his role if he were there. Ask him if he has given any thought to your wedding. If he says yes, then ask him what those thoughts are. See where his head is at. Ask your stepfather the same questions. Hopefully, with your stepfather, your mother hasn’t already talked about it, so he’ll have untainted images to give you.

Now, once you know exactly what each man THINKS he’ll be doing on your wedding day, you’ll have more insight to make a better choice. Maybe your stepfather doesn’t even expect to be asked to walk. In talking with each man, ask leading questions if they don’t say enough to you in response.

Once your make your determinations, explain to each man what they mean to you. Tell them there are specific roles a father plays in a wedding, and you are fortunate enough to have two fathers who care for you tremendously. Tell them that means you will split up the fatherly duties between them.  Father A walks you down. Fathers A&B will tell the minister that they give you away. Father B will have the first father daughter dance. Something like that.

 

But I think the most important thing is to determine what each man expects, live your true relationships with those men based on the present, and let the men help you shape what their roles will be rather than worrying about how they will feel if you chose one over the other for something.

 

Post # 15
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

you could walk by yourself? Im tossing up the idea of either walking myself or having my flowergirl (neice) give me away. As realy a flowergirl throws petals and im not having flowers at my wedding so petals would be out of place

Post # 16
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Bridgewater Place

My family is all crazy messed up too. Bio-dad, mom’s first husband “dad” mom’s second husband “step dad” who has been the only real father to me in my whole life.

By mom is the only who has always been there and I couldn’t imagine anyone but her walking me down the aisle 🙂

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