(Closed) Two family weddings in one summer

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Have the wedding when you and your fiance want it.  I don’t understand why you feel the need to have her “blessing”??  

Post # 3
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ashtonia:  I would thank her for her opinion, and move along with YOUR planning.  Brides-to-be get ONE day, not an entire month.  Your families can share in the love and the celebration of both of your wedding days/weekend, I promise!!  

My two very close cousins, and myself got engaged within 1 month of one another last summer, and are having our weddings within 5 months of one another this year.  I had mine in early May, the next in mid-June, and the last one in October.  We all had ours when we each wanted, and would have celebrated each if they were weeks apart even!

It has actually made us closer, for many reasons.  We have done many dinners together, talkign plans, and venting.  My one cousin even asked to borrow my card box, etc for her wedding, of which I absolutely had no problem passing along.  As it ends up, we are each doing things very differently too.

We love one another, and support one another, and the extended family has been nothing but supportive too.  That is how it is supposed to be…in a perfect world.  She is being ridiculous.

Post # 4
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

She gets a day, not a month, season, or a year.  A month between family weddings is a reasonable amount of time.  Are there a lot of out of town guests she is worried won’t make the trip twice?  Even so, if you want a summer wedding you don’t have to wait an extra year to accomodate her unreasonable demands.

Post # 5
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Just go on with it. My FI’s brother is getting married in June, we are getting married in August, and MY brother is getting married in November. I think if you can give a 4 week gap that’s always a nice thing to do, but otherwise, roll forth. She doesn’t get to dictate when other people get married. If you think she’s going to be a pouty polly about it, go for August, then she won’t have nutter breakdowns about your wedding thunder coming before yours.


Post # 7
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You are being more than fair by doing it in a different month; I would try explaining it again exactly as you have here – that you don’t want to wait 28 months to get married. And she will just have to understand. Or, if it’s more comfortable, have your brother talk to his sibling directly.

Post # 8
102 posts
Blushing bee

I think your fiance should explain to her that you both as a couple are not comfortable waiting two and a half years to get married and that you have taken her wedding into consideration as far as planning your date a month away from hers. I would also have him explain that you, in no way, intend to “steal” the spotlight or guests. Especially since, as you mentioned, if the family had to choose, it would likely be her wedding because of distance.

I think having your finace talk to her will make it seem like less of a threat to her because he is her brother. Sometimes women can act defensive if they think another woman is encroaching on their “space”, in this case her wedding.

All in all, i definitely think you should stick to the date you are comfortable with. If i were in your situation, i would probably choose the later date so that she doesn’t think you are trying to beat her to the altar. Also something to consider is that many of your prewedding events may have to be scheduled with hers in mind so as not to further offend her (even though she shouldn’t be offended to begin with)!

Good luck!

Post # 9
9788 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

ashtonia:  I am in this situation, my FHs bro is getting married late April and I wanted June. we decided after their date was announced… I’d rather give more of a buffer and go for Sept. I thought I didn’t care and 1 monthish was enought in between but I changed my mind and here’s why:

A month apart wedding date is fine but the other events WILL over lap- engagement party, showers, bachys etc. I didn’t want to burn his family out on wedding stuff- events, gifts, travel, outfits all the hoopla involved for guests. They’ll go to their wedding, have a summer off from family weddings, then come to ours in early fall. I realized, hey the difference is just a few months- I want to make it easier on my new family.

Post # 10
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’d be less worried about her and what her parents- aka your FILs- think about this.  Were you planning on them contributing time and/or money?  They might not be able to in the same summer do that for both of these weddings.

You shouldn’ have to wait, but just be aware of the complications this will bring to your wedding, her wedding, and the family that could possibly be caught between.

Post # 11
1674 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago

If her opinion is really that important to you and you don’t want to wait 2.5 yeard to get married it looks like your only other option is a winter wedding.  I get not wanting to do your wedding in winter (I wouldn’t want to either) but I have seen some amazing winter wedding photos and decorations that are really fun.  Might be something to consider…

Post # 12
19 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

two thoughts:

she’s probably angry about it because she feels like she made “a considerate decision” (not saying that I think that it is or it isn’t!) to give brother his summer, and assumed other people would view this the same way as her, then you and Fiance have made it clear that you don’t, so maybe she feels like she’s been hard done by because she’s had to wait and no one is showing her the same consideration?

Could you get organised in time to go for August this year? If so, would that make things better or worse?

Fwiw, I would definitely go for when you want and rise of the storm. I’m sure she’ll come round, and if not, because she’s the “you just can’t win type”, then if it isn’t the date it will be something else.

Post # 13
539 posts
Busy bee

ashtonia:  Choose a date that you and your fiance want to get married, she has her date in July and that is the only day she can request you don’t book your wedding. Every other day if fair game, she can make the choice to attend or not attend. And people will choose on their own if they will attend a wedding or not, not based on how many weddings they are invited to.

Post # 14
124 posts
Blushing bee

ashtonia:  Alright, so I’ll have to admit I was kind of like your sister in law, but that was mainly because my father in law is getting married in october, my SIL wanted her wedding in November, and mine is in December.  From the other side (your SIL) I can understand her point, but on the other hand, what my fiance and I had talked about, if people feel the need to choose between the two of you and they choose her, don’t be upset about it…take it as that’s more money in your pocket that you don’t have to spend.  Also think of it this way: It’s YOUR wedding, don’t tell her any plans, don’t converse with her about and do what YOU want.  Our situations are similar, and thank god my SIL called off her wedding, but in reality if you choose a date and stick with it, it’s not your problem.  If you have a good relationship with  your mother and father in law, maybe you can consult with them and see what they would say.  Sometimes with being a bride we worry about the stupidest crap and it really doesn’t matter.

Post # 15
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

She can’t call dibs. If you’re a grown-up of legal age to get married, you can stand up to a sibling. “Sorry you feel like having two weddings in one summer would be inconvenient, Becky [or whomever], but Fiance and I have decided that August 18th [or whenever] is the date that works best for us. We hope to see you there.” And leave it at that. No arguing, justifying, or negotiating.

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